One Holiday season my brother and I were both sleeping over at our mother’s house. I got the couch and he got the spare bedroom. There was much drinking before bedtime.
About an hour after he went to bed he came out of the room and walked over to the bar just outside his door. He knocked his Levi’s bluejean jacket off a barstool, unzipped, and started peeing on it.
I went over and asked him what the hell he was doing, and he said disgustedly, “That family over there is burning the American flag!”
After that he went out for a cigarette and I followed to make sure he was alright and to satisfy my curiosity. I talked to him while he smoked and he mumbled some confused answers. After a while his eyes seemed to clear up and he became coherent. He didn’t remember peeing on his jacket and wouldn’t believe me until he saw it for himself.
I never found out what I was burning to know: Did he dream he was pissing on the ‘flag’ to put it out?
I awoke one night in college to hear my roommate describing taking a knife and running it clear around the head and then lifting the hair off like a wig.
I said “Dude! What the fuck are you talking about?” He giggled and said nothing more the rest of the night. (I know 'cause I didn’t sleep the rest of the night.)
I was visiting my brother and we went to a friend’s house for drinks. The previous night, we were also out and he had only about an hour of sleep before going to work. So, this night, he gets pretty drunk and since is overly tired, he passes out. Being the caring brother I am, I take the video camera to go bug him. I find him passed out on his friend’s kid’s bed which itself was hilarious since the bed was tiny and he’s 6’4" and about 230. Any way I start pestering him.
Him:Bugs mumblemumble
Me: Bugs who?
him: seven
me: what?
him seven SEVEN!
me: seven what?
him: four?
me: four what?
him: October!
At which point I burst into laughter and had to leave the room. I have the whole thing on video and bring it out every once in awhile when I see him. I showed my buddies the video while I was still in college and we decided to have an annual October 74th party ( I believe it lands somewhere around Dec 13th).
I’m told I do it a lot, and everyone knows because I regularly fall asleep on the couch. But I’m always afraid that I’m going to say something I don’t want known, and it doesn’t help that no one will ever tell me what I said. I start to think, “Oh crap! I know it, I know I said something I shouldn’t have!”
The other night my roommate was half asleep and her boyfriend was trying to wake her up. After him trying for awhile, their exchange went like this:
Him: Anne, if you don’t wake up I’m going to draw on you.
Her: You can’t!
Him: Why not?
Her: Direct deoposit!
Him: What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Her: If you try it you’ll bounce a check!
Hearing that made my night. And now we use “direct deposit” for everything. “You can’t change the channel!” “Why not?” “Direct deposit!!”
My SO, after a bout of playing Heroes for a long time,
“Will you make me into a castle yet?” He talks a lot in his sleep but most of it is unintelligible.
I generally don’t sleeptalk, but once after a very long 28-hour stretch of awakeness in college, I said, very clearly, “But what about my shave and shower?”
And once I had this horrible dream that my SO was beating me. (He would never lay a hand on me.) I woke from a dead sleep and flew up and shouted "YOU’RE MEAN!’ He was playing on the computer and sort of went WTF? But the dream was so vivid, so real…
Oh, I remembered one more, which again is just-coming-out-of-sleep…way back in college my boyfriend shook me awake once and I came awake and mumured his suitemate’s name. :eek:
I had no attraction to this suitemate whatsoever! I mean really! But it sure looked bad.
I had a roomie in my undergrad days who would relive his recent experiences at army boot camp. He’d be lying in his bed at attention, holding an imaginary rifle at port arms (or whatever it’s called when you hold your rifle in both hands across your chest) loudly saying, “Yes sir!”
Another brief roomate didn’t *do * anything funny except that he would lay face down and then gradually scrunch up until he was on his knees with his head still on the pillow. It was quite a surprise the first time I walked in from classes while he was taking an afternoon doggy-style nap.
Back in 1988, I had a kidney stone. I’ve never experienced pain like that before. My (now ex-) wife called the ambulance, they took me to the hospital and the docs gave me Demoral.
Mr. Demoral is your bestest friend when you’re hurting, believe me. However, he does weirdness with you as well. All I remember is answering questions and talking before I finally went to sleep. However, the ex and the medical staff all confirmed that I was speaking a mixture of English, German and Indonesian, and would sometimes slide back and forth between languages in the same sentence.
My Hubby is a sleep-talker, and it’s almost always about work. He’s woken me up before giving directions on how to impliment new policy, or to urgently ask me if I filed that report before the deadline. I always assure him that it’s all been taken care of and generally he’ll go back to snoring within a few moments. Honestly, I feel kinda sorry for him. It must really suck to dream about work and then have to get up and go to work. It’d be like working twice in one day.
There are exceptions. One night he woke me up by tenderly kissing up my forearm. I remember that I smiled because it was so sweet and loving. He got up to my hand, gently turned it over and suddenly bit down on the pad of flesh beneath my thumb. I squawked in shock and he woke instantly. “Did I just do that?” he asked. I asked him what he’d been dreaming, but he didn’t remember. My vote is that he was dreaming he was a vampire.
In high school, my friends and I would sometimes beg someone’s older brother to get us a hotel room so we could drink. One night, we were at a hotel playing the drinking game Circle of Death. Most of us were drinking beer or really weak mixed drinks. But one of my friends was playing with a strong concoction of vodka and OJ. Obviously, he got drunk fast and started to pass out. (He is the type if you put alcohol in front of him, he will get drunk. We have learned to start mixing his drinks late at night with water instead of booze, so he doesn’t go too far) So we were all awake, only slightly buzzed, and here he is starting to go to bed on the floor. We were like, “Hey Andy, let’s get you in bed.” He replies, “The secret police of South Park don’t know about this!”
Huh?
This was four years ago, but when we are together, one of us will randomly say, “The secret police of South Park don’t know about this!” We told him the next day he said that and he did not remember. He snored away the rest of the party and we were up for probably four more hours after he went to bed.
The most recent one from my SO started with him waking me up by laughing.
him: That’s ridiculous!
me: What is?
him: Dogs shouldn’t lick people!
me: But Babe, that’s how they show affection.
him: Not MY dog!!
Not sure what dogs he was talking about. But both of our dogs are lickers and the dog that has especially bonded with him (“his” dog) goes crazy when she starts licking us.
My SO had a dramatic dream that he was beating me. I was fully awake at the time, lying on my back (reading) with his arm around me. He twitched, then all of a sudden started apologizing as fast and as profusely as he possibly could. It took me several minutes to convince him that it had all been a dream - he kept insisting that he had punched me. After all, there was his fist, only inches from my face. He was so guilt-ridden that he refused to believe that his arm had been around me all along. Poor guy was completely mortified.
My GF is one of those wonderful people that not only answer when I’m asleep, but try to drag info out of me or steer the conversation in fun directions…
One time I went to class and I came home. She was sleeping in the bed so I left her alone for a bit, then walked back and asked her to get up and go to lunch. She woke up and began to smack at me. I guess she’d had a bad dream where I yelled at her…woke up very angry… :smack: teach me to wake up sleepin folks, huh?
Just the other day I was sleeping on the couch and she asked me how I was doing, apparently trying to start a conversation without realizing I was asleep…not only did she carry this conversation, she recorded it and played it back to me later…
Me: I’m ok…rolls over
Gf: You’re ok, huh, you sleepy?
Me: Well, I would like some cheese, yes…
Gf: Are you sure?
Me: Or I could drive a boat…
Gf: Not in my bed you won’t.
Me: Nope, I’ll do it in my bed…
then I went off into sleepy-land again.
She’s also told me that I have said these couple gems…
“Oh hun, the lobster is really good”
“Well, you can just forget about it, cause I don’t want to go home”
Not sleeping but under the influence…Five years ago, I ended up in the hospital with a very painful kidney infection. I was given morphine. For the first time in about 3 days, I was finally pain free. Apparently, I was also quite stoned.
My boyfriend had a theory. He had stayed with me for the 5 hours it took to get me into a room and then another hour while I waited for a doctor. His theory was that if left me to go smoke a cigarette, someone would finally come see me and take me somewhere. He was right. When he came back, I was out in the hall and completely loopy. Apparently, I had been for a CT scan and was left in the hall. I was laughing hysterically. My boyfriend, not realizing I was doped up, asked what was so funny. He tells me that I was laughing and pointing at the guy in front of me. The guy who was shackled to a wheelchair and flanked by two state cops. He claims that I said it was the funniest thing I had ever seen and that I kept trying to get him to stare at the guy in the shackles. I was also being really loud. For some reason, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t think it was very funny.
ABout 3 years ago…My boyfriend (the same one) and I were having some work done on our house. We had a fairly large crew remodeling our bathroom and putting in new windows. My boyfriend was working late shifts at the time so he was sleeping in our bedroom. The window right over the bed looks out on a covered walkway between the house and the garage. The windows at the time were very old crank out things. In all the time we had lived there, I had never had a run in with the windows. On this particular day, I was coming back from the garage with one of the workers and I walked straight into the window. The crack of my head was so loud that another worker, on the other side of the house, came running to find out what broke. I was knocked on my ass and very dazed but I remember very clearly hearing my boyfriend sit up in bed, yell out, “it wasn’t me! I didn’t do it!”, lie back down and start snoring again. After making sure I wasn’t dying, the workers started cracking up and made fun of him when he finally got up. He still doesn’t remember saying it.
