“Don’t you hate it when you go to pee and you start and it takes like 5 minutes for the pee to reach the end and start coming out.”
What about when you poop? It hangs in the water like a giant stirring rod?
Yes, yes! I know exactly what you are talking about! When I have to pee it takes an eternity! If I’m really in a hurry, I’ll grab it near the base and start twirling my dong “lasso-style” to speed up the process, but this is only sanitary if your are alone in the wilderness due to the unavoidable spray.
To answer some other questions, I avoid bicycles like the plague. Half of my puberty is the emergency room getting my schlong unraveled from spokes and bike chains. (An unfortunate situation: this is when my enormous ding-dong went through its massive growth spurt – almost a foot per day – and is also the time in a young man’s life when he rides his bicycle the most). But I learned my lesson.
Now my preferred mode of transportation is swinging through the trees like Tarzan! I just coil out the ol’ johnson and whip it around a tree branch (a trick I learned from Indiana Jones, only he used an actual whip) and swing merrily away! That’s why I prefer highly forested areas. If you look closely, you might even see me swinging through the trees along the interstate. I can get going up to 45 mph with the wind at my back.
As far as taking dumps, I leave my dong coiled around my left arm, with the tip snaked into the bowl just enough so that I can whiz. I don’t leave the coil on the bathroom floor (filthy!) and I can’t leave it looped through my belt buckle like normal since my pants around my ankles. If I feel too lazy to stand up, I simply throw my penis over the top of the stall, grab the tip, and hoist myself out of the toilet seat. If I’m finished pooping and find to my chagrin that there is no toilet paper, I simply toss the ol’ peter over into the next stall and kindly ask my neighbor to tie a roll on and throw it back my way.
I hope that clears up some of your questions. I guess that having the hugest dong known to mankind isn’t all that bad after all!
I coil mine up on a red rider wagon I pull behind me. Whenever I go up stairs or curbs, I have to get a few people to help me pick up my wagon, which is quite heavy. I tie a piece of string to the wagon handle and tie it to my belt loop, so I can pull the wagon behind me. I need to wear hiking boots with lots of grip so I can get enough traction to pull this eighty-pound trolly of my coiled love hose.
I only wish that Uncle Sam would let me help out in the war effort. Officially, (keep in mind, this is highly classified information) my wang is classified as a weapon of mass destruction, and I have to keep a permit on me at all times so that I am not considered a terrorist.
If only they would let me use it in Iraq! You see, I could let myself get into an excited state of full arousal, and then wield my dong like a mighty sword. I could take out a town with a few full swings of my rod. Couple this with a little air support and some ground troops, and next thing you know there would be free elections in Iraq. Also, I could use it as a patriot missile to intercept incoming missiles. Unfortunately, George W. is too concerned about America getting charged with war crimes should we utilize my donger as a military weapon.
Oh well. Mine is a peace-loving penis anyways.
We’re listening, FB…
Wow, you guys really have trouble with those long ones. I’m glad mine isn’t long.
It is kind of thick, though.
Having sex is kind of like pulling an extra small sock onto an extra big foot, except that the sock is the woman and the foot is… Well, you know.
I don’t understand the desire for attractive women, either. They all look the same when they’re stretched paper thin around my unit.
You wanna talk sexy… Some of your larger railroad tunnels, now there’s some sexy! A guy could have fun with some of those.
I think it is horrible when I get some of those e-mails for some of those “penile enhancement creams”. How do they think I got this way in the first place? When I was 15, my little brother thought that it would be funny to mix some “Mighty Member Penis Extender” in with the Vasoline. I walk into the bathroom 15 minutes later, find my secret playboy, and well you know. I was wearing shorts at the time. When I finally had the nerve to come out, I had to run past my family at the kitchen table doing the 3-legged race. They never let me live that down at Christmas.
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose penis was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped of his chin
“Ear my ear was a twat I could f*ck it!”
–IDB
I suppose you have to unfurl it at night time then just to let it breathe??? lol… :))
I may only have 8 inches, but width ain’t everything!
[Drew Carey]
My dick is so big, it has its own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours…
My dick is so big popcorn now comes in 4 sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and My Dick…
My dick is so big, it doesn’t even take calls from Steven Spielberg…
[/DC]
Don’t worry. There’s a support group for everything.
Is there a support group for FaerieBeth’s breasts?
There is help go to http://www.lpsg.org
I just prevented a bank robbery with my enormous schlong!
I was in line at Wells Fargo when I sensed a twitching sensation in my coiled up dong (it senses evil). So I immediately turned my head to the door and, sure enough, two men wearing ski masks and carrying submachine guns burst through and ordered everyone to hit the ground!
I pretended to comply, but in the blink of an eye, I did a somersault back onto my feet, at which point I flung my wang at one of the burglars. It coiled around his neck and immediately dropped him to the ground, gasping for air! I recoiled my dong and stared menacingly at the second burglar, who stared right back at me. But there was fear in his eyes. . .
He darted for the dare in a desperate escape attempt. That’s when I flung my dong at the first burglar’s weapon (it was lying on the floor), where my penis picked it up, traveled around the corner, through the door, and emptied a clip into this dangerous felon! Now he’s a bloody mess in the middle of the sidewalk and is getting cleaned up right now! My giant johnson saved the day!
Tonight there is a banquet held in my honor, at which my penis will be awarded the medal of honor. It’s doing well, despite suffering some minor bruises and scrapes. It burns when I pee from the gunshot residue, but that should clear up in a few days.
This sack of crap now sees that you already have a bass guitar, so I guess you won’t be needing to borrow mine anymore!
I am just interested in what you are using for a bow…
(This may quite possibly be the most ridiculous thread I have read yet.)
[Eve Arden in Grease]
If you can’t be a athlete, then be an athletic supporter.
[/Eve Arden]
Dammit, there was an Onion editorial by a man who had experienced the trials and tribulations of coping with a giant schlong, but I can’t find it. :mad: