This line was used in the book/movie Little Children. I saw the movie recently, and it made me think again about the question. What are guys supposed to say? It strikes me as one of those questions with no right answers, like “does this make me look fat?” but one an answer is expected of nonetheless.
Guys:
Picture this - you’re in a serious relationship (be you married or dating) and you happen to mention a female friend or coworker, and you get that question “Is she pretty?” What do you say if
a. She is pretty
b. She’s okay
c. Nope, not by your standards
Do the odds of your SO meeting her color your answers?
Gals:
Have you ever asked this question? If so, what answer did you want? (or what would you want him to say if you could imagine asking)
How would you feel if he said “no, she’s not pretty” then you saw her and it wasn’t true?
I’ve asked this question before, but it usually has some kind of context. For example: he’d say something like, “Oh, I have this friend; we used to hold hands when we were 5” and then I’ll say, “Oh, one of those friends. I guess she was pretty, huh?”. But it’s usually either 1) out of sincere curiosity, or 2) in a joking manner. I’ve never dated guys who would feel the need to be vague in their answer, and if I got the impression that he was lying (or if I found out he was lying) I would be skeptical as to his motives.
A) Yeah. She’s pretty.
B) Yeah, she’s okay.
C) No, I don’t want milk from that cow.
The odds of the significant other may color the answers. It also depends if the significant other is mildly insecure. If she is mildly insecure, then I’d feel the need to point out something positive about her (“her” being the significant other).
Assuming I’m not with an insecure gal, then nah. It wouldn’t change it.
Well, to be fair, I told him about a similar friend. His reaction was, “Oh, that kind of friend. Was he your first kiss, too?” “Well, yeah.” “Did he slip you some tongue?” “:dubious: We were 10 at the time, you pervert.”
I know you’re joking, but it’s never bothered me when a guy I’m dating comments on another girl’s hotness. There are many women out there who are more physically attractive than I am. As long as they’re just comments and he doesn’t do anything about it, whatever.
a) Yeah, I guess so. proceed to mention some way she resembles SO
b) Mmm, yeah, I guess so.
c) Mmm. I guess, but not really my type.
Nope, since I’m honest if she is pretty, and polite if she’s not.
That last part is what it’s all about. sure, you can look at someone else’s boobs or at someone else’s biceps or whatever, but at the end of the night, who are you curling up with?
Female, and I’d expect for him to tell me the truth. Why in the world wouldn’t he? I expect that he finds other women pretty, it doesn’t mean I think he’s going to run off with them.
If he went on and on about how hot someone was, it would bother me, but otherwise, eh.
**
Gals:
Have you ever asked this question? If so, what answer did you want? (or what would you want him to say if you could imagine asking)
How would you feel if he said “no, she’s not pretty” then you saw her and it wasn’t true?**
I asked what she was like.
My fiance said I reminded him quite a bit of his former girlfriend of 7 years but prettier and not evil. I was thinking she was a type similiar to me until I stumbled across a picture of him at a friend’s wedding. He was standing next to an orc in a Laura Ashley dress. Fortunately, I had by then run into several of the women he’d dated over the years and was semi-prepared; most weren’t interested in their looks/clothes/hair.
How does this have no right answer? If she’s fat, then, “No, that doesn’t make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat.” If she’s not, “You don’t look fat.”
I occasionally ask my SO if a chick is cute/pretty and I expect an honest answer. I don’t mind at all if he says “yea she’s cute” because most of the time even when the girl is pretty his answer is “not as fine as you”.
And I don’t ask to get that answer, I swear!!! Seriously, both of us are very secure and we have no problems with sharing admiration for eye candy.
I don’t ask, what difference does it make? He has a few pretty coworkers - who he has described as pretty - and that’s fine. So, some women are good looking. He isn’t a judge and me a contestant in the Miss America pageant.
I hope that - if I can imagine asking - which I can’t - he would tell me everyone he works with is pretty - at least at the “she has a great smile” level. A few of his coworkers are friends of mine and aren’t “traditionally beautiful” women - but I hope he finds them attractive in a deeper fashion.
The only reason I would ever ask my SO if another woman was pretty would be because I thought she was pretty and I wanted my SO to join me in gazing upon her loveliness. But I am in a minority. If my SO is just talking about some co-worker or ex or something, I never ask if she’s pretty. I mean, it doesn’t matter. He’s with me, right? So what do I have to worry about? I’m not going to freak out and accuse him of anything just because he happened to mention another woman.
