Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. I gots me the munchies. Bad.
No, I’m not stoned on reefer, I’ve just been seized by an overmastering craving for Fat-Fried Salty Munchables[sup]TM[/sup], and all we’ve got are…fruit. And vegetables. And whole wheat fucking bread. And low-fat cottage cheese.
Fuck that. I want a bag of Doritos, goddamnit. Cool ranch, regular, I don’t give a shit. I want a big-ass tub of onion dip and enough Ruffles to choke a goat. I got tofu, tofu in my fridge. Gah! Jeezus, the worst thing for me I could find was a fucking dill pickle.
I need crap, and I need it now. Only it’s late, and I’m too tired and fucking lazy to run off to a 7-11. Plus, it’s humiliating to buy bags of junk food at midnight at a 7-11. It’s like being high and in college all over again.
<sigh>
I know, I know, I should feel lucky to have any food at all and that this is all I have to bitch about. You’re right. Yep. Mmm-boy. What a good pickle.
Put a heavy skillet on the stove. Pour about half an inch of oil into it and put it over a fire. Cut up a potato or two into small cubes. When the oil is hot, dump in the tater cubes. Stir them around every few minutes or so until they’re brown and crunchy.
Take them out of the oil and put them on a folded newspaper to drain. Salt them well and eat them while still hot and crisp.
Man, I dunno. Onion rings look a bit involved. Seems like you have to deep-fat-fry the holy frack out of them, and it’s late.
Crap. All I need is one lousy potato. Oh well, I’ll try to do some sort of half-assed breaded onion something-or-other and see how it goes. Enough salt and who knows? I got me some milk too, and onions dipped in milk is just whacked out enough that I simply can’t resist trying it.
