“It was only $15 and I was already there and I already had my clothes off, so I figur

I think my mom has the best overheard story ever. She was sitting in a restaurant listening to the two women behind her talk about kids who don’t mind their parents.

“Yeah,” said one woman. "You remember my brother Jimmy used to be like that. He’d never come when you called him.

"So my mother got one of them shock collars to put around his neck when we went out and she’s have the remote with her. When he’d run off in public like that she’d call ‘Jimmy’. And he wouldn’t come.

"So she’d give him another chance, and call ‘JIMMY!’, but he still wouldn’t come.

“So then she’d call ‘JIMMY!’ and he still wouldn’t come, so she’d push the remote and he’d go AAAUGHHH! miming him raising his hands and falling over

My mother busted out laughing, and the women gave her dirty looks.

In that spirit: … so I figured, what the heck, that tiny shock collar would fit right snug onto my…

… so I figured, what the heck, I’ll get another one attached. Everyone loves a double-header.

…so I figured, what the heck, I may as well have my hemorrhoids pushed back in too.

I am so sorry, that was sick and wrong.

…so I figured what the heck, It will grow back right?

Right??

RIGHT???

I really like that one!
.so I figured what the heck, I can always have it lasered off.

…so I fugured, what the heck - he’s 18…