Another problem with the scenario, is that I’ve only recently moved to Montreal, and just met most of these people. I’ve essentially stumbled into my boyfriend’s circle of friends (I moved here after he had been here a year), and have been getting to know them over the last four months. It takes me awhile to feel really comfortable with someone and claim that they are a GOOD friend. That being said, I have met some very cool people in this group, some of them the type that I got along with instantly.
However, if I were totally comfortable, and these were all GOOD friends, I would have told them that their invitation was rude, don’t send that out to the masses, and I’ll help you out with the party supplies. Not the case. So a part of me just doesn’t want to rock the boat, knowing that some mutual friends that I really get along with will be there, and regardless of the jackassery I’ll be able to hole myself up with a select few and have a really good time.
A part of me agrees that the whole situation is ridiculous, and I should just boycott it, while another part of me is saying, ‘What’s wrong with you? We LIKE a good party!’ Worst case scenario, my boyfriend and I go, it’s crappy and awkward, I spend a solid 20 minutes hoovering everything at the food table, and we’re out the door.
It’s a classic inner struggle… moral indignation vs. hedonism.
I’ve been reading this thread since the beginning, but I only just realized you’re talking about Montreal. Whoa la! This is the land of potlucks and cheap but cheerful alcohol. How your friends can attempt to charge money and specify a dress code for a party like this is beyond my comprehension. I agree with what others have said here: If they can’t afford to throw the kind of party they want, they’re better off not throwing it.
It’s silly. 1) If you throw a party with a dress code you should be able to afford the supplies. 2) If you can’t afford to throw a party, make it potluck or BYOB.
Well, you know it’s not going to be a good party, so that shouldn’t be a consideration.
You don’t have to “boycott.” You can just choose not to attend. If you’re not comfortable telling them the truth about why you’re not attending (and I certainly understand why you might not be), you can just have “other plans that evening.” They don’t have to know that your other plans are “doing anything but attending a tacky-ass red and white formal house party with a bullshit cover charge.”
That’s exactly what I’d do, too! Actually, I can’t believe that at least their closest friends didn’t just laugh in their faces or at least tell them that that’s totall bullshit!
And I’d be sure to mention my discomfort the next time the would-be-host was dipping his/her hands into the food I was providing them free of charge.
It’d be kinda crass and I certainly wouldn’t do it (I just wouldn’t go at all), but if I was the sort, I might pay them in Monopoly money upon arrival, then when they object, act shocked that they would seriously be considering asking me for money when they were such frequent guests in MY home and the thought of charging them money had never entered my mind.
Alright, so I went last night. I however, did not pay. There was a jar on the bar where everyone was supposed to throw their $$$, but I just didn’t go by there. I also did not eat any of their food, or drink any of their alcohol or mix. Since I was not drinking their alcohol, why would I go by the bar? My boyfriend paid, ate very littie, and brought his own alcohol and mix. That being said, I was quasi uncomfortable with the whole situation, and we really didn’t last all that long at the party.
If I had skipped out on the night, I think I would have enjoyed watching whatever old movie I’ve seen a zillion times much more.
That is incredibly tacky. First, if they’re students, how do they expect (or expect others) to be able to afford formal attire? Not to mention that giving a dress code for a party is incredibly rude.
But the cover charge really takes the cake. If they can’t afford to feed people without having to charge them, why the heck don’t they just have a pot luck. At least that way it’ll feel less coerced than demanding cash. Jeez.
Were there a lot of other people there? I’d be kind of surprised if there were - if I tried to ask friends for money like that, someone would probably tell me point blank that it was incredibly rude. At least I hope they would. Ugh.
Yeah, it’s the combination of dress code and cover charge that’s fucked up. For college students/young professors, just the cover charge wouldn’t be that bad–I’ve been to college parties where everyone was asked to chip in and cover the cost of the keg, or where you had to buy a cup if you wanted to drink the beer, or whatever. But asking people to dress up and then charge them like your apartment is some kind of hot nightclub?
It is so tacky I would be trying to think of ways to humiliate them and ruin their party. Do another party at the same time and call it a New Year’s party (since you’ve already done a Christmas one) and invite the same people to a potluck “slumming” party. Or some such thing.
At the very least you should decline to attend in a manner that makes clear how tacky you think the invitation is. Send them 5 bucks and tell them it’s for a scholarship for someone else who can’t afford it.
The party’s over and its tackiness has been firmly established. I know what I would like to have done in Northern Thalia’s shoes, although I probably would have rejected it as being too rude. I would have e-mailed the people hosting it my regrets, but added something to the effect of, “Gee, I’m awfully sorry to see how hard up you are for money. Why don’t we take you out to dinner some night so you can be spared the expense of a night’s cooking?”
If you can make it sound sincere enough, they won’t be able to tell you’re being sarcastic. If they can, it’s a subtle way of letting them know how tacky they’re being.
They probably did not think about it, but charging for a party may make them legally responsible for the guests. Car accident ,drunk driving etc. Boat owners are usually aware of this.
How about you go and demand all kinds of service, like they’re your valet and chef and cook and bartender?
Just dump your coats into their arms when you walk in the door, and order complicated drinks. Ask for additional butter. Complain about your seating. Send your food back. Demand to speak to the management.