Is this Christmas Party Invitation Rude?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s the deal. My boyfriend and I were invited to a Christmas party, and I read the invitation and got a little miffed, whereas his neck hair didn’t bristle quite as much as mine did.

A little background. The people I hang out with are all either doing their M.A or Ph.D, and being eternal students, money doesn’t flow freely. That being said, last weekend my boyfriend and I threw a Christmas party for the entire group, and we supplied a ton of food, non-alcoholic drinks to all, eggnog to all, and beer, wine, or spirits to those that didn’t bring their own alcohol, although the vast majority brought their own drinks.

Now, flash forward to this invitation. Not only are they insisting on a formal dress code, :rolleyes: they are charging $5 to people for the food they are getting/preparing, or $15 if you want to drink their booze. For one, the dress code bothers me because none of us dress like bums, and this is a house party, hardly a night at the Ritz. However, what really bothers me is the request for money for the food. This isn’t a HUGE party, I think there will end up being 20-30 people there. All of whom would bring their own alcohol, and not expect the hosts to provide it. Is it rude? To ask guests to help absorb the cost of the party? I am used to people asking you to bring a dish of your own if they want you to contribute.

Another objection I have is that if you want to throw a grown-up, fancy party, and you can’t afford to do so, that kind of detracts from your intentions. If you can’t afford to do it with class, don’t do it.

I also find it rude because we have the hosts over I’d say… 3-4 times a month for small gatherings, and always provide them with snacks and beer. This will be the second time I’ve been there in… 4 months and they’re asking me to pay.

Thoughts?

ETA: What’s that preview button for?

2

I would probably not attend.

I wouldn’t say it was because they are cheap and I wouldn’t stop having them over.

But I would find something else to do.

3

The request for money to cover the costs is tacky and is lacking in class to the extreme. It is a difficult situation though, they ARE your friends and you want to celebrate the holidays with them but… ugh!

MeanJoe

4

Yes, totally rude.

You’re not going, are you?

5

Agreed. There are some exceptions, such as when a group rotates locations for dinners, with the participants sharing the cost. Or perhaps hosting a PPV show. But in general, requesting payment for entertaining folks in your home is exceedingly rude.

Think of the alternative, absolutely no one would think the worse of these folks if they hosted a barebones “potluck” party. The same cannot be said for the choice they made.

I personally would never instruct people what they should wear to my home. Tho I guess I could imagine it not entirely out of line, however, were someone to host a “formal,” costume, or themed party. Usually not my preference. But some people enjoy dressing up.

Whether or not I went would depend entirely on how much I wanted to see the expected guests. $10 a couple and a bottle of whatever you’ll be drinking shouldn’t break the bank.

6

Wonder if they expect you to wash the dishes and make the beds for them afterwards, too?

7

Yes, it’s rude. They’re essentially charging admission, and transforming the event from a sharing of hospitality with one’s friends to a business venture. And while one could conceivably have a themed party where the hosts specified appropriate attire, it steps over a thick line to ask for people to pay for the privilege of being told how to dress. I’d be miffed too.

8

It is beyond tacky to charge guests cover for a party, especially one that’s being hosted at home rather than an outside venue. Then again, I’m of the mindset that cold hard cash should never be exchanged between friends for the purpose of hanging out together. If donations are absolutely necessary, then these should never be in cash form… bringing beer to drink rather than mooching your host’s is okay, but having the host ask you to pay for your beer is not.

Don’t even get me started on this new trend of stag and doe parties designed to fundraise for a couple’s upcoming wedding. :rolleyes:

So, I’d suggest you sit this one out, but don’t necessarily scrap the friendship over it. And do resist the urge to charge them $10 next time they come over to watch the game. :slight_smile:

9

Another vote for yea, it’s rude. Having a dress code? Not a big problem in my book, although a formal dress code would make me think twice or three times about attending. Being charged for admission? bigger problem. There are times and places where chipping in to help pay for the food is appropriate–but this is not one of them. Or at least, this isn’t the right way to do it. (Best way: Tell everyone it’s potluck. Almost as good: Tell everyone it’s potluck, but offer them a chance to chip in so that you can buy pizza or shrimp cocktail or booze or whatever. Still ok: Figure out a way to let people chip in VOLUNTARILY for the food. Not OK: Demanding that people chip in.)

10

Y’know, if it wasn’t explicitely stated that it was a ‘formal dresscode’ then I probably wouldn’t find it rude, I’ve been to student parties where we’ve all chipped in for the drink/food because, whilst it was being held at one person’s flat, it wasn’t really being ‘hosted’ by them.

But if you’re going to hold a formal evening, that’s a whole different matter. If you can’t afford to host a fancy party then don’t host one! Have an informal get-together where everyone chips in for pizza when the munchies arrive.

11

The dress code wouldn’t bother me. The cover charge would. I would not go.

12

Seems kinda tacky to me, too.

13

Yeah, the request for formal attire is okay. If that’s the kind of party they want to throw, then cool. I’ve gone to parties like that before.

But a cover charge? Not cool. Especially the different cost for food vs. food + booze. What, are they going to give out little wristbands to the people who paid for alcohol? That’s beyond tacky.

14

Ditto. Take your $40 and throw in an extra $20 and the two fo you go have a nice casual dinner out.

15

Very very tacky. And I say this as someone who spent most of the last decade as a poor grad student; I have NEVER seen anything like this.

Hosting a BYOB or potluck, fine. Meeting at a restaurant or bar and having everyone pay for their own meal, fine. Expecting people to pay cash to attend a party in your home? No.

Besides – $15 for alcohol? Presumably they’re just buying run-of-the-mill booze at the grocery store, right? Unless this is a REALLY heavy-drinking crowd, the hosts are going to end up with either a LOT of leftover alcohol or a nice tidy wad of cash in their pockets.

16

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

17

I was planning on bringing spinach dip, and a bottle of wine for the hosts. They then edited the invitation to include their monetary demands (facebook invitation). So clearly, I’m not going to bring any food, and I’m definitely not giving them a bottle of wine. The funny thing is, I would have spent well over the $5 they requested happily, but now that they have requested $$ I’m feeling much more like Scrooge than Bob Cratchit . Bah Humbug!

18

As others have said, it’s not the $ or the dress code that would bother me, but the combination of the two. My fiance and I just had a sushi party for some of our friends who are still students to give them a break from finals, and as a belated birthday party for ourselves (we were born a day apart). We’re not too flush financially, but we probably laid out $60 or $70 for booze and supplies, not to mention the food I used that I already had in the house. We did this gladly, as a treat for our friends and an excuse for me to show off my new sushi skills. If we couldn’t afford this, I could have easily made a lasagna and asked the over-21s to bring their own drinks and the younger ones to bring dessert.

It would have been cheaper and still loads of fun, but to my mind less of a “special occasion,” so we made the choice to go the extra mile. The whole thing was a treat for us as hosts, and I can’t imagine asking my friends to subsidize that treat!

19

Taaaacky. My parents are having a party tomorrow with 35 people, which we do every year but not usually so many - we had a hell of a time deciding how to word the invitations. You want to suggest the tone of the party and have people dress in such a way that nobody feels over or under-dressed, but you don’t want to say “No jeans!” We went with “Holiday Casual”, knowing how dumb it is. But to me at least it says “No jeans!” although it may also suggest “Wear your light-up sweater that plays Jingle Bells.” Oh well, wear the sweater, I don’t care.

My point is, with classy people the “dress code” is to make everybody feel comfortable, not to tell you you ought to dress up, you slob. It sets the tone of the party and is the equivalent of calling people and saying, “So, what are you wearing?” From white tie to overalls, the dress code is a helpful hint for the guests.

ETA - and charging people to go to a party in a private home, unless it’s a charity event or similar, is so incredibly tacky I don’t even have words for it.

20

That’s one invitation that I would be declining. Very rude invitation.