Finally coming to rest now.
This morning I awoke to the dread of having to return to the home I used to share with the soon to be ex. For those keeping score she fled to Hawaii a little over two weeks ago, leaving a house full of stuff for her children and me to deal with.
On the onset, though I had a falling out with her children, her daughter has taken the lead between the two and is acting quite civilly, so my worries about having to fight out some issues have not come up.
Today I put some stuff in the big pickup truck that was to be hers but that I took over at the last minute, attached the utility trailer and loaded riding lawnmower for the two hour trip back to the place my GPS refers to as “Shithole”. Traffic was thick on Virginia’s I95 but I still made it there in a reasonable time.
Once I arrived I texted the landlord that I was available to hand over the rent for the place I don’t live in. I am obligated through June and I will meet that obligation. I then got to work in the house digging through things, grabbing what is mine. My soon to be ex had already separated items according to what she thought was ownership prior to her flight, but I reviewed her choices and opted to take a few items that she would probably disagree with me over them. My rational was that there are numerous items that I used to own that were thrown away or sold by her, so in her absence I believe I was right in choosing a few items to replace the ones I used to own and that she had abandoned to her children (who already have all this shit). Mainly I filled out my kitchen supplies so that I can continue to cook for myself, and I availed myself to a substantial spice collection, which would have likely gone to waste otherwise.
After I completed this chore I offloaded the mower to take a pass at the lawn. At this point the landlord and her daughter arrived and I fetched the rent check. We discussed the events that had brought us to this point (my soon to be ex had poisoned our relationship with the landlord and I had not spoken to her in almost a year). We reviewed the property and made plans for my exit. She even felt sorry for me and promised to try to rent the place before the end of my lease to try to cut me a break. I don’t expect it to happen but it’s a nice thought.
After awhile I went back to my chores while the landlord reviewed the property on her own. I was walking back to the lawn mower when a pickup passed the property, stopped, reversed quickly and pulled in the driveway. A man jumped out and walked briskly towards me, visibly angry. I kinda recognized him but I often quickly forget people I don’t regularly interact with.
Moments later I was reminded he was Spencer, my soon to be ex’s hay guy. She had three horses up until she fled (and at times had as many as 5!) thus the need for a big pickup and whatnot. He demanded to see my soon to be ex, as she owed him $350 for several round bales of hay and she was not answering her phone.
I informed him of the circumstances, told him I was not obligated to her debt, then proceeded to honor it anyway. I don’t have the money right now but he accepted two postdated checks over the next month that I can pay.
With that all concern over filling out my kitchen with the stuff I had taken was gone.
Four years ago I was going through something very similar. At that time my first wife had left me, taking the children and all she could stuff into a truck over a weekend. I was left to try to keep a large house by myself. After ex #1 left I wandered through the trashed home, trying to think of what I would do with it, how I would make it a home once again.
When I entered my daughter’s room I was surprised to find her fish tank was still there. It had a ghost fish, a dojo, and a placostomus. I quickly moved the tank from it’s abandoned spot to the kitchen so the creatures would play a part in the home’s existence.
Since then the dojo and ghost fish have passed, but the placostomus still lives and has been joined by two catfish.
Fast forward to today - the tank had been moved to this home (I lost that other house to short sale a few months ago) and when I went to the house today I saw the fish were still there and alive. I had assumed they would be taken by my soon to be ex’s children. Though they were still alive however the house was cold (water temp 65 degrees) and they likely had not been fed in awhile. As I only visit every other weekend, the decision was obvious.
I carefully emptied the tank, transferred the three fish to a large tupperware container, and brought them home. In my new house I spent the evening cleaning the tank and gravel, then slowly filled the tank with filtered water. I finished the job about an hour ago. Tonight the fish will stay in the tupperware as the tank and tupperware temps equalize. Tomorrow I will put the fish in their new (old) home.
It’s been a long day, yet somehow I feel like I really got something done. Moving stuff from one place to another is important. Bringing the fish home, to my home, was healing.
Good night.
