** Hippy **, I won’t quote your whole post; your points are well made. And since you mentioned it,yes, I am indeed, really most sincerely freaked out with a capital F over palmetto bugs, which is quite a burden living in Florida. If you know of any remedy as to how to get over a phobia, I am all ears.
I got to thinking, did I get so passionate about this because it involved my personal bete noire? To a certain degree, I think so. I’m still not convinced that we don’t all harbor certain thoughts and expectations regarding gender roles, however subconscious they may be, but I promise in the future I will be an equal opportunity spaz when there’s a big evil bug that needs killing
I don’t understand the thought process that a lot of people employ about insects and creatures that aren’t fluffy puppies or ponies (not directed at you, WOOKINPANUB). My wife is a prime example of this. If it crawls she wants someone (me) to kill it. I don’t generally kill spiders, as they eat bugs (creepy, large, erratic moving ones excepted). I will usually try to usher out insects if I can. Roaches, as far as I know (like fire ants, bottleflies, and those annoying-ass bugs that can’t fly for shit and always congregate around lights) have no redeeming qualities, so if you’re in my house and I find you, you die. But I’m not going to kill these creatures just because they’re there.
In terms of his size compared to the bug, he’s really no bigger than you. That is, you are both so much bigger than the bug that your size relative to each other makes absolutely no difference in your ability to kill it. If a 130lb woman steps on a 5 gram bug, the result is going to be pretty much the same as if a 250lb man steps on it.
Look at your own description of yourself and see if you can identify the lack of logic here. According to your own posts in this thread, you are “not scared of much” and can kill wasps and snakes without blinking. Yet your general toughness does not prevent you from being scared of cockroaches. Why should this guy be any different? Why would you assume that, just because he’s not shy and is a big guy that he is happy killing bugs?
Right. People often say “I have a phobia” when all they’re talking about is unconquered fear. By doing so, they sell themselves short, avoid facing their fears, and fail to do justice to the word “phobia.”
Sometimes physical capabilities are relevant and sometimes they aren’t. In this particular case, a woman could have killed the bug as easily as a man.
I think that when you talk about “traditional” roles for men and women, you are still implying some manner of choice. In many ways I fit the traditional role of female. I like romantic dinners, dancing, babies, silk, strong arms around me. But I wouldn’t like being a stereotypical female at all: helpless, dependent, hysterical, weak, unimportant.
I grew up in an age where men killed the bugs and I still use it as an excuse to get out of having to do the dirty work at home. But work is a different matter. I feel an obligation to others to eliminate gender differences on the job. We can’t very well ask for equal treatment and equal pay if we are going to discriminate. For that reason, even in a panic I don’t think I would have thought of turning to a man to kill a large bug in the women’s restroom. If I had a phobia, I would have dragged one of my fearless women friends in to handle it. (And I do understand phobias.)
We really don’t need men to protect us for most of our lives. That’s a foolish notion to perpetuate. It’s a lie that weakens us in our own eyes.
By the way – and you’ll get a laugh out of this – my introduction to Paris, France was having to use the men’s restroom at the airport. The women’s restroom was closed and it was made clear to me that I had no option. The men’s restroom was very busy too. There were a few cat calls, but I survived. Thank goodness I had a large scarf draped around my coat. I used that to shield my face and “make the room go away.” :o
Good Lord! It’s a sin now for a woman to even ask a man to kill a bug for her simply based on the fact that he’s a man? :dubious:
I swear, posts like these make me feel like we’re evolving into a genderless A-sexual type species.
Ladies, my name is SHAKES. My foot’s available for bug stomping any time you need me. Just don’t ask me to kill anything that can fly AND sting. Cuz, if ya do, I’m running for the hills like the biggest girlie man you’ve ever seen.
I’m the bug killer and vomit cleaner in this house. My husband will squeal like a girl if I had him kill a spider. (He once stood across the room with a pump sprayer fully armed ready to shoot the spider I had to kill with a broom because it was so high on the wall)
I’m with the folks that are on the side of “he’s as afraid of a. the ladies bathroom and b. the bug as you are of the bug.”
Be careful what you ask, you may not like the answer. The person was well within their rights as a person to tell you no. Just because the request seems reasonable to YOU does not make it reasonable. It’s not in his job description as an employee, a man or a human. If he did it, it was a kindness.
That about sums it up. It’s my boyfriend’s job to kill bugs for me (at least if he wants to be my boyfriend ). It is *not * the responsibility of any random person who happens to have a penis.
After all, I’m not afraid of bugs because I’m a girl. I’m afraid of bugs because they’re evil and alien and terrifying. And it’s not my boyfriend’s job to kill bugs because he’s a guy, it’s his job because I can’t do it, and somebody’s gotta.
If there were a huge bug in the bathroom at my office, I’d just call maintenance. And then irrationally avoid that particular bathroom for the next month or so anyway.
Y’all make a lot of good points. I should not assume a big burly guy is not afraid of bugs, and is not concerned about entering the ladies restroom. He wasn’t particularly random, however. I have known him for two years. We’re not exactly friends, but he’s not a stranger. We are a very small group, only 8 of us.
I was going to ask the woman in the restroom first. But she was on the phone. (In the restroom??) And she had open toed heels on. I assumed she wouldn’t want to kill it because of the open toed part, because that would squick me out.
You’re right, it’s not a true phobia. It’s an irrational fear about me missing the stepping on part, and it crawling up inside my pants leg. Or suddenly flying at me and getting on me. Once it’s dead, I can handle cleaning it up (with enough paper towels, mind you!)
I would have asked the first person, male or female, that I saw, because I just can’t bring myself to kill one. I have before, when I was alone, because I can’t stay up all night wondering where it is and if it’s gonna get on me.
One other point that Wookinpanub makes, is that gender stereotypes are still alive and well even though they shouldn’t be. I can’t help thinking that guys aren’t afraid of bugs - it’s the way I was raised! I really do know better though. My husband can’t stand spiders, so I remove them for him. I don’t usually kill spiders, unless they’re black widows or something.
I’ll admit it. I don’t like palmetto bugs. Things are the size of a VW beetle, but with a stronger outer shell and they fly. I’ve had no qualms crunching any cockroach I’ve run into in NYC (even though they all carry switchblades - never understood this as they lack the opposable thumbs to operate them, but I digress…). But as for palmettos, I, for one, welcome our new palmetto overlords.
I have no experience with palmettos, but I’ve introduced Mr. Shoe to Mr. Roach a number of times. Little ones are easy. Big ones, not so much. They fight back. It requires a bit of muscle and weight just to get their attention.
A moth or two ago, a woman at work who I had a crush on used the bathroom. (Unisex, single person.) When she was done, I went in there. There was a cockroach as big as a Twinkie. At first I made a manly screech, then danced around in a macho panic. But then I thought of that yucky bug being near that sweet girl, and I got mad. I was going to take this motherfucker down.
We sized each other up. I squinted at it, it squinted back. It took off its leather jacket and handed it to its second. I did the same. When I did, the cockroach looked at me, a little surpised, and asked “You been workin’ out?” I just answered with “Bring it, bug!” We danced around a little, taking a few pot shots at each other. Once first blood was drawn, out came the switchblades.
Long story short, I’m doing 3 to 5 for bugslaughter. I still have the scar.
But that’s the default of always asking a man to do the yucky, dangerous, unpleasant tasks – that is in fact to the exclusion of women. When you only ask men, you exclude women. The question then becomes, why do you exclude “women”? Because you automatically think of men as filling the role of “protector.”
I hope you see that this isn’t just unfair to men, but also is unfair to women as well. Not only are you placing responsibilities on men that you have no right to place, you are setting the example of a woman who is incapable and must be “rescued” or “protected” from something in the workplace – and rescued and protected by her MALE coworkers, because under your gender-stereotyping assumptions, men are the rescuers and the protectors. Killing a bug is a minor thing, but looked at it more broadly in terms of what it says about the capabilities of women in the work place, it’s a pretty pernicious attitude. Unintentionally pernicious, since you intended only to compliment the men and not to marginalize the women – but pernicious nonetheless.
They don’t even enter into the equation when the danger is a bug.
Of course there are, but that doesn’t give you any obligation to perpetuate them, nor does it give you the right to rely on them. This is the sort of double-standard that some women insist on that men rightly object to – we want equal pay and to be treated as equals, but, guys, you’re still this designated bug eradicators for us hand-wringing wimmins. Do we want to be equal in the workplace, or not?
I think it would be worthwhile to ask yourself why that is your instinct and whether you do yourself, you gender, or your coworkers a disservice by indulging it.
And just FYI, as a woman, I might have helped you remove the bug but I wouldn’t have squashed it. The squashing of large bugs oogs me out. Bugs in my house either are removed outside or receive a burial at sea in the porcelain ocean.
