"It" needs a new name

Because we have a lot of time on our hands and it’s just the way things go sometime, by brother and I were musing the other day about the inequity in the naming of certain … uhm … body parts. We agree that the clinical names for female genitalia actually sound feminine – onomatopaeic, as it were. But boy bits, well, not so much. Oh, we don’t have a problem with most of them. I mean, “scrotum” is especially appropriate. But the main one, which we know has a Latin etymology and probably sounded quite appropriate to the ancient Roman ear, just isn’t … well, MASCULINE enough. Sounds kind of … diminutive, if ya’ know what I mean.

So we’re trying to come up with a new name for the guy. It has to sound clinical (no slang terms, please) and it has to sound masculine. Well, okay, you can have a little fun with it.

Suggestions?

Here’s my view of the matter: there’s no reason to give something a pet name unless it will come when you call it.

Ah, but we’re not looking for a pet name here. I’m talking about the official nomenclature.

It’s never bugged me, but I see what you’re getting at. The slang terms for it are generally good, though - they get the tone right. So let’s adapt one of those, Germanify it for manliness, and you can reach out and say hello to your…

Wangenschlanger.

Not MASCULINE enough? It’s Mightier than the Sword!

You know, since the OP calls this “It”, I can’t help thinking about how that meaning gives new interpretation to book and movie titles:
**Stephen King’s “It”

It! – The Terror from Beyond Space
It Came From Outer Space

It Came From Beneath the Sea

Some Like It Hot

It Happened One Night

Play It Again Sam

You Can’t Take It With You

Leave It to Beaver

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

As You Like It**

It Was an Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny, Yellow Polka Dot Bikini?

My 2 year old cousin calls it his “yang.” I think it’s a rather elegant choice. Not *quite * as crass as “wang” but still contains the essence of genitals.

And that’s the male half of the old yin-yang, so it’s sort of appropriate. You won’t catch me calling it a “yang,” but it’s not bad.

That’s what I’m saying–not bad for a toddler. Somehow I don’t think he took ancient philosophy into account, though. I didn’t even think of that–it is probably too disrespectful.

I’m a big fan of urinator. Not gender specific, but definately has a masculine feel.

-Eben

Plus, it leaves out the whole other function, but you’re on the right track. Hmm… maybe pregnator?

I kind of liked “phallus”, but my colleagues in the English grad classes I’m taking tell me the phallus isn’t the symbol of the penis, but the other way around. Still, I like phallus. Or lingam. I like that one, too.

Behold, the power of… Organzola. Hey, it’s better than Heddar or Peccoreamo.

Schtuppenslanger. It’s kinda “manned up” and has a action feel to it.

I’ve got nothin’, except for the obligatory Monty Python link.

I like this a lot. Immediatley Arnold Schwartzenegger’s voice popped in my head so we have to add a “The” because it gives it an air of authority.

“The Urinator”

The “Hunglikea Horsical”. Or the “Fruit-of-the-Loomular”.

I need to watch Celebrity Jeopardy!

I vote for Urinator. Sounds quite manly!

Penetrator is pretty good. It starts out with “PEN” so it’s really just a continuation of penis. And it’s so over-the-top butch.