I've become boring. Liven me up!

In My Humble Opinion
1

I used to be a lot of fun. I was funny, creative, up for anything, full of interesting questions and comments to the stories of others, and had lots of interesting stories and anecdotes of my own.

For a few years now, I see myself becoming blander. I can largely see why - as a stay-at-home-mom to two kids under 5, much of my life is kid-centric and doesn’t give me much to talk about at adult gatherings. I’ve also found that since having kids, I am more cautious in a lot of ways (despite trying to fight it) and and am more self-conscious about blurting something out that I think is witty, instead worrying that it will sound childish or stupid or just not funny or interesting. More often, though, it’s not about censoring myself so much as I just plain can’t think of anything to say, even to close friends.

I do alright in conversations about kids, or something in the news, but everyone else just always seems to have so many other great things to talk about and I find myself with a (genuine) smile plastered on my face saying, “mm-hmm” and “oh, I know” as they tell me their interesting tale.

I am generally happy, I read a lot, have several hobbies I am passionate but not great at (running, writing, art, gardening, cooking) as well as some causes and issues I feel strongly about but am not currently actively involved in (gay rights, natural foods, gender equality) and don’t have the means to take any courses right now nor the ability or desire to go back to work at this time (and the job I’m on leave from is absolutely not fodder for any interesting conversation). I have done some travelling, but not much and not for years, and I watch some tv.

I really dislike being this lame, bland person, but don’t have any idea how to get back the person I used to be! I want to participate in sparkling discussion, contribute to bursts of laughter, come up with interesting things to do! Help me stop being the boring tagalong that nobody remembers afterwards!

2

Too late to edit, but I realize this makes me sound like the perfect conversation partner, so I must confess that there are also times that I am so desperate to add something to the conversation that I do end up responding with something vague or poorly worded that makes me sound stupid, or something only tangentially related and not all that interesting (gawd, probably usually about my kids!) that makes me sound self-centred.

I’ll also add that most of the people I socialize with are in the same boat as me - mostly parents, many of them stay-at-home - so it’s not like I just need (or want!) to find some little mommy coffee klatch where we can just sit around and chatter about diapers. They all seem to be able to be parents AND interesting and dammit I want to be, too!

3

You’re not alone. It will get better.

In the mean time, blank stares and comforting nods are good.

Two kids under 5? You’ve got about 8 years to go before you can join the human race again.

Sorry.

4

Good grief. I’m not a parent but that sounds so depressing, Leaffan…!

I have no real answer for you, Elret: all I know is that if you think you’re boring you will be; and if you think you’re boring, you’re probably bored.

I imagine that kids are great and all that stuff and like anything you do day in, day out, it has to have chunks of tediousness and expanses of the unexciting. Maybe it would help to not wholly identify yourself as a mother; that being a mother is a just one part of the many that make up Elret. Elret who is everything you know you are.

So what if your witticisms miss the mark once in a while. Fuck 'em all and say 'em anyway. Then laugh outrageously and run outside.

Maybe you’re taking yourself too seriously right now, and judging yourself too harshly. Feeling the way you do at the moment is only going to be for a moment unless you start giving it some currency and some meaning. You are who you’ve always been - just to remember how to be that playful, entertaining idiot again who finds herself so highly amusing she’s brilliant company to have around.

5

I can relate.

How about expanding a hobby? I notice you listed running. Enter any races lately? Training runs with other runners? It gives you some adult time, a chance to see different things, and, well, you’re running. Plus I can’t think of a runner I’ve met that I’d consider boring.

How about something absolutely outside of what you think you can do? Longer race? Half-marathon? Marathon? Longer? Trail run (I can almost guarantee your mind will be in the moment and not on what the kids want for dinner).

Do photos like these do anything for you? (They make my jaw drop and drool collect on my desk. Photos aren’t mine; just stuff I look at when I’m bummed at work.)

6

nm

7

Just 20 minutes of Cracked.com every day makes for amazing conversation tidbits! If you’re a single mid20’s the chances are everyone else is reading it too and this might backfire, but in parenting circles you might just blow a few minds.

8

Is it the case that your friends/acquaintance don’t share the same hobby interests? I’ve noticed that gardeners in particular, always have something to talk about with each other. Especially the low-impact/organic gardeners, they are always swapping problems and solutions.

It probably doesn’t feel this way, but to a lot of people being an experienced home cook and gardener is actually unusual and fascinating. I agree with 6impossible… you might have a bit of the blahs right now, and are judging yourself harshly.

9

Zzzzzzzz…

10

I am a married man at 50. Pretty much always have been a loner, and happy with it. My Wife and I are not extensive travelers, but we get around.

My Wife is an Iron Man Triatlete, she has a very busy hobby that I support and volunteer at. I didn’t really have anything myself though hobby wise. Or didn’t
I did find that I wanted more than working on the house and playing with the dogs.

So pretty much out of the blue, I bought a banjo. Some guys buy Corvettes, I bought a Gold Tone. A pretty expensive one. I did not want to be able to blame failure on poor equipment, and the more invested in it made me…. More invested in it. I’ve never played an instrument in my life. It’s given me much more to look forward to and talk about. I just love it, and I now always have something to look forward to.

Beats the hell out of watching TV. I love playing ‘Christine’.
Don’t know if an instrument would help the OP, but it’s been great for me. If anything, I have surprised the heck out of my friends and family by taking this up.

11

Make a point of watching the news every day or every other day to keep up on current events. Also perhaps you could join a book club or otherwise pick a book to read every month. Being able to talk about current events and something you are currently reading will fill a lot of conversational gaps.

12

Do you have a little time to go volunteer? I’ve been volunteering at the zoo lately because I kind of felt I’d gotten a bit housebound except for work - it’s hard work but I enjoy it, the people are nice, and now I’ve got stories to tell people!

13

Thanks guys, I’m feeling sort of inspired! I think it’s true that I’m perpetuating a rut by moping about my lameness instead of focusing on my awesomeness.

14

I agree with trying new and different and more challenging things. Learn a language (I’m working on Latin), read a book on something you’ve always been interested in or volunteer for a non-profit. Work on enjoying YOUR life and making yourself happy…I don’t think every parent can find all of their life’s fulfillment in parenthood. (I say that as a non-parent)

Don’t worry about what other people think about you or your awesomeness. Say what’s on your mind. Crack yourself up. Go for it!

15

Being a good conversationalist is a skill. Like you, I’m rusty at it (for different reasons). Having mostly only your kids to talk to, day in and day out, is going to stunt the appearance of your adult wit. You probably censor yourself all the time in front of your kids, and it’s becoming ingrained.

I’m not a mom myself, but I imagine that both the hormonal changes and the change of focus you’ve undergone have contributed to your boringness. You might have more fun surrounding yourself with other moms; there is a huge young working mom contingent at my current workplace and they all seem to enjoy chatting about their kids most of the time.

Instead of trying to recapture the wild days of your carefree youth, though, I think it would be better to come to terms with the fact that when you have kids, you’re never going to be the same again. Not that you have to be boring, per se, but you have experiences and perspectives that childless people will never have. You will worry about your kids, a lot. You will have financial pressures and other restrictions that will change you. You won’t be able to get out of the house as much and spend time with as many adults. You will likely not feel as free to shout loud curses at your tv or computer screen in the middle of the night. These changes sound minor taken on their own, but over time they do change you.

As far as what you can do to fix it, you might also think of getting a part time job if your kids are old enough for part-time daycare (or if you have a reliable family member to babysit). Even if most or all of your wages go to paying for daycare, there’s something good to be said for having a reason to get out of the house and interacting with other adults a few days a week!

16

Maybe start smoking crack? I’m sure you’ll get some real interesting stories out of it!