I bring wine and/or flowers. It sets a nice mood of mutual friendliness at the start of the meal.
It should be noted that George was meant to be seen as a schmuck on Seinfeld.
Huh. Maybe it’s a UK thing (or just my circle of friends), but I find it a bit strange that so many of you would take a dessert around if you’d been told not to bring anything. I’ve never encountered that here. As the hostess I’d have a fleeting moment of ‘huh?’ if a guest did this, since we’d already have a dessert planned for the meal.
I’d take a bottle of wine, chocolates. Or maybe a small house plant or flowers.
That guy could also be someone who gets offended because an invited house guest didn’t bring them a present.
I’d rather That guy not invite me in the first place if that’s the way he or she really feels about it.
The only place I’ve seen the expectation that you would bring something is on this board. It’s still something that seems strange to me. And it now seems even stranger, since you guys are mentioning flowers, which I associate exclusively with romantic gestures.
I’m not saying I’ve never known anyone to bring something over, just that I’ve never experienced it as an expectation. I know some old ladies like to bring a sample of their cooking, but every last one of them has been someone who likes to cook and has a lot of time on their hands. Outside of that, I’ve never seen anyone bring a gift to a simple dinner.
I have experienced people asking if they need to bring anything. But it seems like a polite question that no one wants to follow. They ask, they are told no, and then they don’t bring anything. (If they ask, “can I bring anything?” the answer is usually “If you really want to,” unless it’s someone whose cooking we know is good.)
And while I never saw anyone bring anything, I have heard stories–from exasperated people who saw it as an implication that their food wasn’t good enough for them. I’ve also seen people bring wine on TV–but I thought that was an upper class thing.
For me, it would feel weird to show up at a dinner party without something, some flowers or a bottle of wine. I wouldn’t bring dessert without being asked to because I assume they have a planned menu and the wine I would bring wouldn’t really be for that evening, but for the host to drink at a future event.
ETA: maybe it helps if people mention their location, it could be a norm in some places, but not others. I’m in Washington, DC.
+1
Its a social custom, meant for friends, seemingly designed as a method to renew bonding. Honestly, some people must think their name was picked out of a phonebook.
“Woo-Hoo! Free Eats! Thats almost as good as hitting the Pick-3. No breakfast or lunch for me, I’m coming Hungry…!”
You say that like it’s a bad thing. If you’re coming to my house for dinner, that’s the exact attitude I want you to have.
Please come hungry, because I normally make enough food to feed an army.
Oh, and save the formality and ritual for acquaintances. We’re friends, we don’t need that, I’m just happy to have your company.
Next you’ll tell us you never hug your (guy) friends…
It’s got sexist origins (as in, the wine was for the Host, the flowers for the Hostess) but we’re way beyond that, now. And we’re not talking about a dozen long-stems here - I’ll usually bring an orchid or irises (so pretty!)
What?!
Shit. And all this time I felt obligated to eat the flowers. Must’ve been the wine.
Free? I’m confused–are you saying I have to pay my way into my friend’s home with some tangible gift/contribution or vice versa? If someone invites me over for dinner, I assume it’s for my lovely, charming self, not because they think a doctor’s wife will come through with some nice presents. When I invite people over, it’s purely for the pleasure of their company (and maybe so we have an excuse to try out a new recipe or use up a really nice cut of meat.)
I’ll always automatically ask what I can bring, simply because I know throwing a dinner can be a lot of work and hassle and I want to reduce that burden. But if the answer is “nothing” or “just yourselves” then I’m certainly not going to show up with wine that needs to be chilled or flowers that need a vase dug out from under the sink right when someone is busy cooking. I’ll call before we leave the house to see if they need anything last-minute from the store, and when we get there I’ll offer to take over any chores that crop up. We’ve never yet been cut out of a group for being “that couple” so I guess most of our friends are perfectly fine with the hostess gift being two extra sets of hands.
With the exception of family, I always bring something when I go over to someone’s house. Whether it be a traditional hostess gift, food for immediate consumption, or a gift for the cat or dog. I guess I do so because it’s unlikely I’ll offend someone by contributing more than just myself to the celebration, but it’s possible to offend by showing up empty-handed.
I don’t host parties. I don’t have the space or the desire to. So if someone is expecting me to show gratitude by inviting them over to my house, they’re going to be disappointed. Bringing a gift is my way of showing gratitude.
People who ask me over know that any food I bring will likely be store-bought. So if I ask “What can I bring?”, they know it’s going to be whatever I can pick up at the grocery store on the way there. Which is fine for some shindings, and not okay for others.
I’m confused… they’re Your friends, by all means You go do what You like. If you’ll go back and re-read the sentence before the one you quoted, it should clear exactly what I meant up.
Me? I don’t show up empty-handed. My friends don’t seem to mind either. 
I don’t drink, so have no clue at all about buying wine. Many of the hostesses I grew up with put a lot of thought into their tables and would have been thrown off by the obligation to display flowers provided by a guest.
Soooo, I always try to bring a small basket with items for a nice breakfast. Something to make the next morning easy for the hosts. A favorite is popovers with a nice gruyere and a small tin of good tea or coffee. I bake muffins or some such if at all possible. If I truly can’t make the time, then I’ll stop by the bagel shop and get fresh bagels and fixin’s.
I also try to have a thank you note in my purse so I can fill it out and drop it in the mailbox on my way out. So lovely to find the first thing next morning.
Your Mom is still pretty cute!
Anyhoo, much like everyone else, a bottle of wine or two, although there are usually complaints if I don’t turn up with a batch of freshly made Hummus
Like the wine, flowers aren’t intended to be used at dinner. They are simply a pretty bouquet they can enjoy in their home as they like. That breakfast basket sounds pretty awesome though!
I like my friends. If they invite me over I enjoy making them happy by being good company and bringing a token of appreciation that they went out their way to host. I don’t see bringing a token of appreciation a burden or some ridiculous social expectation. I like doing nice things for my friends.
Once, I was invited by my brother and his wife to come to their place for a ‘small very casual party’. (Not dinner) Well I didn’t get off work till 6 and was usually held late and getting to his place was a major hassle. I live in NYC and he house was in the Hudson Valley so that’s a trip on the Metro North and the train schedule was not in my favor but I made the train (barely) and got to the “party”. It was very laid back, my first, and only, time in their home. In the kitchen my brother and his wife can be heard by all gathered with her complaining that I didn’t bring wine or anything and he was going on about how I was a country bumpkin (I had moved to NYC from Oklahoma about a year previous) but basically argued so loudly about how much and/or why I was the rudest idiot that everyone in the place heard it and they all thought my brother and his wife were jerks about the whole thing.
So basically I won’t accept your dinner invitation. I’ll invite you and treat you nice. I’m not going over to anybody’s else’s place.
They aren’t obliged to put the flowers on the table at all; in fact, the host/hostess can put the flowers in water and leave them in the kitchen until the guests leave, if they want. It’s always nice to say, “How lovely! I will put them in a vase after dinner and put them in [whatever room]!”
Honestly, people make stuff too hard. We all have to get on the same playbook. 
I love the idea of a breakfast basket, it sounds really cute.
EXACTLY!!!
Heh. A few of my friends would be nervous. "Looks like kayaker plans to spend the night!
Cool! So when’s my invite?
Anytime you are in western Pennsylvania. Love having company! Plenty to do; horseback riding, hiking, beer drinking, etc.