Today is the day my brother has to go to prison. He and his buddy robbed a gun store and got caught red handed. In his friend’s case, literally red handed, as he was shot in the arm by the gun store owner. Stupid. He has never had to face consequences for anything in his life–courtesy of his mother and grandmother–and this is what it led to (well that and him being stupid).
He accepted a plea bargain of 3 years prison and 3 years probation. He’s 20 years old*.
I feel really bad for my dad and his wife
Should I call them and say something? Should I just let it go? What is the proper ettiquette here?
*I also have 2 brothers ages 9 and 10, and three sisters, ages 3, 5, and 6. I’m 31.
Opal, a note (similar to a condolence note) would be a very nice gesture. Something along the lines of “I’m sorry for your troubles. Perhaps this experience will help Brother turn his life in a more positive direction. I am always thinking of you.”
Depending on how close you are to your dad (I remember the thread at Fathom, but forget the details), it’s your choice whther to call or write these sentiments. For me, while the situation is still a fresh blow I would probably write a note that they can peruse at their leisure, instead of possibly getting caught at a bad time with a phone call.
I don’t know what the etiquette is but my brother went to jail for robbing a convenience store at gunpoint. He celebrated his 21st birthday in jail last October. Only he got 10 years with the chance of parole after 4. I’m not sure of his probation.
He too had never faced consequences for his actions until this happened. It is certainly a wake up call.
All you can really do is listen to them when they need to vent. Oh and write to your brother - a lot - it is monumentally boring in there and they crave anything from the real world. My brother spent almost an entire year not seeing the sky. (yes he is a putz and he deserves jail but I cannot fathom not seeing the sky for a year)
Oh and watch your phone bill - it is about $2.50 a minute when my brother calls me from jail. That adds up quickly!
In short, I’m sorry you’re stuck with consequences of his stupidity as I’m in the same boat. I feel for your little brothers and sisters as they are probably taking this the hardest and have the least ability to vocalize their feelings. Hug them a lot and be open to conversation from whomever needs to vent. Don’t necessarily try and fix things… no one can do that now. Oh and from me to you - hugs
I barely know my brother. My dad and his family live in Florida, I live in Virginia, prior to that I lived in Arizona. I only see them once every few years (though we talk on the phone several times a week and email a lot.) The brother arrived as an 11 year old when my dad got married, then my dad legally adopted him. I doubt I’ve had an hour’s worth of conversation with him total.
…so somehow I doubt he’s going to be calling me from prison.
Not sure how serious you are, but as a Hallmark rep I can assure you that although we don’t have any with that precise wording, there are several under the “Cope” category that might convey the same sentiment. (They’re generally along the lines of “Sorry things suck so badly right now, you deserve better/I’m here for you” etc.)
I think you’d be better off to get a blank card and write something yourself. Prepurchased cards can come across pretty cold to some people, but almost everyone appreciates the effort of a personal note. It doesn’t have to be long and elaborate, but it would be nice to let them know you’re thinking of them.
If that’s what you’re comfortable with, and you think they’d appreciate it, I say go for it. I tend to be a bit awkward on the phone, especially for uncomfortable conversations, so that’s why I would lean toward a note. But if phone works for you, great! Telling them that you’re thinking of them is what counts.
