James Lileks needs our help!

In today’s Bleat he brings up material he needs for his column:

“Cast superhero/comic book movies using old-school movie heroes, a la Bogart, John Wayne, etc. You can do it!”

fence at startribune dot com

You guys know more about superheroes and comic books than, well, anybody I know.

Does he mean A-list actors, like today, instead of the B-list gang who used to do the Saturday afternoon serials all padded up in cotton batting and masks whose eye holes naver quite lined up?

Sorry, Lileks, I generally worship the ground you write on, but this is plain disingenuous. I mean, pork and beans don’t taste any better on Wedgwood china.

I do, however, think Walter Pidgeon might have made a credible Batman.

Gregory Peck, in his To Kill a Mockingbird prime, would have made a good Clark Kent/Superman.

Alan Ladd could’ve been a great Golden Age Green Lantern (Alan Scott), perhaps with Veronica Lake as the Golden Age Black Canary.

Nobody would’ve been better-suited to play Phantom Lady than the kinky pin-up queen of the 1950s, Bettie Page.

Jimmy Cagney as the Golen Age Atom.

Ernest Borgnine as Wildcat.

Errol Flynn as Green Arrow.

Tor Jonson (Plan 9) as the Incredible Hulk.

Jerry Lewis as Plastic Man.


Vincent Price as either Doctor Strange or Doctor Fate.

Johnny Weismuller as Aquaman.

Fred MacMurray as Captain Marvel (since the character’s appearance was partially based on the actor).

A very young Elvis Presley as Captain Marvel Junior (since the King showed Mac Raboy’s superhero comics to his barber as the inspiration for his trademark pompadour).

Humphrey Bogart as Slam Bradley, perhaps with Lauren Bacall as Catwoman.

The Golden Age J.S.A. as done by Hollywood:
Phantom Lady-Jane Russell
Atom-Mickey Rooney
Flash-Jimmie Stewart
Green Lantern-Alan Ladd
Hawkman-William Holden
Wonder Woman-Lana Turner
Johnny Thunder-Art Carney
Dr. Midnite-Henry Fonda
Superman-Johnnie Weismuller
Batman-Cary Grant
Wildcat-William Bendix

I think Valentino would have made a great Batman, especially in his souped-up Pierce Arrow Batmobile, with Lon Chaney as the Riddler. It would have been cool seeing Chaney’s lips moving for five minutes, then the marquee card that said “RIDDLE ME THIS…!”.

If only Humphry Bogart had been around to play John Constantine.

I’ll be in my bunk.

They could have dug up Bogart’s rotting corpse and it would still do better than Keanu.

:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

I think Erich von Stroheim would have made a great Lex Luthor.

Fantastic Four:
Henry Fonda as Reed Richards
Carole Lombard as The Invisible Woman
Jimmy Cagney as the Human Torch
Broderick Crawford as the Thing

Maybe one day they will cast a blond actor with a British accent to play Constantine. :slight_smile:

Sorry. “I’ll be in my bunk” is from Firefly, spoken by someone who was so turned on by what just happened that he’s going to need to leave, right now, and masturbate like a monkey on a caffeine buzz.

Kind of like my reaction to the image of Weismuller as Aquaman. Mmmmmm.

Who would you cast as Mary? Just to round out the 3 major members of the Family.

Jimmy Stewart as Peter Parker/Spiderman, Katharine Hepburn as Mary Jane Watson and Cary Grant as Harry Osborn would have been interesting, if only for the upside-down kiss scene. I’d throw in either William Frawley or William Demarest as Jonah Jameson.

Superman as a Tracy/Hepburn pic might have been interesting as well. “Oh Clahk, you old pooh— you’re nevah around when Superman is heha!”

Joan Crawford as Wonder Woman could kick some serious ass, especially in a Howard Hughes vintage Hell’s Angels invisible plane and Bette Davis as archenemy Cheetah.

Why, Mary Pickford, of course!

Captain America? Why, Buster Crabbe! Of Flash Gordon fame.

No, Roy Rogers as Flash. Play off the humorous contrast between Roy’s slow western drawl, & the Flash’s super speed.

Jimmy Stewart as Starman.

And I still say Cagney for the Golden Age Atom. Short & feisty; a tough guy in a pint-size bottle. Just what the doctor ordered.

Brando as Superman. The young Brando.