My son should be leaving the hospital soon. He’ll have to use a walker for awhile until he gets some strength back. The doctors have put him on a dietary regimen, and he’s taking things like albumin to get his protein levels up. His sibs, his mother, his girlfriend and his ex-wife are putting together a schedule where someone can be with him at all times. I don’t yet know what sort of medical followup will be needed. So: at 40 years of age, he’s an alcoholic with damaged organs and other issues, has no job and is on state welfare and medical assistance.
This stupid cyst is still draining, after being lanced by the doctor (fun!) and three weeks of antibiotics. He had me on doxycyclene, which didn’t seem to be cutting it. Called yesterday and asked him if he remembered me telling him that I took doxy daily for three years in Africa as an anti-malarial and could that be a problem here. So now I’m taking a 10 day round of something unpronounceable.
I’ve heard the saying “This day is closed”. This means that after a day is over (perhaps a bad day) that it is closed. I guess also one could say “This month is closed”. I realize that people have to look back at negative events, but as time passes most things do get better.
Sometimes when we have had a series of bad events, things get better. Hope things improve for you.
As do I. No parent likes to face the prospect of the death of a child. He can recover and still have a good life. Whether he will or not is pretty much up to him.
As a fairly local to me poster, I usually like your posts.
We are entering the cold, damp, wet season in the NW that isn’t as hard a Winter to get through as it is in other areas that have actual seasons, but sometimes it just drags you down and you think that Spring will never come. Rain, cold, damp, rain, and the some more rain.
Saps your energy and spirit. Throw in the other events happening to you now and it can seem like Spring is a long, long way to go.
Daffodils will come up in February, an Oregon Spring will soon follow, your cyst will have healed, and your brother-in-law will remain dead. And you are living in one of the nicest areas in the world.
Interesting (?) note, though: I keep seeing things that give me a visceral gag reflex, as they remind me of the discharge. For instance, we had an ‘everything’ bagel this morning, and the brown top with the onions, garlic, etc., nearly made me lose my appetite. Anything caramel-colored and liquid does the same thing. I hope that goes away, eventually.
The latest news is that my son is exhibiting all the symptoms of the so-called “dry drunk”, basically treating everyone who cares for him like shit. Not sure how they should deal with that.
The devil is back for another shot at the title. After being off alcohol and making an attempt at living life, my son has fallen off the wagon once again. He’s so good at hiding it that his SO didn’t notice, but my daughter copped to it. After many promises of seeking counseling for his self destructive behavior, he ultimately never went and started up drinking again. After my daughter caught him two days ago, he apparently stopped again.
Yesterday, while he had his young son and nephew over for a visit, he had a withdrawal seizure. His son had the presence of mind to call his mother and it all ended up in the ER, where they sedated him with valium and ran a CT and EKG, which showed nothing abnormal. He stayed the night.
The toll this is taking on family is significant at this point. He can’t be watched 24/7, even if someone had the time for that. We’re all at a loss on this. He’s going to see a shrink this week, finally, but someone will have to be there to make sure he attends the sessions; but he’s a grown man and can’t be forced to do something he doesn’t want to do. I fear, however, that if someone doesn’t get to the root of his problems soon, we may all be attending a funeral in the near future.
But it’s a relapsing disease, and people can and do recover despite that. I had 3 major relapses before I found sobriety, between 1984 and 1990. Been good since. It took what it took for me.
So worry and give proper, non-enabling support. But don’t despair.
Consider Al-anon, to find other people in your situation. And hopefully he’ll embrace his peers in a recovery group and find sobriety there. I did.
Chefguy I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I truly empathize with the situation, and wish that I had some words of wisdom to share, but I do not. I have been where you are with in-laws, friends, and my brothers and it just bites no matter which angle you look at it from.
His son is what keeps him from just jumping off a bridge, I think. I’m very worried that his ex-wife may decide that the boy isn’t safe with him and take away visitation rights. It would be the final blow for him, but she is certainly well within her rights to do it, and a judge would agree with her.
I’m pretty sure this episode may spell the end of his current relationship, as well, not to mention costing him his job. There’s a slim chance that he could keep the job, as it’s tied up with another family member, but if it comes down to it, nobody is going to risk their own financial security for him. That would make him pretty much unemployable, as he’s burned too many bridges at this point. Fucking hell.
I missed this thread on the first go-around. I don’t have any advice that would be worth anything, but I will pray for him, and the whole family. I don’t know his name, but God will and if I say “Chefguy’s son” the message will get through.
We are all here to listen when you need to talk or vent.
