Whereas I am often more in the rush to judgment camp, at least where message boards are concerned. Your camp is undoubtedly the wiser and more defensible one, the camp of Solomon, but mine is sometimes more fun. 
“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”
Nice quote. Maybe I need to lighten up. Without a doubt, 99% of the heated (not that this one was) exchanges I’ve been involved in began with me rushing to someone’s defense. Though, I do tend to start slinging the mud right back.
It’s in bad taste. Calling it a “retirement party” is a powerful reminder that the deceased died before he got to enjoy something he deserved. It would be like having a wake for a young woman and calling it a “bridal shower”.
Yes, I would find it hurtful if I were a family member of the deceased for that very reason. However, if the people throwing this party had cleared it with the family beforehand, and the family was fine with it, that makes a big difference to me and I don’t think it’s wrong in that case.
I think it’s absolutely possible to say it’s in bad taste, and I will – it’s in bad, nay, terrible taste. The issue of context comes up when one considers whether the deceased, his family, or his co-workers HAVE any taste (well, “had” in the case of the dead guy). The co-workers apparently don’t, and have apparently likewise assessed their late colleague. Do they know the family? Or are they being tasteless in inviting them as well?
This was pretty much my reaction, and AKAIC the family doesn’t even come into it. Just sending out the invite within the department (and it’s a big department, something over 600 people) is offensive. The family angle just makes it worse.
Sounds like bad taste to me. I’m not opposed to the idea of having a party to celebrate the deceased’s life and his affect on those around him, but I’m opposed to doing so and labeling it “retirement party”. The more people invited, the worse taste–if it were just a handful of friends, I’d be willing to call it black humor and smile ruefully–especially bad taste to invite the family.
If they were to do this at my wife’s work, I’d be royally pissed. Especially if it were couched in terms of “she cheated us out of a nice retirement party”.
I vote “Extremely bad taste”.
It’s a little dark, but not too bad. Depends on the guy and his sense of humor, and what his family’s thinking about it. I know plenty of people who’d think it was funny as hell to have their own death marked with a party like that. I, for one, wouldn’t be offended if someone did that for me.
Perhaps he’s just pining for the fjords.
This statement
moves it from “depends on the family” to bad taste.
I can see an irish wake type of rememberance for a workplace colleague being called a “retirement party.” Having it because you were fond of the co-worker is fine. Having it in place of the party you feel you were cheated out of is tasteless.
I thought it was actually titled with the name John Doe. Now that would be shockingly bad taste.
Going with amarinth on this one: Was he Irish?
If so, then I think that’s okay. If not, then perhaps the family should have been consulted…
Q
“Well, he had a toe tag, but we kind of left him in the rain so we can’t read it anymore…”
:D:D
It would be in even worse taste to actually have the body present with that tag on his feet!
Like that old tradition of “Sittin’ up with the dead”.
jay, that cracked me up!
Q
Dunno. His last name sounds Euro-something, but not particularly Irish.
I’m willing to bet he was one of those old wiseasses that gave everybody hell, but was beloved because of it. You know the type. The guy that calls the gay guy “Cowboy” or “Ladies Man” or the obese guy “Slim”. The man that tells dirty jokes to everybody and uses the phrase “a cunt hair off” to describe something that is just barely out of place. His workplace friends that never really had a good response to his ribbings because they were too flabbergasted and confused to respond are taking the opportunity to lovingly get the final jab. They know that he would laugh if he were able to attend, and that’s why they’re doing it.
With that said, I’m torn on them sending invitations. It was considerate of them to do so, but the family members may not be in the mood to laugh at something like that. But then again, they could have been putting up with his shenanigans for years and completely understood why the co-works decided to call it a “Retirement Party”.
I know a few old guys like that whom I love being around. If someone were to throw a “Retirement Party” in their honor, I would be in stitches and thinking “haha, finally got that old bastard back!”.
That had a more piratical side to it before they started to pumping out the guts before burial. There’s not much chance the person will wake up after that. Was that in bad taste to say?