Is life ever so bad that you wish that you could kill your self or that someone would kill you? I am not going to give you my sob story but I am curious on how people deal with it. If you have been through this obviously you made it through and maybe can share what gave you the will to go on.
Help please.
Someone’s gonna call me callous, but so what.
Think carefully. Death is fairly permanent.
That, and suicide takes effort. Sometimes even that seems like it’s not worth it.
I am sorry I shouldn’t have posted here.
You know, darling, it would probably do you some good to share your story on this board. People really care about each other here, and it is obviously important for you to know that you matter. And, you DO matter. You have to understand that most of us on this board have gone through bad things, we have dealt with them the best we knew how, and we want to help you to do the same.
My dear, I don’t know what you are going through. But, I want to share what happened to me. In August of 1997 my mother, whom I loved more than I can tell you, was diagnosed with cancer. My brother ( only 52 years old at the time) had a massive heart attack. Mom had major surgery, brother Rob recovered from his heart attack, and we thought that everything would be fine.
I will skip over the stuff that happened in between, but in 1998, mom was ill and it turned out that her cancer had spread. They thought that they had gotten all the cancer, but some stray cell had metastizied to her liver, and she was terminally ill with cancer.
She died on May 2, 1998. I will never get over losing her.
In December of 1998, my brother Rob (the guy who had the heart attack) was diagnosed with the same kind of cancer that my mom had. We are talking about pancreatic cancer here, and although we worked hard at having a positive and healing attitude, the fact is that pancreatic cancer is pretty much a death sentence. He died on May 28, 1999.
My point is this. Bad things happen in this life. People you love die. Friends betray you. You get fired, or you quit and cannot find another job.
This is not a reason to give up on the whole thing and cash in your chips. Tommorow is bright, tommorow is yours to make better.
Please make an appointment to talk to someone who will help you. I am seriously concerned for you, and I want you to know that people DO care about you. I care. I care very much.
Please get some help.
Scotti
Everytime I have been depressed enough to think about it, things have gotten better.
Keep on trying.
I met a guy two years ago and for lack of better judgment I lied to him about very important issues. After we dealt with all that crap he thought he would give it a try anyways. So we dated some and started sleeping together. On our third night together I got pregnant. I was fairly young and he said he wanted nothing to do with it so I had no choice but to get an abortion which he payed for. Now everyday my heart us ripped apart when I think of what I did. I wish I could go back and change everything and get my baby back. After I got the abortion the guy decided he still wanted tot alk to me so we continued talking for about 6 months and went out a couple of times. He recently moved and I told him that once he moves if he feels like we shouldn’t talk anymore than I was ok with that. The truth is I am not. I am only 16 and I was involved with a man much much older. My parents disagreed with it and my friends shunned me for it. Now I am alone I have no friends my parents got a divorce which started with a fight over me and this man. My mom works two jobs and currently has a boyfriend so I rarely see her. My life is so empty and I am only 15. I know it might not seems like I should know what I am talking about but I do. I always thought I was too smart to even think about suicide but I don’t see any other choice. So my life might get better in a couple of months I don’t think i will make it that far. Everyone I trusted betrayed me or wants nothing to do with me.
I wish there was someone I could talk to but there isn’t. A counselor or something just wouldn’t do it for me. It would go in one ear and out the other that is why I wanted to hear from some real people. You people on the Straight Dope are about as real as they get I guess and so intelligent it blows my mind.
Thank you for your help.
You’re older than my step daughter, but not much.
Wow.
Really, things were very bad when I was young; my Dad died when I was 16 and I had no idea what to do and no one to show me. It got better. It just takes time.
And how do you make it through the time untill it gets better? On blind faith?
Dear, I hope you’ll reconsider getting help.
I know that even going to see someone sounds too hard right now; when I was your age I was suicidal, too (without a story half as sad as yours), and I didn’t think anyone would understand. Maybe they won’t, but at least you’ll have a chance to talk to someone who won’t judge you or try to minimize your losses. Even that can help.
Here’s a link for you that may help; I’ve found it useful:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide
Catrandom
Wow. There’s several things I want to get into your head, and I’m not sure I can do it just by saying them.
First, whoever this guy was, and however you feel about him, drop him. Believe me, once he’s completely out of your life, it will be an improvement. You know this. Look inside. It feels very, very scary to end a relationship, I know, especially when you’re young and haven’t been through it much, but if you look inside yourself I think you’ll find you’re more distraught at the thought of being alone than at the thought of losing this particular guy. You’re only sixteen. There WILL be others, and they will be better men.
Second, whatever pretext your parents found to fight, it was NOT your fault they split. People form relationships with each other based on each other. If they couldn’t make it work, it doesn’t mean the blame lies with you. I wish I could make the truth of that echo in your head. It’s possible that there really is no actual blame, sometimes people just can’t work out their differences as individuals. But if someone is at fault, it is certainly not a third party like yourself. Don’t resent your parents, and if one of them seems to resent you or blame you, well, try to rise above it and realize that it is their own failings they are unsatisfied with. Love them but don’t let them make you their scapegoat. And don’t you make yourself their scapegoat, either.
Third, I know this doesn’t sound helpful, but realize that moods are exagerated when you are young. The depression you’re feeling will not persist through your adult life. That may seem like good news only for the future, not now, but knowing that it won’t last might help. So know that. It gets better.
Fourth, I am so sorry to hear about your baby. That is a cause to grieve, but it is no such cause as to despair. When you are older, and have found the right guy, you can take the love you would have given this child and give a double share to her siblings. If you must punish yourself consider THAT your pennance, not suicide, in fact it is a reason to live. It is a debt you owe. And, I should add, make part of your pennance finding the patience to wait until you are at least 20 to make those siblings.
Finally, you really should give a counselor a try. You’ve got nothing to lose, even if you don’t think it would help.
Really sorry. It’s painful, but if you hang in there, things will get better.
I want to double that above: you didn’t cause your parents divorce.
And move past this guy. Don’t contact him, and do your best to think of other things.
I was once in a position where I did not want to live. The story is long, involved, and confusing, so I won’t relay it here.
What I did to get out of it was to find one thing that was so important to me that I could make it the driving force in my entire life. For me, it was my education, and for years I threw myself into my coursework. That had a double effect of both keeping me too busy to think about my problems as well as giving me something to be proud of at a time when I had very little to hold onto. And after a while, I was able to pull myself out of my depression. It wasn’t easy, but one day I made a conscious decision that I was NOT going to be upset anymore, and I was going to do whatever it took to get there.
And it worked. E-mail me sometime if you want to talk.
When I talk to him everything seems alright. NO one else really understadn the whole situation except for him so when I talk to him about it it feels better. But the problem is he doesn’t want to talk to me about it because he says he has to many problems of his own and can’t deal with mine. He says “Oh I dont want you to die” but then won’t talk to me about it. I have told him before that it helps when I talk about it but that I have no one to talk to. I do not want to go to therapy and reading that page did help some thank you Catrandom. I don’t know why it seems that he is the only person that can help me.
About my baby:
I don’t think that is the main problem however I think I could deal with the long term of that. It is dealing with that along with everything else that has be so overwhelmed.
I am so confused.
Drain Bead:
I wish there was something that I could throw myself into like my education. I am 16 still a senior in high school and find the work there about brain numbing. I work at Taco Bell which I understand is an OK first job. But not allot there to throw myself into either. I have no passion for anything anymore. I tried to get involved here once before but I am just no match for such intelligent people. I mean even the younger ones that post here seem to have such profound thoughts and ideas. Whenever I get such an idea I cant say it as eloquently as they can and I feel worse then when I started.
Perhaps you could volunteer your time and energy somewhere? I know you are upset about having the abortion–maybe you could volunteer at a pro-life place? Or at Planned Parenthood, so you could make sure people have access to inexpensive birth control? Maybe you could do one of those phone hotlines. There are many things you can do, you just have to look inside yourself and figure out something that you find important.
As for high school being boring–hell, yes, I agree with you. Obviously if you’re starting your senior year at 16, you’re pretty intelligent. I can imagine that the work is stuff you already pretty much know. But it gets better when you’re in college and you can specialize a little. Helps you when school becomes something you WANT to do as opposed to something you HAVE to do. What kind of classes do you take in school that aren’t as horrible as the others? Latch onto those at first, if you want to make your education important.
You say you want to be eloquent? The only way you’re going to get there is by working at it, just like anything else. This will require both reading and writing. Reading will help you see how eloquent people write, and writing will help you practice what you’ve learned by reading. It’s also pretty fun, if I do say so myself.
Listen–you’re not as bad off as you think you might be, and here’s why. You’re actually TRYING to get better. You’re talking things out with people. You’re examining your life and trying to figure out what to fix to make it better. There are countless adults who can’t figure out how to do this. You’ve got the first step–now you just have to have faith. But not blind faith–faith in yourself. Faith that you can and will do what it takes to better yourself and your situation.
And if you need any help along the way, I and several others are here for you.
How would I get involved with something like a hotline?
Again I thank all of you. I actually feel normal right now.
Catrandom:
That page you sent me helped alot. It said to give yourself time like a 24 hour deadline or something and then see how it works. Well when I started I was going to do it at dark nothing weird I just thought that would be a set time. Now I want to put it off more and more.
Drain Bead:
YOu gave me ideas without just telling me to give it time. Thank you. It helps to have someone tot alk to that actually cares and not just on a mission to save a life. I know you don’t know me except for what I have told you on here but it feels like you knew what I was thinking. Thank you.
APB9999:
You are right that is exactly how I felt about my parents. I felt that I was the reason for thier divorce.
Also I know things are exaggerated when you are young. It’s like I can feel what I am doing is just stupid but I can’t stop it. I feel so horrible and all reasoning leaves me yet there is a little voice in my head that says “stop it now you will be ok”.
Scotticher:
Telling my story did help. Just typing it seemed to relieve some of the pressure on my shoulders. Thank you for giving me confidence.
Now I kind of feel stupid because I feel ok right now and before I was hysterical and going crazy.
Thank you everyone.
I’m glad the page helped, sweetie. Hang in there – and don’t feel stupid, just be glad that you’re feeling better. We’re all glad!
Catrandom
Cestlavie, your age is probably the worst in life for most people because you already have the responsibilities of an adult and yet you still feel the insecurity that you do not quite think you can deal with it. That’s the way I felt, and, believe me, it gets better and easier as time goes by and you realize you can handle life even if you have to learn by making your own mistakes. I know excatly how you feel and, as you can see, you are not alone.
I know it seems like a long time now but another 16 years from now you’ll look back and realize you felt you were drowning and yet the water was really not deep at all. hang in there 
In difficult moments in life I have always found great inspiration in a poem called Words for Julia. It was written in Spanish by the (Cuban??) poet Goytisolo and he wrote it for his daughter Julia thinking she would face moments like this in her life.
I could not find an English translation on line and, because I did want to share it with you, I translated it myself. While the translation does not reflect the emotion of the original, I hope it gives you the feeling.
I have posted it here.
As you can see you can always come here for support. (And don’t be too impressed. Some might look like they’re intelligent, others don’t even manage to do that.)
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Cestlavie [/i}*
Scotticher:
Telling my story did help. Just typing it seemed to relieve some of the pressure on my shoulders. Thank you for giving me confidence.
Now I kind of feel stupid because I feel ok right now and before I was hysterical and going crazy.
Thank you everyone.* **[/QUOTE
Darling, you have serious issues here. You are not crazy, and you have valid concerns that need to be dealt with. I am glad that you feel better, but you DO need to talk with someone who has some knowledge about these concerns. Please find a therapist, one who can really help you with these issues. You need to know that there is nothing wrong with asking for help. We all need help, sometime or other. Only really crazy people reject help. Please, sweetheart, find a good therapist.
We are all here, and we want to help. But, this is a message board, so we are not here all the time. Talk to your most sympathetic parent, tell them you need to talk to a really good therapist.
Take care of YOU, honey, and let your parents worry about what is going on with them. They got themself into this mess, and it is not your responsibility to make things better for them. It is your job to get emotionally healthy yourself.
Sending my best positive thoughts, and my prayers for your health and happiness.
Scotti
Cestlavie, don’t give up hope. It sounds like you are very depressed, which is VERY normal and very common. Depression is a totally treatable thing, and I hope you seek some help very soon. I have dealt with it personally and with other family members. It’s a physical illness, just like if you had the flu or a bum knee. Counseling and/or medication can help SO MUCH. But the tricky thing is it never seems like it when you’re in the throes of a deep depression. If you had a really bad problem with your elbow you’d go find help, right? Of course you would.
My sister, who also suffers from depression and had a very difficult adolescence, has started a non-profit organization called MINDS. She goes to high schools and talks to kids about mental illness and how treatable and common it is. I wish you could see her presentation! It’s helped a lot of kids your age realize that they aren’t “freaks” or “weird”.
Please hang in there and get some help. Look and see if there is a psychiatric hotline in the yellow pages. Do a web search for your area for Teen Crisis or Counseling or anything. I know it’s hard to get yourself help when you’re the one who’s hurting. But if you hang on, and do the hard work of getting better, I guarantee you will look back on this time and be glad you did it.
Here’s a big hug. Hang on, kid. Please.
-Leslie