For example:
Mangetout: Do you want to hear the alternative ‘knock knock’ joke?
Other guy: OK
M: You start…
OG: Knock Knock
M: Who’s there?
OG: ummmmm…
Or this one, with which I caught out my stage comedy partner once (during a live performance):
Mangetout: <with full music-hall swagger and inflection> I say, I say, I say! My dog’s got no smell!
Other Guy: How does it… errr… nose… huh?
Is there a name for this kind of fake/trick joke? Does anyone have any more examples?
My favorites have always been the “Spell Something And Ask A Question” jokes.
Me: Spell “hop.”
Mark: H-O-P
Me: Spell “mop.”
Mark: M-O-P
Me: Spell “top.”
Mark: T-O-P
Me: What do you do at a green light?
Mark: (Accustomed to the “op” sound) Stop.
Me: No, you go at a green light!
I once tripped up my cousin with several of these right after he claimed to be vastly smarter than me.
Spell “roast.”
Spell “coast.”
Spell “most.”
What do you put in a toaster?
(The answer, of course, is “bread.”)
What does M-A-C-D-O-N-A-L-D spell? (MacDonald)
What does M-A-C-G-R-E-G-O-R spell? (MacGregor)
What does M-A-C-H-I-N-E-R-Y spell? (machinery, not MacHinery)
Hey, Joe–theres a henway on your leg!
What’s a henway?
About 5 pounds.
Do Pete & Repete count?
Then there’s:
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrup–
MOOOOOO!!!
And also the “brainteasers” along the lines of “Where do they bury the survivors?”, “Can a man marry his widow’s sister?”, “What’s the name of the bus driver?”, etc.
Along the “machinery” lines …
What does T-W-A spell? (The mark sounds it out.)
T-W-E?
T-W-I?
T-W-O? And here you get to yell “Two, you idiot!” when they say “twoah”.
Other spelling tricks:
f-o-l-k
j-o-k-e
p-o-k-e
What’s the white of an egg called?
Pronounce these words:
r-o-u-g-h
t-o-u-g-h
d-o-u-g-h
And the chant:
Ohwah
tahfag
ooseye
yam
Repeat and increase speed.
Man, I must have been an annoying kid.
Come to think of it, I’m probably an annoying adult!
Another one:
“Spell SILK!” - “Now, what does a cow drink?”
Of course, when a kid starts in on these with me (it’s always a kid), I know what’s coming, so I play along and then deliver my own socko twist.
To wit,
“What do you do at a green light?”
“Honk.”
Or,
“What do you put in the toaster?”
“Bagel.”
(Obviously, you only want to piss in their cornflakes if they’re particularly insufferable and deserve a jerk on the leash. Good kids, I play along; no sense crushing their spirit until they’re older.)
Me: A moron says what?
Other guy: What?
Me: Haw! Haw! You’re a moron!
My coworker always tells one particular joke on any new employee (it’s so much a tradition that if he doesn’t think of it, our boss reminds him):
“I was eating at McDonald’s the other day, and had to go to the men’s room. When I got back, some old guy had taken the seat across from mine and had started eating my lunch. Well, I didn’t want to make a scene, and the guy looked like he could use a good meal, so I didn’t say anything. Finally, he finished. And after he left the restaurant, I noticed he left a paper bag behind.”
Okay. I’ll bite. What happened when he burned the bag?
I don’t get it. At first I thought it was an Americanization of Douglas Adam’s biscuit story, but it appears not.
The bag was full of shit, just like the story.
I tried this one on my seven-year-old son the other day and while I was laughing, he said “No Dad, that’s not right, because a calf does drink milk; that’s actually what milk is for - for cows to drink”.
Smart arse.
Also try:
The interrupting starfish (you clasp your open hand over the other person’s mouth while they are trying to respond)
The interrupting slug (you give the other person a ‘wet willy’ - suck your finger and stick it in their ear)
The interrupting tortoise (After the other person has asked “Who’s there?” you just sit in silence, chewing, for a long time).
Not sure if this qualifies but here goes anyway:
You (in a serious tone, not like you are telling a joke): Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed last night? I can’t remember her name now, think it was Reese something.
Mark: Witherspoon?
You: No, with a knife you idiot, who stabs people with a spoon?
Read the following list aloud, but before each word, say the word “trains.” Then do it again, but after each word say the word “trains.” Then do it again, but say the word “trains.” before and after the word. Then read the list from the bottom up.
Trains
About
Talk
Fool
This
Made
I
How
Look
My kids hate when I do the banana one.
I once ruined a joke for somebody -
Other person: Did you know Yugo is coming out with a station wagon?
Me: Oh? and what’ll they call it, a “wego”?
OP (slightly upset): Have you heard this before?
Me: Huh? Oh, was that a joke? Sorry…
Alan Rickman.
Me: What’s the difference between an elephant and a matterbaby?
Them: What’s a matterbaby?
Me: Nothing, darling, what’samatter with you?
Yes, I’m going to hell, express.
Okay, what’s a “fagoose”?