I’ll put it this way: if I’d heard the comment from somebody I’d known awhile longer, I might have passed it off as him trying to get my goat. Here, this was a guy I’d just met, but the impression I’d gotten from him all evening was that for his age, he had severe maturity problems. Of course I can’t be 100% certain of what was racing through his mind, but in context, it seemed like a pretty lust-filled statement.
Yes, my sister is “legal,” (she’s 20…admittedly, “kid” sister is more of a perception thing) but she’s also pretty sheltered the last thing I’d want to see is for her to be manipulated by someone like this guy.
Chances are, at 20 she’s not a virgin. She’s not a baby anymore, don’t treat her like one. Do you still threaten to beat up her dates if he “dares lay a finger on her”?
Her dates probably aren’t creepy old men who still live in their momma’s basement.
I can see a huge difference between being overprotective and being offended that a dirty old man is talking like that about your kid sister.
I’ll agree with spooje and others who don’t see this as too horrible. I have a bunch of friends, all of whom, in each others company, can get pretty off-color and non-pc in our humor. One friend and I (with whom I spend a lot of time) are always joking. When we are walking down the street and might brush against each other accidentally, one of us will usually jump back and say, “Eonwe, don’t do that, people will think we’re gay.” If we’re feeling particularly silly we’ll grab the other person’s hand while saying that. It’s nothing against gays, it’s more about making fun of stereotypes and of societally-imposed gener roles (two guys spending lots of time together and being seen in public all the time and who are best friends must be gay).
However, I usually reserve that kind of humor for people I know a little better, and who I know would take it in the spirit in which it was meant. Probably not something I’d say the first time I met someone.
Ehhh, it’s uncooth, to be sure, but your sister is a big girl now, she’s going to be seen in a sexual light by men. Get used to it. What if you find out your sister is gasp sexually active? Most people are at 20. My take: if you were sexually active at 20, you have no place to say squat, none. Unless she askes you for advice or help with an overbearing guy or something, of course.
To me, this is about simple respect. Maybe this guy is from a planet where shit like this is not considered offensive, but where I come from talking about someone’s family members like that is disrespectful of both the person you’re speaking to and said family members themselves. I don’t expect to go through life without ever being offended, and I understand that people say stupid inappropriate things without thinking about them. However, I have no sympathy for someone who makes a comment like that and walks away with a mouthfull of teeth, because he should have known better.
And I agree that the thing that Beelzebubba’s boss said was much worse than what the maturity-challenged middle-aged pervert said about ResIpsaLoquitor’s sister. Still, both were inappropriate and I wouldn’t tolerate either.
Weirddave and Homebrew, you’re missing the point. There’s a big difference between my sister engaging in consensual sex and my sister being sized up like a piece of meat. If they’re freely sumbitting to the act for each other’s mutual satisfaction, that’s a different story. (I don’t approve of premarital sex, but I understand that it’s been a largely normal activity for a long time now so I’m not inclined to “tsk tsk” people for doing it.)
The problem I have is somebody viewing my sister as an object for his own satisfaction. (In other words, this has nothing to do with anything my sister did or may have done.) If he wanted to ask her on a date, that’s an innocent activity and there’s no problem. If he thinks my sister is a pile of flesh which he’d like to fuck for purely his own pleasure, he’s got a problem.
Would it have been ok if he’d explicitly said “I’d like to take your sister out, pretend to like her, use her entirely for sex, and then dump her as soon as something better comes along?” I have a problem with people being used as sex objects. I have a particular problem with my family members being used as sex objects.
I completely agree with you that what he said was juvenile and wrong but is some of your frustration coming from the fact that you didn’t adress his egregious error right when he said it? Are you partially upset with yourself for not laying down the law at the time the offence was committed?
If you’re equally opposed/offended at people sizing up any woman like she was a piece of meat, I reckon you’re entitled to be pissed when someone does it to your sister. You may find affirmation in the theoretical writings of feminist Andrea Dworkin.
If, on the other hand, you yourself ogle females in the fashion described and simply don’t want someone to perceive your sister in that fashion, you’re fulla shit.
ResIpsaLoquitor, I’m reminded of an incident from back when I was in high school. I was a member of Key Club during my junior and senior years and became friends with the other members, two of whom were Steve and Kelly. Steve is my age and Kelly a year or so younger and one night we were leaving school one night after a meeting when some jerk must have done something similar to the basement-dweller in your OP. I was out of earshot so I don’t know exactly what happened but I do know that Steve chased the guy about two blocks while yelling at him to stay away from Kelly.
If he had said, “Hey, perhaps your sister would like to join us-she looks like nice kid,” that would be different. Or, “Wow, your sister is really pretty!”
But he’s making lecherous comments about someone’s younger sister, treating her like an object, or a piece of meat.
I STILL don’t get it… “We need more females in this water with us so that we do not appear to be homosexual to outside obervers” “Well, your sister appears to be a legal adult female, how about we include her so that people won’t think we are gay”… where in there is he making any reference to seducing anybody? What was rude about it? It was a follow through on some silly kidding around , and even at that it was all about appearances to the outside world, not anything he was gonna do to anyone.
I think you guys who would have freaked really need to chill out.
Since you’re obviously looking for offense when none seems meant, at least from the story as you’ve presented it, then should I take a page from you playbook? In other words, should I be offended by your apparent homophobia, as ** Narrad** subtly pointed out earlier? You and your friends were worried that someone might think you’re gay beause there weren’t enough women with you! gasp Oh the horror!
If the guy was truly lecherous, would he have said that to your face? I doubt it. He was trying to fit in with a joke that could be taken as tasteless, but no more so, than the one you have already laid claim to.
I don’t really see much to be too upset about here. I mean, if he’d said something like “I’d like to bang your sister,” then I could see the problem. Otherwise, he was just making an observation, nothing more. Given the subject matter at hand, the comment could’ve been completely innocuous. I know it’s your li’l sis, though, and that can make all the difference.
Just keep in mind that she is 20, and can probably take care of that lecherous jerk all by herself. Hell, she’s probably already had to do it before.
Put me in the “this shows a lack of respect, and wouldn’t have thrilled me to hear it about my own sister” camp. Maybe it’s an over-polite Canadian society thing, but talking trashy about someone’s family members is almost completely taboo here, never mind a stranger you just met doing it. And I do think what he said was trashy; I can’t exactly explain why, but from ResIpsa’s response to it, I’m sure it sounded trashier in person than it sounds in type.
I think it is totaly context dependant. If it were a tasteless joke, I’d be ok with it (I’d even let him walk away with all his teeth!). If I thought he was being vulgar about my sister (which I don’t have) and I didn’t particularly like the guy… it isn’t pit material but I can understad where you’re coming from (don’t forget to report the pervert dirty old pedophile to the cops by the way). Hard to judge from the OP.
