I’m obligated to attend a social event tonight, and I was really looking forward to it until yesterday. The plan had been for a little party in a local park, but yesterday the location changed to Peter’s house. Hearing that, I flipped from eager anticipation to utter dread.
I loathe Peter. Problem is, he’s never done anything loathsome, or even anything bad. Peter is a perfectly nice guy; he even went out of his way to help me out a couple of times when I first got to town. There’s absolutely no good reason to dislike Peter and plenty of reasons to think he’s a stand-up fellow, but I can’t bear to be around him. He just has some ineffable quality that makes my teeth ache.
It’s not a Gavin de Becker thing, before anyone goes down that route. I don’t get the intuitive feeling that he might be unstable or dangerous, I just plain hate being in his presence.
So, Dopers, am I a total freak or do y’all have people you can’t stand but don’t know why?
There’s a number of people I avoid for no good reason, so I don’t think you are being freakish at all.
Maybe Peter reminds you of someone who hated in grade school but have forgotten about.
I can’t say I ‘hate’ someone for no good reason, but there are people I tolerate, interact with, never letting on that I wouldn’t trust them to watch my dog.
Just because the reason you don’t like this guy, hasn’t revealed itself yet, doesn’t mean it’s not there, or that you’re wrong.
I joined a local gym and on my first visit, when the owner was supposed to show me how to use the machines he was a little late. After a while he came in the back door and had obviously been running for exercise with one of the other members. Not a problem until he said in a totally condescending tone something about how exercise sometimes takes place outside.
Well, duh. I may be fat but I used to run long distance and be a ballet dancer and I’m not an idiot. Usually one comment will not make me hate a person, really it wasn’t that bad of a comment. Maybe it was his way of apologizing for being late. From that moment on I hated to be in his presence. I avoided the gym if he was there so eventually I stopped going and didn’t renew.
I know exactly what you mean! Some time ago I worked with a lady whom I instantly, intensely disliked for no good reason at all. I knew it was irrational, and felt terrible about it, but I couldn’t help feeling irritated whenever she was around. After I knew her for awhile and she continued to be a perfectly nice, normal person, the feeling went away. That wasn’t the only time, and looking back, I think for me it can be set off by the person’s voice or way of speaking. If somebody is a very slow talker (my co-worker) or has a tendency to talk “cutesy” or baby-talk all the time, or anything along those lines, I may find myself hating the person’s stupid guts for a while even if s/he is otherwise a saint.
Up-talking really pushes my buttons? It’s probably unreasonable of me, but it really bugs the piss out of me when people speak like that? It’s a statement, not a question, damnit?
In my former job, I used to work with a lot of people from different countries. I always founds myself dislike the ones who’s accents didn’t emote well. There two women both from Latin America (I forget the countries), who had a way of talking that sounded really sarcastic and nonchalant. So, I disliked them both for that. I think I was the only who didn’t like them and noticed. Having converstations with either of them just felt like a huge mind game. Also, because of the manner they spoke in you never knew what they were going to say. There was no build up to indicate they liked or disliked something. I just ended avoiding them as much as possible.
When I went to college, there was one girl I had in some of classes and I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t like her. I didn’t hate her, but just didn’t like her. Then, I realized she had a sort of hazy voice. Like she always sounded extremely tired or high as a kite. She had these weird eye lid that always seemed half close. So, she looked like she was going to fall asleep. She said one day everyone says I look like a stoner! I don’t know why! and I just laughed.
I guess these are reasons to dislike them, but no one else seemed to notice in both cases.
There’s a guy I absolutely cannot stand. I find him pretentious, condescending, and self-righteous. Of course, I think these are perfectly good reasons to dislike someone, but the weird thing is, everyone else who meets him absolutely, positively ADORES him, including people who are usually on the same page as me regarding that kind of thing. I’m not generally a bad judge of character, but in this case I seem to be way off for some reason. Like, seriously, if there was going to be a vote for Best Guy Ever, this guy would win in a landslide, and it baffles me. I feel the same way about his brother, who is equally revered and popular.
When I think of people I just can’t stand but are, as objectively as I can judge, decent people, it usually falls into one of three categories:
they have some obvious fault that I also possess, and talking to them or being around them reminds me of it constantly. I end up wanting to stab my eyes out with a spoon.
they have a wildly different conversational style than me - very confrontational and argumentative or very, very reserved or very flat affect or completely without humor.
they have some trait that makes it impossible for me to predict how they’re going to react to me. I’m insecure in an odd way. You can hate my guts, and that’s fine, but don’t hate my guts one day and adore me the next. Don’t stare at me when I joke during one coffee break and the next laugh uproariously every time I open my mouth. Don’t refuse to exchange pleasantries one morning and then search me out for small talk later that afternoon. Consistency, people!
Oh, I can think of plenty of good reasons somebody might hate my mama.
Thanks to everybody. Peter was a lot more mellow than usual, and I think it helped me figure out the problem I have with him. Normally, he’s very cheerful and outgoing but also, to my mind, incredibly boring. With his usual demeanor, it’s like he’s aggressively dull, and I think that’s just off-putting.
I also think a lot of it, in retrospect, is that he’s the first person I really got to know in this town. The local culture here is pretty different from what I grew up with, to the extent that it seems like they’re being rudely over-familiar. He was the first person with whom I really felt that culture clash, and combined with his usual gregariousness I think that really soured me on him.
