Is swinging a sustainable, long term sexual lifestyle for a couple?

Just wondering if most “swingers” keep swinging for life, or do they get tired of it, or do swinging couples tend to break up… or what?

I think for it to work the desire has to be equal on both parts. And in a relationship, I think it can be agreed that partners cannot always maintain the same level of interest. There is usually plenty of opportunities to compromise, and sex with each other probably already tests the spectrum.

So that being said, one person will usually feel that they are doing it to please the other, and perhaps at some point they may resent the sacrifice they make to keep the other happy. Its possible for the agreement to run its course; one partner wants a change and the other is happy with the status quo.

If you get more responses, there may be someone who will maintain that they know many couples in the “swinger” community that embrace this way of life. Thats good. But I have to wonder if presenting a united front is what defends their lifestyle choice instead of being told “I told you so, it wouldn’t work” from saying its not nurturing to long term relationships. I also wonder if one of them, at times, feels an emptiness from having consistent physical contact that is for pleasure but does not include the passion and tenderness of love. When physical sex is more frequent than the nurturing love type of sex, one partner may feel more like a pleasure toy- and start to numb themselves to it.

Just my humble opinion.

Of course it’s a perfectly sustainable activity that can last well into the golden years. How could one possibly tire of sexual encounters and activities with different people in different places?
I’m sure break ups are sometimes common if feelings get in the way, or disease or what have you. True swingers probably enjoy the lifestyle and hate interfering fakes that do not know how to act and ruin the good name of swingers all over the land.

In all honesty, I’ve talked to my so about it and would like to try it. Sometimes it seems appealing, other times it just seems as if it just wouldn’t work with me.

It seems to be a big following. I guess it would be hard to get tired of an ever revolving line of sexual partners that you may or may not see again.

Don’t know for sure. What I do know is, my aunt and uncle were swingers back in the late 70’s, early 80’s. They’ve been divorced about 10 years now; seems he took the swinging thing a bit far, because he must have thought it was okay to just outright cheat on my aunt as well.

Myself, I have no qualms about having sex with one person for the rest of my life – provided I marry them, of course…practice makes perfect. :wink:

This is simply wrong. It is human nature to want variety, and at the same time to want commitment. These are not mutually exclusive and will rarely be bed partners for long. (excuse the terrible pun)
That being said, for some people swinging is a way of life. A close aquaintence of mine who used to live down the road recently moved to South Florida, where apparently swinging is very popular. He and his wife were appauled when they were propositioned for a Quattro with another couple.
Monogomy is certainly not for everyone, but on a lesser scale, neither is swinging.
To Answer Astro - No. I’d say most swingers do not swing for life, and Yes, I’d say relationships with-in a swinging community would tend towards breaking up over time. It’s a human nature thing, I would even bend towards saying it is not done out of love, but out of desire.

Heck, some monogamists stay married/committed for life; others get tired of it and break up, often going into “serial monogamy”; others just cover up their cheating really well; others forgive-and-forget up to a certain point.

So there’s probably all kinds: those who sustain that lifestyle long-term or even lifetime, some who get tired of it or break up, and others who just ‘get over it’ at some point w/o it meaning a major meltdown in the relationship. How prevalent each? That’s something they would have to help answer.

I guess I don’t get it. It seems the same to me.

I am a jealous girl, and I know I couldn’t handle seeing my man with another woman.

Hey philosphr, It isn’t wrong for some. Human natre or not, many people are happy with sharing and don’t go green over comittment. It varies I believe. I respect your opinion though, and govindha says hello.

While it will of course vary for every different couple, I think the difference has to do with weather or not sex is an activity that the two people share or not. After all, even in a group sex setting, if both partners are there they can consider themselves to be together, while if one just goes off and fucks someone else by themself, the other partner could legitimately feel “You’re taking something we’re supposed to share and giving to someone without me being involved”

Make up your mind, bittersweet!

(Bolding in quote mine.)

"After all, even in a group sex setting, if both partners are there they can consider themselves to be together, while if one just goes off and fucks someone else by themself, the other partner could legitimately feel “You’re taking something we’re supposed to share and giving to someone without me being involved”

This type of activity is generally frowned upon in social circles. Everyone gets to play, or no one gets to play.

You have different levels of participation: complete swapping of partners, same room sex, a few other options, but in my experience everyone gets a partner. If not, it leads staight to the feelings expressed: “This was something we were going to try together, and you went off by yourself.”

Am I running the risk of being banned if I post to this thread?

I was going to try wife swapping 'til I found out that, after a short time, they make you take her back.

I saw a program on swinging. Most of the couples were pretty long in the tooth and had adopted the lifestyle as young couples. They were very much in love with each other. It was actually pretty cute!

Only if you’re a sock for Govindha. So I’d say that you’re pretty safe.

Depends on the people. I don’t think there is a true answer to the question except D, all of the above. There are some people who claim to be swingers who fall into the group of “one wants to, so the other goes along to fulfill the other’s fantasy”. Those don’t last long. Some give it a whirl for a while, and fall back into “normal” activities later on because of kids, time, etc. Some do it forever as recreation, just like most couples go to dinner and such.

It’s a lot harder to measure than say, marriage, because it isn’t general knowledge of who is or once was a swinger. It is a huge subculture, if that is the right word, that isn’t talked about at dinner parties. It’s actually a lot like Fight Club:)

What works for some, doesn’t for others and is a flash in the pan for the rest.

Bolding mine.

I nominate this for “dumbest poster of the year” award.

Back on topic,
IANASwinger but I imagine that for a couple it could be like any sexual play.

Case in point bondage: A couple may start playing bondage games and continue to do so forever or may get bored of bondage and stop doing that. Now maybe one person in the couple really liked bondage and wants to continue it but the other does not. Maybe she will find someone else to tie her up. Maybe she will do without being tied up. Maybe she will dump him.

Well I’ll be honest:

We tried it. But I backedout pretty quick when it became obvious that I wasn’t “wanted” for me but rather as a sort of tally. The “Hi lets fuck” attitude got old rather fast. I decided if swinging males wanted to screw as many women as they could, they could start paying for it like any other John.

Thats not to say if we had a sexy, fun, easy going friend that we wouldn’t invite him or her in… but on the average nah.

Just my feelings and experience here.

“The “Hi lets fuck” attitude got old rather fast.”

Exactly. In fact, I think it’s a real turn-off.

  • PW