Is the way I am feeling "childish?" (sorry, long)

In My Humble Opinion
1

A little background on a problem: I am a member of the Columbus Cottonmouths Booster Club, and am on the Executive Board (Corresponding Secretary). Tonight is our annual elections for board seats. Nominations have been open for the past two months or so. The chairman of the Nominations Committee (“L”) spoke personally with each of the current Board members to find out if they were interested in running for their position again. Then she starts talking to people for nominations for the seats to be vacated. She doesn’t actively seek nominations for the positions where the incumbent wants to run again, but anyone is free to run against an incumbent; they just have to get someone to submit their name to the nominations committee in writing.

I knew that the current treasurer was not going to run again, and my talks with “L” indicated there was no one waiting in the wings to run for treasurer. I asked a good friend of mine(“T”), who is relatively new to the Booster Club, if she would be interested in running. After a few days to think it over, she decides she will run and I submit her name for nomination. This was about 6 weeks ago, and there have been no other nominations for Treasurer. (In my opinion, Treasurer is the most work with the least thanks and the most bitching of all the Ex. Board positions.) This past Monday night, three days before elections, “M” pulls me aside at the Coach’s Show and informs me that “someone has asked her to run for Treasurer”.

I am much closer to “T” than I am to “M”. Ever since I became a player sponsor this season, “M” has suddenly been acting all “buddy-buddy” with me, seeking me out to sit with at events, etc. I don’t particularly like this girl, but I really have nothing against her and you can’t have too many friends, right? She goes so far as to invite herself along when Tammy and I are planning a road trip to Huntsville in caravan with a bunch of other fans for a game. In Tammy’s vehicle. Well, ok, no big deal - we have room. She knew we were both smokers when she invited herself, yet she “politely” coughed each time we rolled down the window to smoke. Whatever.

Ok, this is where the “childish” feelings on my part come in. Am I being childish for being slightly upset with “M”? She has pretended to be such good friends with “T” and I, yet she accepts a nomination running against “T” when she knew “T” was very excited about it. The kicker, to me, is that she didn’t even have the balls to call “T” and tell her.

I feel very wary of “M” now - if she would do this to “T”, she would do it to me. I just don’t feel as if I can trust her anymore, and I am hurt that she hurt my friend. I have no ideas of revenge, being actively rude, etc. in mind - I simply don’t want to associate with “M” any more than required by us being in the same BC and possibly on the same Ex. Board.

I hope no one will feel the need to be mean, but I will listen to opinions and I appreciate them.

2

So, are “T” and Tammy the same person? :wink:

3

No you are not being childish at all.

I believe this answers your question nicely. In other words you are doing the right thing.

4

So, who asked M to run for Treasurer? Is there someone who doesn’t want T to be Treasurer? Also, could you have just said to M, “Naw, you shouldn’t run for Treasurer, T wants to do that this year. Why don’t you run for Public Relations?” (or whatever else is open)?

OTOH, as much as being Treasurer sux, you and T should let M be Treasurer.

5

“M” wouldn’t tell me who asked her to run. When she told me, I was so stunned that she would do that to “T” I didn’t even think about asking her not to run. My honest opinion is that she is running for Treasurer because she has been in the BC much longer than “T” has. She will probably be elected over “T” simply because more of the members know her.

And you are right - I should just wish her joy of it.

6

I think your attitude is childish, but if it’s any consolation, your attitude about this is common amongst women: that there is no such thing as friendly competition. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with M wanting to be treasurer. T is not owed the spot just because she is your friend, or because she was nominated first, or whatever. It’s possible for two people to run against each other, and still respect each other and be friendly. It isn’t some personal slam against you or T for her to want to be treasurer. She isn’t doing anything terrible to T.

And I don’t see any reason to just concede the election to M. Why not just have a nice clean campaign, and let the best woman win?

When I was involved in student government, I sometimes ran against friends and friendly acquaintances. I do think it’s an adult thing to understand that competing in an election does not mean that you have to dislike the person outside the political arena.

And, if you don’t like spending time with her, you don’t have to do it. There are a million polite ways to duck someone.

7

Thanks! Just to clarify - neither “T” nor I think she is owed the election, and I am sorry if I came across that way. What bothers me the most was that “M” didn’t even bother to call “T” and let her know she was going to run.

Maybe it is a female thing, I don’t know. I do know that if a friend of mine wanted something, I wouldn’t try to take it away from them. Expecially if I hadn’t wanted it until the other person expressed interest.

8

SnakesCatLady, if I were confronted with these circumstances, my feelings would be similar to yours. I would be, as you say, “wary” of “M,” whom I would view as a potentially treacherous individual. I’d try to maintain a civil relationship, but I would also try to maintain a certain distance, if possible. I don’t think it’s at all childish to feel this way, as long as no petty actions or catty remarks are made (no cat pun intended).

9

This is totally a girl attitude. Guys are more willing to say, “Well, hey, I want that too, so let’s compete and see who wins in a fair contest.” Girls think that’s mean, and that one of them should sacrifice to avoid any conflict, even if it’s friendly conflict.

Also, when you use phrases like, “I wouldn’t try to take it away from them,” that’s where I get the sense you felt T was owed the position of treasurer. 'Cause how can M take it away from her, when she doesn’t have it yet? That’s how I see it, anyway.

Yeah, I called you childish, but don’t sweat it. We all have less-than-noble feelings about things at times. I recommend encouraging T to continue to run, and help her campaign. I think competing in this friendly way could be a really great learning experience.

Also, it’s not like you particularly like M, really, so why put her happiness over T’s? That would be a real shame, I think. There is no reward for being self-sacrificing. :slight_smile:

10

I am encouraging “T” to stay in the election. The problem is that “M” didn’t get nominated until 3 days before elections - there are no meetings or games in which “T” can try to get better known among the members. “M” most likely will be elected simply because more of the members know her.

pinkfreud - I’m not going to be rude or catty. For one thing - that’s just my nature, and for another I will have to work with “M” on the Executive Board if both she and I are elected. She’s just lost her seat on the road trips, that’s all!

Thanks for the responses, ya’ll. I am off to get ready to go to the meeting and the elections. Wish me luck - and “T”, too!

11

Man, this question is like an algebra problem. The only part I can’t figure out is where “T” and “M” will meet if one starts out at 30 mph, and the other is older than Tammy but younger than “L” and the cube root of the age of the ex-Treasurer.

12

Yeah, i wouldn’t call it childish, its definitely a female thing. I don’t think M is taking anything away from T just by running, and if she wants to be treasurer too theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. I certainly don’t think theres any reason to be wary of M or act like she betrayed some trust over this.

13

Well, neither “M” or “T” are treasurer - another person was nominated and “M” decided to decline the nomination when she heard about it. I don’t think “M” and "T’ will be good friends after this.

I am corresponding secretary again.

14

Sounds me to as though M didn’t really want the position - just didn’t want T to have it.

What’s a Booster Club?

15

We support the Columbus Cottonmouths hockey team. Players at this level don’t make a lot of money and the teams don’t have large budgets, so we do things like buy linens, dishes, etc. for the player’s apartments and furnish road bags with snacks for the players. We also do stuff like blood drives for the Red Cross, river cleanup with Help the Hooch - I guess we’re partly social and partly service, centered around hockey!

I think “M” was interested in the position as long as she thought she had a easy win. When someone was nominated that she thought would beat her, she backed out.

As I said earlier, I won’t be rude or catty to her, I just don’t trust her.