So, I’m driving into work today, and this small, dark red car passes me. And out of the corner of my eye, I see something brighter red and cape-like draped over the passenger’s seat. And I thought…I mean it looked like the driver was wearing…no, it couldn’t be…were those devil horns?!?!
She was going very fast, so I didn’t get a better look. You might say she was driving like a bat outta…well, you know.
The devil is a woman, and she drives a Jetta.
(Actually, this probably won’t surprise very many people.)
So, to completely veer off-course, even for a Rue thread, I want to mention dreams.
Well, one dream actually. I had it the other night. My dreams are usually very vivid and chock-a-block with Very Odd Things®. They tend to go one of two ways. Either elaborate plots suitable for novels (or novellas at least) or they just meander every which way and I never know what the heck is going on. When I first wake up everything is quite clear in my mind’s-eye but over the course of my mundane day dream details become foggy, fade gradually away. Inevitably, all I usually remember for any length of time are the Extremely Unusual Characters®. Sometimes it’s interesting to try to reconstruct how they got into my head to begin with.
Shall we dance?
In this particular dream I know that I was in a fairy-tale of sorts. I don’t know how I know I just do. There was an older gentleman dressed in an old fashioned suit with a vest. He was pushing a doll-sized baby carriage. An elderly woman stopped him and wanted to look in the carriage at the baby. She bent over and saw that there was no baby but a doll inside. The doll looked like an elderly woman in a black, Victorian-style dress with white collar. Her gray hair was done up in a rather severe bun. Oh, and she looked exactly like Maggie Smith. As did the woman leaning over the carriage to look at the doll. At this point the gentleman tells the woman that his son isn’t in the carriage. He then takes out of an upper pocket a leather watchcase and opens it. Inside is a 2-inch tall little boy. He’s dressed like a miniature courtier, in white knickers, hose, white waistcoat, ruffled shirt, white jacket and a little tricorn hat.
Now this is really all I remember. So. What do you all figure was going on here?
[sub]Besides the rather obvious conclusion that I’m a nutcake. I already know that.[/sub]
OK, dwyr, I see it as:
A) You’re a complete nutcake
or
2. You want more sex.
My Dream Interpretation book doesn’t have that many pages, so I can’t give you a more in-depth interpretation. But a 2 inch high boy wearing hose in a pocketwatch? Come on! It’s sooooo obvious!
Speaking of the Devil, guess where I went yesterday. Go on, guess! Maybe it would help if I gave you some hints. So here come the hints:
Whilst there, I purchased (“purchased” is a hint, it means it’s a place you can buy stuff):
A tin of Russian Caravan tea. (I’ve never had Russian Caravan tea before. And it was loose tea, which I’ve never had before either. So I had to buy a tea infuser to go with my Russian Caravan.)
A pack of Stroopwafels
A bunch of sassparilla (which made me feel all cowboy-y)- Ol’ Bob Miller’s Premium Red Sas’parilla
Baron’s Boothill Sassparilla AJ Stephan’sPure Cane Sugar Sarsaparilla (dig that crazy spelling) which is “New England’s Best Tonic” so sayeth the bottle.
A couple bottles of Moxie Original Elixer
and
a bottle of Moxie Cherry Soda (with Doc Moxie pointing at you!)
Citrus Smash Whooppee (how could you NOT buy Whooppee?)
and
Lip Smackin’ Lemon Lime Whooppee (even though the color can best be described as “bilious”)
And here’s the Devil tie-in (I know you’ve all been waiting for):
Baron’s Satan’s Punch (really, it’s what the Devil Himself drinks!)
Have you noticed just about aeverything has a website anymore? Weird, huh?
-Rue. (consumer at large)
Thanks for the interpretation Rue. I hadn’t quite looked at it that way before. (Now I’m going to be self-conscious in my dreams too.)
My brothers, two of 'em anyway, love Russian Carava]oki
Rats.6t5
The kitten says hi. (I can’t seem to keep the little blighter off the keyboard.)
Anyway, back to Russian Caravan… I’m not that fond of it myself. Too smoky. Kind of tastes like you steeped a charcoal briquette. I’m more partial to Assam, Darjeeling, or Keemun. But my current favorite is Nilgiri.
I’m not too sure about sarsparilla either. I’m thinking it’s like root beer, yes? I really can’t stand root beer.
So you have to tell me, what does Moxie taste like? And it’s kind of cool that now I can say, you’ve got some real Moxie kid! 'Course I should sound like Humphrey Bogart when I say that and I can’t quite pull that off so just imagine, 'kay? Cool.
[sup]I also feel that I should, apologize in writing for bringing your thread to a screeching halt and scaring everyone off with my weird dreams. Won’t happen again.[/sup]
Don’t worry dwyr, I think everyone’s being pulled off by that other hijack thread that’s going on. That’s what I think.
As it happens, sassparilla does taste like root beer. A pretty good root beer, but still root beer. At least Ol’ Bob’s does. And it has this cool reddish cast to it. (If you break your red, it goes in a reddish cast for six weeks.) I’ll be trying another one today. I’ll let you know how it goes if anyone asks.
The bilious green Whooppee was pretty good. I figure it’s because they use real cane sugar rather tham the high fructose corn syrup you usually get. Yeah, like my palate is that refined. I think it was just a good batch of green they dumped in there. Very vivid. If you’re going to have Whooppee, have vivid Whooppee.
What does Moxie taste like? Uhh… like Moxie. It’s the World’s Finest Elixer in bottled form. (They actually call it an “Elixer” right on the label.) (Did you notice how the punctuation went inside the parenthesis? That’s how it works if the whole sentence is in there.) It’s sort of like a cola and sort of like root beer (everything is like root beer- if you squint) but it has this spicy undertaste. It’s good if you like that sort of thing, but I don’t figure it’ll grow on you much so if you don’t like it right off you might as well just give up.
Soupo starts school next Tuesday. First Grade. It’s the Big Time now. Once they start numbering your grades, it all goes on your Permanent Record. And he gets to ride the bus this year. Good thing I have Katcha to keep me company or I might have to get a job or something. No one wants that.
-Rue. (shiftless and lazy)
But what about Lucy? She’ll still need you. Imagine the trauma if, when Katcha goes to school, you go and get a job in the real world <cue dramatic music>
Why, poor Lucy could wind up getting all neurotic and insecure and high strung and stuff - we couldn’t have that! It would be cruel! I’m sure the Little Woman will understand. I know I would if I was in her place.
yeah, right - like I’d let my husband stay home and be a bum…
Hey, everybody, welby’s going on vacation. We get a whole week to ourselves without his obnoxious, odious oppression. (Hey, it just came out that way. I don’t plan these things ahead of time.)
I don’t think anyone calls ‘em a “bust” anymore tanook’. You got to stay up with the times. Like me. Yeah, then you’ll be Jake.
The “real world” can wait Snickers. Before I throw myself back into the salt mines, I get to go back to school. (I hope I get a uniform. Short pants and a cap. That would be so cool!) And just think of all the hi-jinx I can get into in a school environment. The fodder for MMP’s is limitless!
Sorry Bumb, that Can Not Happen. We’d have to buy a baby somewhere. They do give you a reciept when you buy a baby, right? So we can return it if we don’t like it? They didn’t give us reciepts for either of the boys and we were stuck with them. Then I saw ads for boats and had to kick myself for not looking ahead.
I blame you for the languishment welbs. And the scabbiness. It’s all your fault. We need your sparkle, your pizzazz to keep these thing bouyed to the top of the lists. It’s all you man. Keep on it. (Work or us, what’s important?)
And if you’re buying presents, I collect shot glasses.
-Rue. (not really wanting a boat anyway)
Howdy y’all! (I’m still saying y’all a lot and notice the punctuation for this sentence is going inside the parenthesis because the whole sentence in inside parenthesis.) I’ve been busy driving around south Jawja looking at ramps, kitchens, bathrooms, audible and visible alarms and stuff all week. No, I haven’t been wandering in and out of complete strangers homes (even though I don’t know any of the people whose homes I’ve been in) at random, I made appointments first. See, we have this project called Home Access going on at work. We can do modifications to make homes more accessible for persons with disabilities. I get to go in after the work is done and inspect the work to be sure it was done right. Yes, I do know how to do that. So anyway I’ve been all over south Jawja from the Alabama state line to the Florida state line to the Georgia coastline. I’m tired. Oh and I was in a meeting in Thomasville, GA last night til nine o’clock. Thomasville is 73.4 miles from my house. I just knew y’all wanted to know what I do. Today I get to do it some more but I just gotta go about 30 miles from my office which makes it about 37.2 miles from my home.
-swampbear (travelin’ bear who looks at his trip meter thing a lot)
Wait a cotton-pickin’ minute here - you mean you were right up the road from me and you didn’t call and you didn’t stop by?!? And here I thought you wuz my friend. Sheesh - da noive of some people!
It wasn’t a serious suggestion. Rue, it was a joke, like. I would never suggest that someone should have a baby who doesn’t already want a baby. In fact, I think a lot of the people who want a baby shouldn’t have a baby. See, it’s like kittens. They think they’re so cute and adorable when they’re little, but they grow up into cats. And babies grow up into teenagers. You have to think ahead about these things. Do you really want a creature in your house that does nothing but eat and sleep and destroy the furniture? Wait, am I talking about teenagers or cats here? What’s the difference? Oh yeah, cats don’t ask you for money or steal your cigarettes. So forget I said anything about it okay?
BTW, if all it takes is a hat to make a guy Jake, then I’m extremely Jake. I’ve got about forty of 'em.
Swampbear do you guys do home elevators? I’ve always wanted one of those. I’d even get a jacket and little cap and stand in the elevator and when someone of the female pursuasion got on I could say: “Going Dowwwnnnnn?”
For guys I’d just say “Where to Mack?” though.
There are lots of fun things you can do with, and in, elevators.
Well, I haven’t been doing anything nearly as interesting as traveling around Jawja inspecting the accessiblity of homes for people with disabilities. I’ve been swimming. Not in Swampy’s pool, but the YMCA pool. We’ve been milking the last days of summer (and not strawberries) for all they’re worth. But, we’re back now.
FCM have you looked at the Jawja/Flowerdy border lately? It goes a looooooooong way. Ok I was in the two counties that border whatever county in Flowerdy that is on the Atlantic right there but still I bet I was a ways from Orange Park.
Bumbazine sorry no elevators (most houses couldn’t bear the weight of one anyways) but we did pay for the installation of one of those chair lift things for a two story house. I even got to ride in it to test it out. It was fun but the ride’s not real long. Glad I didn’t have to wait in line to ride.
Ellen Cherry what a loverly tan you have!
I’ve been hanging out at my pool a lot too. Well, not a lot, but whenever I get the chance.
I’m hosting a staff social at my home next Wednesday, immediately after work. It’s supposed to be a pool party. The flier for it even has poem on it. The last two lines are:
Come on out and play in the pool
At swampy’s house it’s sure to be cool.
Ain’t that sweet.
I invited the entire staff from where I work to my home. :eek: Now they’ll know where I live. What have I done!
It’s Rue’s MMP or bust!
