Jackass judge sues dry cleaner for $65 million over lost pants

I dropped my pants while speaking in court (suspenders let go). Fortunately, we wear robes, so it wasn’t noticed.

Except, presumably, when you had to shuffle around with your pants around your ankles (“Why is he walking so funny?”)

I’m glad I never have to worry about that, because my ass makes any pair of pants I wear look fantastic.

I shudder to think what he’d do to an airline that lost his luggage. That’d be worth billions, I reckon.

Just finished my argument with the robe closed in front of me, bowed as the judge left, then sat down, and waited until everyone else left. If I had had to have taken a step, I would have been found out.

I’m guessing that they must be extremely expensive special pants custom fitted with a very large reinforced compartment to contain his massive cojones.

That’s it!

I’m going to sue our local grocery store, their clerks, and the suppliers because they don’t carry the kind of drinkable yogurt I like and I have to drive all the way to another store in another town to get it. Lets see…damages, time, gas, insurance, maintenance, pain, suffering, inconvienience, litigation fees…say, $50 million?

Sounds about right.

Or else they turned him into Cary Grant, maybe?

I’m glad you started this thread, ns. I read that column. That Judge has got to be mentally ill.

$65 million is ridiculous. The judge is probably a jerk of the first order. DC is a weird place.

And yet…

I’ve been stonewalled by little family-owned immigrant businesspeople before. In situations where they were clearly, totally in the wrong. Pretending to misunderstand me, hiding behind a facade of poor English, shaking their heads no, gesturing enigmatically.

The worst case was at a gas station. A big sign invited the public to drive up to the pump and buy gasoline; I was stopped at the pump, filling my tank, when a mechanic in the service bay nearby revved the engine of a car he’d just finished working on and peeled out of the service bay right into the side of my car, smashing it against the gas pump and flattening the front tire on that side.

I was not caught between the car and the pump. While I was still counting my fingers and toes, the owner of the station came running out from behind the register waving his arms and shouting “I will NO PAY! NO PAY!”

I was flabbergasted. My tire had left a streak on the ground showing how it had been moved; my parking brake was set, engine off, and I was outside the vehicle. Ten thousand customers had parked in that exact spot over the years. But “Your fault!” he shouted, pointing at me.

The police came and wrote a report. They made sure the guy gave me his insurance info.

It was a few days before Christmas.

The insurance company jacked me around and wouldn’t return my calls until “We are closed for the holidays” came from their recorded message. They stayed closed the week between Christmas and New Years. I spent the entire time – which I too had off from work – without a car or a rental. Wasting huge chunks of vacation unable to travel or see family at the holidays.

When the insurance company began taking phone calls again, it turned out they were the wrong kind of insurance company – they insured his physical property against theft or flood or something. We went back to the station and asked again for the company that insured his business against accidental loss. Again he and his employees (possibly family) gave me the runaround.

I finally had to get some relatives to accompany me for another visit and attempt to look physically intimidating. He coughed up the real insurance number pretty quickly – he knew where it was and what it was all along, no doubt.

Eventually I got my car fixed…of course the accident was his /his mechanic’s fault. But I never saw any recompense for the lost travel capability over the holidays and vacation time, nothing for my troubles, nothing for my frustration. He paid the same amount as if he’d just paid up honestly from the start, but he got to keep two week’s worth of interest and of course had a decent chance of cheating me out of some or all of it. So it was well worth it for him to play dumb and then stubborn because there were no negative consequences for him if he tried – I was a dirt-poor kid without a lawyer or real-world experience.

If I could have – if I’d been experienced and capable and wealthy – if I’d been a judge, for example – I would have sued the pants off him. I would have shaken the temple down around us both, like Sampson!

Because of that, and because I don’t know the details of the pantless judge’s actual case, I’m reluctant to assume it’s entirely his fault. Some people – even small businesspeple and immigrants – are conniving, bullying assholes when it comes to their money. Every once in while I’d like to see such people get sued for $65 million, sure.

Of course the devil is in the details. I have no idea how culpable the business was in the actual case under dicussion. I just think it’s not a given that they’re completely innocent victims.


Well, they offered him $12,000 to settle. However culpable they may be, this sounds more than fair.

On the surface, it does. Whether I would accept kind of depends on what point in the 1,200 days they made that offer.


Except the $12,000 offer was the third offer from the store owner. And all the offers were higher than what the judge initially asked for.

The judge seems to be a prick of the highest order.

I should hope a $65 million pair of pants would protect one from such assaults.

Judge Pearson released a statement on the case: “It’s the silliest darn thing. I was looking for my yearbook in the hall closet and there they were - my missing pants. It seems I stuck them in there and completely forgot to drop them off at the dry cleaners. So they’ve been in my house all along. Boy is my face red. Sorry for any inconvenience I might have caused. But I have to say I’m a little piffed at Mr Chung. I called him up straight away and explained the mix-up, figuring we’d both get a chuckle out of it, and he seemed pretty steamed at me - almost angry in fact. Sure, I made a boo-boo, but people have to learn to let things go.”

You make the bench this high, the judges won’t need any pants.

You make the bench THIS high, you won’t need any gudges!

LOL, you just reminded me of a Saturday Night Live Weekend Update bit where it was reported that there had been developments to run cars on macadamia nut oil.

The anchorperson retorted, “Are they crazy?? Those are, like, $12 a can. Yea, I’ve got a good idea for a car too. It runs on Faberge eggs and bald eagle heads.”

For $65m he could hire a full time tailor to make him a new hand tailored pair of trousers every day and still die a multimillionaire.

If this is the case he just admitted he filed a bullshit lawsuit. I hope hes palnning on coughing up a shitload of money in legal fees for the defendant. Or better yet, 65 million for mr chungs emotional distress.

The compartment was just for show–there’s not actually anything in it. He just wore the pants so he’d look like he had massive cojones.

That’s probably why he’s do upset over losing them :stuck_out_tongue: