It's official, I just realized what the funniest episode of The Simpsons is

Cafe Society
1

$pringfield. (i.e., Burns’ Casino.)

Memorable moments include:

Homer: (after putting on toilet glasses) The sum of the square of any two sides of an icsosoles triangle equals the square of the remaining side!

Guy in stall: That’s a right triangle, you idiot!

Homer: D’oh!

(later)

Kissinger: No one must know I dropped them in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the Paris peace accord.
(followed by a beautiful awkward pauce with him, Burns, and Smithers.)

(scene of Young Burns repeatedly smashing his bumper car into an Irish worker)
Old Burns: Hahahahahahahahahahaha(change scene to several hours later) hahahahahahahha (Burns in bed) hahahahahahahahahaha (next day) hahahaha…ahhhh…what was I laughing at again? Oh yes, that crippled Irishman! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

English Guy: All the servers are real British women! Straight form the streets of Sussex, they are!
Girl: Freshen your drink, govnah?
Squeeky voiced teen: What are you gonna do? Make your own casino in your treehouse? And invite all your friends? I’d like to see that! (cut to Bart’s casino) Well, I guess he showed me.

Homer’s fantasy scene in the town hall, getting a phone call from the president from an octopus arm.
Burns decling into insanity.

Homer: No, the only monster here i the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor! And it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Homer: feregmooenroewnrtosfneoiur!
Marge: Homer, slow down!
Homer: fere gmooen roew nrtoosfn eoiur!
.
.
.
Homer: You made Lisa cry…then I cried…then Maggie laughed, she’s such a litle trooper!

And, of course, the Boogyman sequence.

Lisa: Dad, I had a dream that the Boogyman was here and-
Homer: Ahhhhhh! Boogyman!..Bart, I don’t want to alarm you, but there may be a Boogyman or Boggymen in this house.
Bart: Ahhhhhh!

Cut to Marge coming home, house in shambles, Homer, Lisa, and Bart behind a matress with a shotgun.
Marge: What happened here?
Homer: Oh, nothing. Just a little incident involving the BOGGYMAN!

2

“And the jars of Urine, sir?”
“Oh, we’ll be hanging on to those.”

Not the single funniest episode ever, IMO, but definitely somewhere in the top 20 or 30.

3

Don’t forget the scene wherte homer tells Lisa they just need to improvise to make food and takes a frozen pie shell, fills it with cloves and pours Tom Collins mix over the top. He takes a bite, pauses and says “let’s go get your mother”.

4

I’ve never seen it. :frowning:

Well, I saw about the last five minutes during its original airing, but I’ve never caught a rerun.

–Cliffy

5

I was just quoting this epsidode yesterday. My favorite part:

6

I LOVE THAT EPISODE! The ending of it is a little weak, but I can forgive that because the first three quarters are comedy gold. I love the part where Robert Goulet is singing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” up in the treehouse, spins the microphone on its cord and hits Milhouse in the face. :smiley:

7

I agree 100%, with Who Shot Mr. Burns being the only other episode I would consider to be the best. Burns threatening Smithers when he suggests that the plane is just a model was probably my favorite part. Strangely, I’ve only seen the episode twice, when it originally aired and once in syndication (and I watched two shows a day almost everyday for 3 years or so.

8

I haven’t seen this one in ages. I’ll have to get Season Five or steal it from a friend. And I think my vote for “funniest” still goes to Cape Feare.

9

My vote for funniest is “Homer Badman” …
“I’ll see you in hell, candy boys!”

“We’re into hour 16 of our round-the-clock coverage of the Simpsons house. Tonight at eleven, we’ll show you the highlights, such as when the garbage man came and when Marge put the cat out - possibly because it was harassed, we don’t know.”

10

Is $pringfield the episode where Lisa says “I’m not a state, I’m a monster”?

BTW, Marge never did get over her gambling problem, at least not entirely. Remember when Homer was placing the food order at IRS Burger and asked Marge what her gambling losses were for the last year?

11

Burns: “I’ve found the perfect business. Pleople just walk in, empty their pockets
and leave”

12

I think he said ‘scuttle away’ and not ‘leave’.

13

“Nothing can stop me now… except microscopic germs. But we won’t let that happen, will we Smithers?”

Best. Episode. Ever.

14

“Freemasons rule the country!”

“Sir, Robert Goulet hasn’t arrived yet.”
“Very well. Begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.”

15

This may get my vote too.

The Rock Bottom interview

The “Under the Sea” number

The Gentle Ben talk show

Denniz Franz as Homer S.

Homemade Prozac

Marge: “Look, maybe this whole thing will blow over.”
Homer: “It didn’t blow over, Marge. Nothing ever blows over for me.” [family car blows over]

Kent Brockman: “Now, here are some results from our phone-in poll: 95% of the people believe Homer Simpson is guilty. Of course, this is just a television poll which is not legally binding, unless proposition 304 passes. And we all pray it will.”

16

Whenever I see something on TV with the disclaimer “dramitization,” I always mimic out loud the “dramitization: may not have happened” from this scene.

“Then I noticed she was sitting on…her…sweet…can. So I grabbed her…sweet…can…[drools]…oh, if I could just have…her…sweet…sweet…s…s…s.sweet…can.”

This is my all-time favorite Simpsons moment ever. Gentle Ben being tranquilized by the Ben Control never fails to make me laugh. And that please-stand-by card with Ben holding the little girl’s hand as if in sympathy? Priceless.

[sub]The nerds on the Internet are not geeks- Cats do not eventually turn into dogs- If you are reading this, you have no life- Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse- Lyndon Johnson was not the voice of Yosemite Sam- The Friends gang is not a real gang- the Beatles have not reunited to enter kickboxing competitions- drinking salt water will not chase the thirsties away- licking an electrical socket will not turn you into a Mighty Morphing Power Ranger- bullets do not bounce off of fat guys- the people who are writing this have no life[/sub]

17

Of course, there’s no way to see into the Simpson home without some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. So, let’s turn it on.
[heat sensitive camera view]
Now, this technology is new to me, but…I’m pretty sure that’s Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. [closeup of turkey] His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees – he’s literally stewing in his own juices.

Marge: There are only 49 stars on that flag.
Abe: I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!

18

No no! “Whacking Day”

  • “I am evil Ho-mer! I am evil Ho-mer!”

  • “Avert your eyes, children - he may take on other forms”

  • (mob) Boooo!
    (Quimby) “you’re all a bunch of fickle mush-heads!”
    (mob) “Yeah, give us hell, Quimby!”

plus a castrati christmas, more reasons to beat up on the Irish, and Marge getting turned on by Homer’s Whacking stick…

mm

19

Sorry, I can’t help it. Although it’s not my favorite episode- that would be The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show- Homer Bad Man has so many great lines, I have to quote them (some are paraphrased):

“That’s your solution to everything- to move under the sea. It’s not gonna happen!”
“Not with that attitude.”

“Fox Night at the Movies now returns to ‘Homer S.-Portrait of an Ass Grabber’ starring Dennis Franz.”
“Ooh…portrait! Sounds classy.”

“If you touch me, I’ll scream so loud the entire country will hear!”
“With a man in the White House? Yeah, right!”

“C’mon! If we hurry, we can meet the two surviving Musketeers!”

SPRINGFIELD CONVENTION CENTER
CANDY CONVENTION
ROOM 1!
ALSO
CANDY-SHAPED
RAT POISON CONVENTION
ROOM 11

“Wax Lips- the candy of a thousand uses.”
“Such as?”
“One- a humorous substitute for your own lips. Two…um…I’m needed in the basement.” (pantomimes walking down a staircase)

“This is the finest gummi of them all- the gummi Venus de Milo. Handcrafted by gummi artisans who work exclusively in the field of gummi.”
“Would you two stop saying ‘gummi’ so much?”

“Remember that postcard Grampa sent us from Florida where the alligator was biting that woman’s butt? We all had a good laugh.”
“That was hilarious!”
“Yes, but it turns out it wasn’t so funny as we thought. That alligator was sexually harrasing that woman.”
“The dog in the Coppertone ad- is that the same thing?”
“Well, that’s sort of a gray area.”

“Two, four, six, eight! Homer’s crime was very great! [pause] ‘Great’ meaning ‘large or immense!’ We use it in the perjorative sense!”

“I liked it better when the TV shows weren’t making fun of me. I know- Evening at the Improv! They don’t make fun of anything past the 1980s.”
“Y’know. I think about weird things. Like, what if E.T. and Mr. T had a baby. It would probably be Mr. E.T. And it would probably sound like this…I pity the fool who don’t phooone hoooome!”
“Heh heh heh…I wouldn’t want to be Mr. T right now.”

“Grampa, this flag only has 49 stars.”
“I’ll be deep in the cold cold ground before I recognize Missoura!”

“Two calls- a new record. No, Janice doesn’t live here. Yes, I am interested in changing my long distance service…very interested.”

20

Myself, I’m partial to “Flaming Moe,” with this priceless exchange of dialogue making me laugh harder than anything else on The Simpsons ever:

Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can get some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.

Homer: [sickly sweet] Oh, look at me! I’m making people happy! I’m the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! [leaves the room, slamming the door] [pokes his head back in] Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic. [closes the door]

Marge: Well, DUH!