The first one works better when heard than when read. The first nun says “Where’s the soap?”, but the second interprets it as “Wears the soap”, i.e. this activity wears down the soap, doesn’t it?
Since Nightsky’s setup line got edited, how about this one?
What’s black and white and red all over?
Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.
I’ve always found this funnier with the varient with the 7 dwarfs asking the pope about midget nuns in Antarctica that ends with them chanting “Dopey fcked a penguin! Dopey fcked a penguin!”
I’m feeling the need to go to confession, and I’m not even catholic.
Sheesh. 
Old seventh grade joke: 100 nuns are all assembled in the dining hall at breakfast and the mother superior comes in. “Last night,” she announces, " I heard a man’s voice."
99 of the nuns gasp “Oh no” and one nun laughs “Eee Hee Hee.”
“I looked around the convent this morning,” the mother superior says, “and I found a footprint from a man’s boot!”
99 of the nuns gasp “Oh no” and one nun laughs “Eee Hee Hee.”
“And in the bushes,” says the mother superior, " I found a rubber."
99 nuns gasp “Oh no” and one goes “Eee Hee Hee.”
“And the rubber had a hole in it,” says the mother superior.
99 nuns laugh “Eee Hee Hee” and one nun gasps “Oh no!”
Yes, but then you don’t get the naughty sexual part. 
Let me try again:
What’s black and white and red and black and white and red?
A nun turning cartwheels.
Here’s another seventh grade joke: A nun and a priest are playing golf. The priest hits the ball and misses the hole, so he yells “Dammit, I missed!”
The nun says, “God’s going to get you if you swear like that.”
The priest hits the ball again and misses. “Dammit, I missed,” he yells.
“God’s going to get you if you swear like that,” the nun warns.
The priest hits the ball again and misses the hole. And suddenly a bolt of lightning strikes the nun dead!
And a voice from the sky yells “Dammit, I missed!”
Q. Why do nuns always walk in pairs?
A. So one Nun makes sure, the Other Nun don’t get none.
What kind of meat do preists eat? Nun.
What’s the difference between a nun and a girl sitting in a bathtub? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
shagadoo, son…
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You fuck her.
Y’know, out of all the great jokes here, this is the one that made me laugh-out-loud.
Fantastic.
OK, dug up one more from the evil recesses of my mind.
It’s graduation time at the all-girls’ Catholic high school, and the Mother Superior calls the seniors into her office for individual career counseling.
“Now, dear, have you given any thought to what you want to do after high school?”
“Yes, Mother,” says one young lady, “I’m going to be a prostitute.”
Mother Superior’s face turns white, then red, then purple. She leaps out of her chair.
“You WHAT? You–! After all everyone’s done for you! Your family! Your church! Your school! How could you betray us like this? How? WHY are you doing this to us? Oh, the shame!”
“Really, Mother Superior, I don’t understand,” says the senior. “The money’s excellent, the work is easy, it’s just part-time for a few years… plenty of Biblical women did it, Mother; it’s the world’s oldest profession!”
The Mother Superior blinks a couple times and sits down sheepishly. “Oh, a PROSTITUTE. I thought you wanted to be a Protestant!”
Two nuns are sitting at a park bench, enjoying the sunny day. As they sit, a streaker runs past them. Right there, the first nun has a stroke.
The other couldn’t reach.
three guys happen to be on a deserted road when a terrible thunder storm breaks out. the only building around seems to be a convent; so they run up to it and start banging on the door.
Mother superior answers the door after about 2 minutes.
“yes?” she asks coldly
“ah, please, ma’am, let us in, it’s freezing out here!” the first guy yells. “yeah, we just want to stay the night; even the cellar will do, just give us some shelter” says the second.
“i’m terribly sorry,” says mother superior,“but the only way any man is allowed to stay the night in our convent, is when he’s penisless. If you want to consider us removing it for you, I will gladly grant you sanctuary.”
The three guys look at each other in disbelief, abnd then start howling with laughter.
“oh, man, you must be kidding. Come on, let us in, will ya?” says the third guy.
“terribly sorry, but hese are the rules,” says MS, and slams the door in their faces.
they decide to face the weather. After all, better die of pneumonia then have your dick cut off, right?
there’s thunder and lightning, pouring rain, and soon they’re wringin’.
“fuck this,” says guy#1, “i’m going in” after two hours of waiting.
So he knocks on the door, and MS lets him in.
After abt 5 minutes, the two guys waiting outside hear terrible screams, the likes they’ve never heard before in their entire lives.
“the poor bastard” murmurs guy#3
after another hour; the 2nd guy can’t stand it anymore, and decides to go in, too.
guy#3 hears a very short; sharp scream after abt 5 mins.
"hm, " he ponders, “maybe this whole thing ain’t so bad after all.”
so he decides to give it a shot, too.
He walks up to the door, and knocks. Mother superior is waiting for him, a cold smile on her lips.
“so,” she says, “i must tell you that we do remove penises here in this convent in a very special way”, as she walks him down the hall.
“really now?” guy#3 says.
“And how exactly might that be?”
“Well,” she says, turning to stop and look at him, “we remove the penis according to the profession the person is in.”
guy#3 looks a bit puzzled. “Don’t quite getcha, there, whatchamean?”
“hm,” says MS, "maybe if I give the example of your two friends, you’ll understand. See, your first friend is a carpenter, so we had to saw it off. Quite painfull, as you can imagine, "she says with some relish. “Your second friend is a woodcutter, so we could just hack it off with an axe. Not nearly as much fun. And what are you smiling about?” she snaps at him, seeing the big toothy grin that has crept over the guys face?
“ah, nothing, really,” chuckles the guy, " 'sjust that i’m an ice cream vendor."
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it.”
“When did you use this awful language?” asks the Mother Superior.
“Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”
“Is that when you swore?”
“No, Mother,” says the nun. “After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”
“Is THAT when you swore?” asks the Mother Superior again.
“Well, no.” says the nun. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”
“IS THAT when you swore?” asks the amazed Mother Superior.
“No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”
“Did you swear THEN?” asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole.”
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then the Mother Superior sighed and said, “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”
A nun walks into a liquor store. She orders a bottle of the store’s finest scotch.
“But sister, I didn’t know nuns drank” says the store clerk.
“Don’t worry, it’s for our mother superior’s constipation,” says the nun. So he sells her the booze.
A few minutes later another nun walks in and orders a bottle of bourbon. Again the store clerk says “Nuns are allowed to drink?” and again the nun informs him that it’s for the mother superior’s constipation. So he sells her the booze.
A few minutes after that yet another nun comes in and orders a bottle of their finest wine. Once again the clerk wonders if nuns are allowed to drink and once again he is reassured that it’s for the mother superior’s constipation, so the sells the booze.
Then closing time comes. He locks up and goes outside and there are the nuns, standing on the street corner swilling booze, loaded to the gills, and shouting obscenities.
“I thought you said the booze was for the mother superior’s constipation!” yells the clerk.
“It is!” yells one of the nuns. “When she sees us this way she’ll just sh-t!”
A drunk rushes into a bar in a panic. “Gimme a drink!” he yells.
The bartender gives him a drink and asks him why he’s so nervous.
“A penguin…it’s black and white, right?” asks the drunk. The bartender says yes.
“And,” continues the drunk, “a penguin is about 5 feet tall, right?”
“No” says the bartender, “a penguin is only about 2 feet tall.”
“Dammit!” yells the drunk. “I just ran over a nun.”
Two nuns sneak out of the convent one evening and go on a bender. Stumbling drunk the both of them.
At 2:00 am the bars close and they begin the long stagger back. They arrive an hour later and, giggling, slowly open the creaking front door to the convent. All is dark except a lone small light coming from Mother Superior’s room.
–Oh no! How will we get by her room to the stairs?
–I have an idea. Follow me.
The first nun drops to her belly and begins to crawl low across the floor on her elbows and knees. The second nun follows suit.
Halfway down the hall the second nun, still crawling on her elbows and knees, whispers:
–You know what? I feel like a Marine.
And the first nun replies:
–So do I, but where are we going to find one at 3 in the morning?