Here’s a bad pun I thought up last night:
How is Congress like an invalid line in a computer program?
Ready for this one?..
“All argument and no function.”
groan
Another UK-centric one -
Q: What did the slug say to the snail?
A: Big Issue sir?
Or as Eddie Izzard said:
“Why are all these homeless people obsessed with bigger shoes?”
This one happened in one of the departmental seminars. A biomed prof was giving a talk about some microscopic creature that spins clockwise.
Someone asked “Why not anti-clockwise?”
Without hesitating the prof replied “Thats in the southern hemisphere”.
The profs here (jhu) are a hoot!!!
A sociologist was walking down the street when he came across a woman who was lying in a ditch, groaning, and bleeding from a knife wound.
The woman says, “A man stabbed me and stole my purse!”
The sociologist proclaimed, “I must find the man who did this. He needs help!”
:rolleyes:
Q: What do you use to tie up a pig?
A: Twine.
Even after reading the explanation of the OP joke, it still doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t understand what switching “what” with “which” has to do with pedantry.
Here’s a personal favorite…elementary, but amusing.
Mrs. Schrödinger walks up to her husband. “Erwin,” she asks, “what have you done to the cat? It looks half dead!”
I got the first one, and liked it a lot, but could someone please explain the second one?
I got the first one, and liked it a lot, but could someone please explain the second one?
Do you suppose Tom Ridge knows this one?
Oh, not intellectual, but funny…maybe:
Q:What’s the difference between a group of pygmy hunters and a women’s track team?
A: The former is a group of cunning runts.
“Hello, I must be gooing.” --Groucho Marx
The first one I got…except the punchline I heard was, “Mom, you’re a bitch.”
Q: What do you call an exotic dancer who can go down on herself?
A: A mobius stripper!
[ducks and runs]
Patty
That should be a moEbius stripper. Please excuse my spelling.
Using the MS-DOS copy utility, you would type “copy foo.txt filename.txt” to copy the file foo.txt to the file filename.txt. If, however, you typed “copy con filename.txt”, then your input would be the CON(sole), and whatever you typed would be written directly to the file. Since the joke is using “copy con program.exe”, the programmer is writing compiled code rather than just code, which is inhuman and practically impossible.
…if that makes sense…
In line with the mathematician jokes above, here’s an oldie but a goodie.
So the dairy farmer wants to see if he can increase milk production. To that end, he consults an architect, a psychologist, and a mathematician.
The architect says, “Your barn is inefficiently designed, with lots of wasted space. If I redraw the floor plan like so, you can put twice as many cows in the same building, and double milk output.”
The psychologist says, “Your cows are not producing at their optimal level because they’re unhappy. If we put in windows, and paint the walls this other color, they’ll find their surroundings more pleasant, and will produce more.”
The mathematician says, “Okay, assume the cow is a sphere…”
Well…
Open up a dos windows, type in copy con test.txt and hit enter
then type a bunch of stuff, and hit ctrl z
You will then find a new file called test.txt containing whatever you typed. It copies from the console(your keyboard) to the filename you give it. ctrl z tells it when to stop. Think about how hard it would be to write machine code this way…
A Roman centurion walks into a bar.
Centurion: I’ll have a Martinus, please.
Barman: You mean Martini?
Centurion: If I’d wanted a double I’d have asked for one.
Another Biblical/Centurion one.
A Roman centurion goes up to Jesus and says (roughly translated from the Latin, of course), “OK buddy, drop that cross one more time and yer outta the parade!”
One-liners are best.
…and the only unix joke that I know…
A programmer arrives late for a meeting. She says, “I’m sorry I’m late, but I was grepping my apartment for my keys.”
Than someone replies, “Why didn’t you use fgrep, it’s faster.”