My son Keith passed away on Friday, June 1st, at age 42. Some of you may have read my angry post about his latest alcohol event in the Pit, and that I was headed out there.
Over the years here, I’ve posted his ups and downs: getting his AA-LPN certification, his opioid addiction and recovery, and his struggles with alcohol that resulted in multiple trips to the ER. And then there was his depression.
The plus side of his life was that he was a caring person, always trying to lift others out of their funks and troubles, always ready with a joke, always loving to his family and friends. He was the best uncle and father a child could ever have, and his last employment was at a local child care facility in his town, where he was adored by the kids and staff. I must admit that he was my favorite child from an early age and I am devastated at this huge loss. His one failure was that while he gave generously of himself to others, he never had a sense of self worth, and would slip into depression and alcohol abuse more and more frequently in recent years.
His needless death leaves a gigantic hole in the lives of all that knew him, but especially in the lives of his immediate family; his three siblings, his parents, and his two boys.
I was able to see him in the ICU. His liver was failing and he was on a ventilator. He had tubes of all sorts for feeding, monitoring and elimination. His skin was a bright orange-yellow, and he had contracted a cellulitis infection that was resistant to antibiotics. Over the course of the 12 days I was there, he had some good lucid moments and understood what was happening to him. We were able to tell him that we loved him, and once he was off the ventilator, he was able to croak it in return.
As with most people in that end stage, he was up and down from day to day, giving us hope one day and despair the next. But the end game was never in doubt. We agreed to DNR measures, and on May 30th, they removed the CPAP and most everything else, keeping him on morphine and another drug to ease his labored breathing, as his lungs filled up. He died peacefully and quietly. He will be cremated, and the church service will be tomorrow, which I will miss, as I am back at home now.
I am paying for the mortuary services, which will run about $7,000. My family and ex-wife will incur expenses beyond that, however. We were able to get him on Medicaid that was retroactive to May 1st, but there are likely still medical bills out there that my ex will be paying, along with having to deal with his car and other possessions. They have set up a GoFundMe site to try to cover that, and to raise some money for his 12-year-old son.
I have sudden outbursts of tears and sadness that seem to come at random. I see his face in front of me. I still cannot cope with his beautiful soul being gone forever. I take some solace in the fact that the last words he said to me were “I love you” when we ended our phone call on my birthday, two weeks before his death. I love you too, my beautiful boy, now and always.
Thanks for reading.