My Assets.
One box of Ritz
One wedge of Brie(herb infused)
One block of aged cheddar(so sharp I could cut the knife with it)
One package baby tender swiss.
One ball Mozzerella.
One tub cream cheese.
1/2 round Gouda.
One package honey baked ham
One link pepperoni
One hunk hard salami
One small summer sausage
One piece(:() Procuitto
three kinds of mustard(Honey, Dijon, Chinese)
Horseradish
Mayo
Cholula
Tabaso
Cajun Sunshine
My Liabilities
No Tomatoes(which really hurts the usefullness of the Mozza)
No Serranos (Is anything better than a big butt end slice of a serrano smushed into the cream cheese on a ritz?)
My plan
Duh. 
Who says you need to cook a damn thing to pig out on Easter. Just slice, place, smear, eat and repeat.
