If you had asked me, I wouldn’t have done it because I don’t believe in killing animals that aren’t about to cause harm to someone. Maybe he doesn’t either. YMMV.
Well, if he’s 26 and hot…
I was at Richard Walker’s Pancake House and I went into the bathroom. A male employee was cleaning the bathroom and told me to “just go ahead. I don’t mind.”
What. EVAH.
I’ll agree with the posters who note that there still seem to be “male” roles in the workplace while there are no longer “female” roles.
I would also go further and say that relatively few men have availed themselves of (or even noticed) any benefits of equal sexual rights. I think the topic “equal rights for men and women” has been viewed by both sides as meaning more rights for women and nothing different for men. It should mean more roles available for both sexes. And if that means men want to do things conventionally thought of as women’s roles, or reject antiquated notions of male roles, that is their right.
Possibly the hurt feelings are the result of exposing a perceived inadequacy and having it amplified by rejection.
Definitely not an ass.
If the OP had asked me, I also would have said no. First, because I don’t want to get buggy ickiness all over my shoe. Second, for the reasons DanBlather stated - especially considering there was another woman in the bathroom. Sure, there’s a 99% chance that there would be no problem, but there’s no way I’m betting my job on that last 1%.
It depends - are you hot? If I was attracted enough to the lady making the request, I would do it. Otherwise, no way.
My initial reaction, having a HUUUUUGE phobia of palmettos was “jeez, what a dick”. In my admittedly biased opinion, ** Delores ** isn’t being spoiled, or a “whimpy girl”; I’m not afraid of many things, but those repulsive things send me into a a state of freak-out that defies description. People sometimes have inexplicable reactions to certain things. Why the harsh “deal with it” attitude?
If she’d asked me about adding the part about “saving the fair maiden” I would have told her “honey, puhlease don’t utter that on the SDMB. That will NOT go over well”. I’m not a huge fan of that stance, but I don’t think we’ve evolved enough for it to not be part of us on some level.
I think she simply freaked out when faced with an object of a * phobia* , and instinctively grabbed the first person she saw. I don’t want to speak for her, since she did say herself she grabbed the first “guy” she saw, but I know when I come face to face with Mr. Palmetto I will (and actually have) implore the first male I see to slay it for me. I’m no spoiled princess; I’m just fucking terrified of those things.
This has actually happened to me a number of times at various places I’ve worked. I’ve never asked a specific person for help; my 1950’s horror movie style scream just tends to attract a lot of attention. Which is kind of part of my point; among the guys I’ve worked with, there’s never been a time that several have not come forward to help. Part of me thinks “guy A” in the OP is an ass for simply not helping a * fellow human being . Another (usually unspoken, admittedly old fashioned) part thinks "what kind of guy denies helping * anyone * , but especially a woman *?" Sorry, I’m not buying the “sexual harrassment” argument. If’ he was squicked out, then it doesn’t make him any less of a man. But saying “I’m not going into the Ladies Restroom” rather than saying " sorry, I can’t; they freak me out too" does.
I also don’t get the folks that are shocked about the underlying gender roles that still exist in every facet of society, up to and including the workplace. I don’t want to turn this into a debate about the feminism backlash or anything. I just know that in my teeny tiny world, I lend a hand to whomever, whenever, if I can do something better than they can, and I in turn ask others, based on my perception of what they may be better able to accomplisih than I. Sometimes that decision comes down to gender. I’ve sewn on buttons in an emergency, helped choose menus for meetings, tied neckties and done a myriad of other things that while you might consider exploitive, I consider flattering and empowering.
Sorry to be so rambly; palmetto bugs just make me swoon and take leave of my senses.
This might have to do with your gender.
To actually have experienced it, or to actually have to be wary of it, might change your tune. While it’s not pervasive, the point I was trying to make earlier was very well made by Free Range Otter:
It happens.
Out of curiosity:
Why MALE?
Valid question, ** Scrappy **. My unabashed (though sure to be reviled) answer is that I do * sometimes * look to “the men folk” to be braver or more capable in some situations. I’ve never really thought about it; it just has always been. I guess I can see how that could end up being a burden to men; I’d never considered it before.
If you’ll indulge a highjack; do you ever feel certain tasks or situations are naturally better suited for you (generic men you) to handle? Does it ever make you feel good / boost your ego to be called upon?
I work in academia. That would not go over well.
I do occasionally get asked to get things from high places, because I’m taller than some of my co-workers. I don’t think it’s a gender thing. I also get asked a lot of computer stuff, because I have some proficiency.
I would offer assistance to a woman carrying a lot of stuff, but I think I’d do the same for a man.
Bug killing in a lavvy? Not gonna do it, not unless it’s after hours, and the woman stood sentry at the door with it ajar. I would think of it as a really odd request - why not go to another restroom or kill it your freakin’ self? And then, why are you asking me? Granted, I’m not particularly squicked out by bug killing, but unless we’re buddies I’m a little offended that you equate me with killing bugs. How do you knowthat I’m okay doing that?
Seems a little gender stereotypical to me, and I would sure as hell not do this to a female colleague - unless, of course, we were friends outside of work as well.
Definitely. Just the other day a (pretty) female co-worker asked me to help her carry some large/heavy buckets of ice and lift them up to dump them in a fountain drink machine. Helping her made me feel useful and strong, plus she talked to me for a while afterwards. Everyone wins!
It’s not being “looked to” that gets to me.
In this situation, you, as a woman, and as one who admits feeling security or some degree of “that’s natural” with gender roles do not appreciate the fact that there is an intense double-standard about that.
In today’s workplace CW:
Women are permitted to be stereotypical women because the “equality” movement in the workplace is not complete.
Women are permitted to be stereotypical MEN in the workplace because they’re the advance guard, if you will, and they are given leeway to break some barriers.
Men, however, are not permitted to be stereotypical women because, quite simply, we’re not socialized that way and have no wish to be.
But men are also not permitted to be stereotypical men because that could be seen, even in extremely rare circumstances, as setting back the movement for equality.
So, while the middle of the curve is normal, and the vast majority of workplace situations are pretty even-keeled, the fact is that, on the extreme ends, women have a great deal of freedom in that regard while men are even more rigidly circumscribed.
It’s not a burden, it’s a DANGER.
There are some tasks I feel are better suited to me as a man, but only because I can use my gender to my advantage in certain situations. Other than that, not particularly. It depends on who’s doing the asking and what the purpose of the asking is. But generally, no.
I don’t want to put you on the defensive, but since you say that your answer is “sure to be reviled,” I guess you are already there. At any rate, I don’t mean to offend you with what I am about to say.
You say that you have never really thought about asking a woman to do something that you usually ask a man to do – that you’ve never considered it before. Is that a correct statement or did I misunderstand you?
These times that you usually call upon a man are times that require someone to be “braver or more capable” – if I understand you correctly.
Do you think that men are braver than women?
Do you think that a man is more capable of killing a bug than a woman?
Do you think that it might make a woman feel good to be called upon to handle tasks that require bravery and capability?
Do you think that women might feel insulted if they are automatically overlooked to do tasks that they are perfectly capable of doing but which have been traditionally done by men?
Do you think that to a three inch bug it makes much difference whether you are four feet tall or seven feet tall? A hundred pounds or three hundred pounds?
Do you feel personally “reviled” by anything that I have said in this post or do you think that my questions are fair?
You’re obviously entitled to your feelings, but to answer your questions (assuming they’re not rhetorical), in this instance, at this moment, we (Delores and / or I ) are literally freaking out (yes, I mean literally). Tomorrow we might use another restroom, but right now we are in freakout mode over encountering something we have no rational control over, thus also explaining why we can’t (yes, I mean "can’t) kill it ourselves. No, this is absolutley not your problem or responsibility, I’m just explaining what drives otherwise competent people to enlist help from others. We are not asking “YOU, HIPPY HOLLOW”, we are asking ANY MAN. Right or wrong, as I’ve tried to express, certain gender roles do still lurk in our subconscious. I’m not sure why you’re “offended that we equate you with killing bugs” as opposed to feeling flattered that we look to you as a protector, which by default would indicate we see you as stronger, more capable, etc. . . .
I’m also finding it odd that you, whom I envision as a real mensch, would find it odd to be called upon for help, for any reason, but especially if the task at hand doesn’t squick you out. That’s not meant to be a criticism I just don’t know how else to put it.
My WAG is that the guy was just as scared of the bug as you were, but of course being a guy, he couldn’t admit that, so came up with another excuse.
Not an ass. Not him, anyway; I’m not sure about you.
Darn right. Please, folks, let’s not perpetuate the stereotype of female helplessness.
W, I certainly enjoy your posts, but if you were literally freaking out over a bug at work, I would think of this as a little… odd. I’m a bit of a germaphobe, but I try to keep my eccentricities under control at work. If it’s a real phobia, my goodness, I hope that you find a way to get help, or if it’s a minor thing, keep it under control, because I think you’re not doing yourself any favors by freaking out over a bug at work. I’m concerned for you because I think you’re inadvertently opening the floodgates for a lot of gender stereotyping in your direction by doing this.
I get that fine. Squashing a big bug will be messy, and palmetto bugs aren’t exactly sitting around waiting for you to clobber 'em. So don’t squash it or kill it! Go to another restroom.
Wow… I don’t find that flattering at all. I’m at work to work. I’ve already got my manly roles filled at home: fixing stuff, carrying heavy junk, doing car maintenance, etc. In the reverse, it’s like saying “Hey, we’re having a holiday party. Let’s have the gals get together and cook up some stuff.” Which is pretty gross to me. I completely get this roleplaying at home, and I certainly can go there in relationships that aren’t at work.
None taken, and thanks for the kind words. But the OP didn’t describe the guy as being a buddy or a friend - just a big guy. The only reason she seems to have chosen this guy to help is because he has testicles. (Or so it seems.) Context matters. If I don’t know you very well, and I come up to you asking for cooking hints, or to help me choose a gift for my wife, you could certainly take the approach of helping me out, but wouldn’t part of you think that I essentially reduced you to your gender and nothing else? What if you hate cooking, or have horrible fashion sense?
I’d honestly be more worried about you, my co-worker, doing something that makes people think less of you. I’d probably say, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to go in the ladies room during business hours, but you should probably tell the custodial staff. And there’s a private bathroom down the hall.” (Also, I don’t want dead bug on the bottom of my Bostonians!)
[aside]When I was a wage-slave at K-Mart many moons ago, I had to clean the women’s restrooms - actually, both restrooms - at times. The men’s room was fairly clean - occasionally pee on the seats, unflushed dumps, etc. The women’s room… well, best described thusly:
:eek: 
:o :mad: :smack:
Trust me, I got hazmatted up before I started to clean, but it never occurred to me to ask a woman to clean the room. I don’t remember it being part of my job description as a toys/housewares sales associate to do this, but it was one of those things that came up. Not perfectly analogous I know, but just to demonstrate that I have phobias and big ick factors that I’ve had to deal with at work as well… I empathize but I’m not your bug squisher, especially if you’re just a random female at work.[/aside]
Okay, in response to ** Scrappy ** , I think I may have misscommunicated. I get the feeling you are speaking more about issues in the workplace? I did make mention of it but I didn’t mean it to be the emphasis of my remarks. I just meant that I, as a female human, have an innate sense of “man, strong protector”. By my age and in this day, believe me, I’m not wearing June Cleaver colored glasses. No man has taken care of me since I moved out of my parents ’ house at a tender young age. I didn’t mean to make light of the issues that some of you guys have brought up; just tryin’ to splain that no offense is meant when I enlist a member of your gender for help. I will think about what’s been said here and be mindful of not taking you for granted.
As for ** Zoe ** , no, I don’t feel reviled by anything you’ve asked / said (but thanks for asking!). In the end, both genders * can * do just about anything equally well, up to and including eradicating a bug that is a fraction of our size. I know I expressed the man = strong angle, but I don’t know that I said that that is to the exclsuion of women. But physical capabilities are just a part of the equation, no? Are you saying there aren’t stereotypical (used to be called “traditional” ) roles for men and women? Again, I’m not saying I advocate or think in these terms all the time, but when I feel in immediate danger (yeah, I know, it’s just a BUG) my instinct it to seek a male to “protect” me.
If this was a genuine, debilitating phobia, I doubt she would have expressed interest in helping clean up the dead bug, as she says she did in the OP. People with phobias go to irrational extremes to avoid situations that might contain the thing they’re afraid of, never mind situations where that thing is actually present. I could understand asking a stranger to enter womens’ restroom over the object of a genuine phobia, but since it appears to just be something she’s very grossed out by, it’s a little unreasonable to ask him to do something about it.
Me first then.
So you left? That’d make you an ass. 