Is there a Federal law that every sentence needs maximal snark and hyperbole? (Re: greenslime1951)

First of all, I don’t think there is such a law – I would have posted in GQ if unsure. Instead the thread title is intended as a parody of the slimy prose we get from greenslime1951.

Second, I come here not to condemn the Green Slime, but to express my gratitude! I often read my own posts a day after I wrote them and think “What a pretentious hyperbolic sanctimonious asshole that septimus is!” I no longer have to be worried about being called on it. My posts almost qualify as calm and intellectual compared with those of greenslime1951.

Use the Find Posts by This Idiot function and pick one at random and you’ll see what I mean. This one had me spitting out my coffee in laughter:

Although he and I often disagree, the poster who wrote it’s as an accidental homophonic typo has forgotten more English grammar than you ever knew, Slime. And I say that even knowing you claim to be an English teacher. What made me sputter with laughter is that your condescending grammar rebuke itself contained misuse of the ellipsis! (Refer to the Why are Dopers so pedantic? thread if you don’t know why, you … English teacher! :smiley: )

Here’s another one that made me laugh:

This from the Slime who thinks anyone who wants Buffett to pay as much tax as his secretary automatically thinks all rich people are evil. :smack:

Even his thread titles are amazing:
“Why does everyone blame GWB for everything?”

Wasn’t it Abe Lincoln who once said

Dicks gotta dick.

It’s a trope. And don’t ask me for a cite for that!

If there isn’t such a law, there *should *be!

Oh. I didn’t realize there were people who hadn’t yet pegged him as a troll, pure and simple.

From my observations, greenslime1951 is noncontributive for information or entertainment.

Well I thought there was such a law. Looks like I’ve been snarking for no reason at all.


July 2012 join date? Check.
Username with a right-wing glurge allusion? Check.
Aversion to backing up his claims? Check.

Frankly, with the influx of trolls during that period, anyone with a July 2012 join date that wants to be seen as a legitimate member should ask the moderators to delete their account and let them sign up under a new name in August.

I am such an efficient Doper. I never have to wait that long to come to the same conclusion.[sup]*[/sup]

[sup]*post intentionally left vague for humorous effect[/sup]

If you’re very good, and very lucky in your timing, snark can offer you the chance to sneak in a little bomb, smuggle it past the guards, and down to the foundations of wrong, the bedrock basis of error, upon which the towering fortress of horseshit depends. It goes off with the merest little pop!, as evidenced by a slightly uncomfortable laugh. And if you could see that foundation, assay that bedrock, give it close inspection, you would find the tiniest little crack…

Then hast thou done the Lord’s work, good and faithful servant, and may take your rest with deep satisfaction.

I do wish that he would, you know, actually read my posts before posting his refutations. It’d make him not look like an idiot.

That’s because you are a pretentious hyperbolic sanctimonious asshole, as proved conclusively by the fact that you needed to pit someone for being snarky on a message board that is devoted to snark.

No, they don’t. You are, as you said, a pretentious hyperbolic sanctimonious asshole. And even though you admit to it, you still went through the trouble of being an asshole to a stranger on the internet.

Congrats, got anything else planned for the rest of the day? Obviously you have no plan to use this opportunity for introspection and self discovery, with the hopes that maybe you could try NOT being a pretentious hyperbolic sanctimonious asshole.

And what a surprise that you’re joined by a choir of other pretentious hyperbolic sanctimonious assholes, all clambering to join you in being an asshole to a stranger on the internet.

greenslime1951 is you.

But, after all, isn’t there a bit of that in each of us? No? Well, OK! Cool.

Mongo no like to hurt the pwecious wittle intertubez stwangers. It bad karma.

We’re all glad you’re here to show us how sanctimony is really done.

Emacknight makes a valid point. It’s unfair to put the blame for greenslime’s bad posts on his recent joining date when there are other posters just as bad as him who have been posting here for nine years.

Well…the OP has only been posting for 3 years…and its hard to deny that the illustrious “Class Of July 2012” has seen an order of magnitude higher content of glurge posting overall.
I agree that it doesn’t really matter how long you’ve been posting or how many posts you have…if you’re a douche, you’re a douche. Perhaps clever douches last longer. Old slimy is not clever. Just a douche.

As I walk through this world,
Nothing can stop
The Douche of URL…

I think you missed the target of my post.

I must have. I apologize unreservedly.