“Jesus saves - but Keegan scores on the rebound!”
When I see this thread theme, I can’t help but think of college radio’s King Missile from back in the day.
King Missile- Jesus was way cool.
Jesus could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky…
Eh, Jesus is just alright. With me.
clearly a charge in that first print in the OP, the devil’s feet were set
Jesus saves, but George Nelson withdraws.
Christ on a cracker, that is inaccurate. It’s only taboo inasmuch as saying “Jesus Christ” as an epithet is considered taboo. But that’s less a slur and more just something they look down on the “heathens” for doing: “taking the Lord God’s name in vain.”
I myself never really used “Jesus Christ” as there are just so many alternatives. But “Christ on a cracker” is cute enough that I’ll probably pull it our every once in a while, like those silly southern epithets.
Agreed. It’s a BS objection by overwrought BSers overfull of their own BS. As I said in my next paragraph.
It never even occurred to me, before this thread, that “Christ on a cracker!” was a reference to the Eucharist. I thought it was either a reference to folks seeing images of Jesus on toast or whatever, or just meaningless nonsense, possibly corrupted from some other more meaningful expression.
There are a lot of things in this world that offend me more than that.
One of my favorite t-shirts:
Jesus and St Peter decide to hit the links for a quick round of golf on a Sunday afternoon.
Peter wins the draw and tees off first. The ball sails down the fairway and comes to rest neatly on the green.
Jesus tees off and smacks the ball smartly. It sails through the air and makes a sharp right-angle turn halfway to the green. It flies directly into a knothole on a hollow tree at the edge of the course and rattles down the length of its trunk. It comes out at the bottom of the tree in the mouth of a squirrel who makes a dash toward the other side of the course. An eagle then swoops out of the sky and grasps the squirrel in his talons. He lifts the squirrel off the ground and carries it over the green, where it lets the ball go to bounce three times on the grass and land precisely in the center of the cup for a hole-in-one.
Peter turns to glare at Jesus, who is standing behind him with a silly grin on his face.
“Look,” says Peter. “You gonna play golf, or do you just wanna fuck around all day?” 
I wanna see two Jesuses (Jesi?) go at it in The Octagon.
Buff, swift, barbarous.
Both have 8-inch crucifixes (crucifices?) for stabbing.
Bloody mayhem.
All those annoying plurals
If you’re interested, you can buy a toaster that always forms an image of Jesus.
Now that’s funny!
I though it would be about this one.
Long ago in Reno the California Club casino offered in its coffee shop the California Burger. It was a half-pound, oval in shape, and on a toasted bun. The toaster had an extra element that would brand into the crown a Kilroy was here image with California Club above and below it.
Alas, the casino closed decades ago and the branded buns went with it. I have hoped from time to time those special toasters were salvaged and are sitting in a garage somewhere to be brought back, perhaps in a retro eatery.
These toasters are available online. And you can send in a picture to get one that makes a custom image.
Second son once went through a phase of mooning people. He did not make sure not to be photographed. When he was older and more of a family man, I got him a toaster.
He did not keep it. Somewhere, there was a thrift shop with a mooning toaster for sale.
I have always admired the cut of your jib.
You’ve just jumped several layers up into the pantheon of Greatest Parents Evar.
A born-again Christian co-worker loved this one when I told it to him:
Jesus and Satan decide to have a computer programming showdown (note that that was our job). They’ve got an hour to develop a full multi-media experience web-site for something.
They’re coding away, when at 45 minutes the power glitches and both computers reboot. Both entities get back at it.
Times up, Satan demos first. He’s got a bare-bones display, and complains that he had a beautiful system before the outage.
Jesus fires up his web-site - it’s a thing of beauty, smooth transitions, easy navigation, the works.
Satan is gob-smacked, and appeals to God, who is judging: He must have cheated, no one could do all that in 15 minutes.
God denies the appeal, stating “Jesus saves”.