I must admit that as of late, I am a little short on some good jokes. I do however, believe that at least a few people in this mass of teeming millions are quite capable of some good humor and hopefully may be willing to share some. If anybody has some good jokes, I would be more then happy to listen. Thanks.
Johnny Fukerfaster?[list]:o
How do you get two flute players to play in tune?
Shoot one.
What’s better than winning the wheelchair Olympics?
Being able to walk.
(Hey, at least I didn’t delve into my repertoire of Dead Baby jokes…)
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb, four to drink 'til the room starts spinning.
How can you tell an extroverted computer programmer?
He stares at your shoes when he talks to you.
I alreade posted this one in this thread, but what the heck, IMHO, it deserves to be reposted.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
Hey! Stop hitting me. I think it’s a great joke.
So Moses and Jesus are playing golf, with a caddy in tow.
Moses takes a swing. “Four!”
The ball makes a slice for the water hazard. Splash! Right in the middle. Moses raises his arms, the water parts, and he walks to the middle of the pond to hit his ball.
Jesus takes a swing. “Four!”
His ball too makes the same slice and lands in the middle of the pond. He walks out on the water to retrieve his ball.
The caddy says to Moses, “who does this guy think he is? Jesus Christ?!?!”
“No,” replied Moses, “Tiger Woods.” 
(…laugh track…)
A nun approaches the Mother Superior.
nun: Mother, I have sinned by using foul language.
MS: My child, what were the circumstances?
nun: I was playing golf with one of the sisters and I was “in the zone”. I teed up on the 11th and smashed a drive that appeared to be headed 250 yards down the fairway when it hit an overhead wire and dropped about 30 yards in front of me.
MS: Is that when you used the foul language?
nun: No Mother, it wasn’t. As I was on my way to my ball, a squirrel ran onto the fairway, picked up the ball and scampered towards the rough with it.
MS: So, that is when the sin occurred?
nun: No Mother, as the squirrel approached the edge of the fairway, an eagle swooped down and picked up the squirrel and flew off with it.
MS: I see, so it was then you cursed?
nun: No Mother, the squirrel dropped the ball as the eagle was flying over the green and my ball rolled to within 10 inches of the cup.
There was a brief moment of silence as the two women looked at each other. Then the Mother Superior replied…
MS: You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?
Buck, I nearly soiled myself with laughter over that one. Keep up the good work.
Rated M:
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting her out of the wheel chair.
(Relax, it’s a joke.)
Studi
Two little brothers decided that they’d start cursing. They only knew two curse words, “damn” and “ass”, so they decided that one of them would try to use “damn” and the other “ass”.
They went down to breakfast the next morning and sat down at the table. Their mother asked the older brother what he wanted for breakfast.
“I’d like some damn Cheerios!” he exclaimed. Their mother was outraged at his language and slapped him so hard that he fell off his chair. He immediately started bawling.
She turned to the other brother, barely containing her anger, and asked “And what do you want?”
He meekly replied, “You can bet your ass I don’t want any damn Cheerios.”
My dad told me this joke today - apparently Scots are notoriously stingy with cash…
Hear about that accident in Aberdeen? Two Taxis collided.
37 were injured.
Sorry- my dad’s sense of humour 
Sorry if this offends anyone. It’s my sister’s (pushing the blame to her if I get in trouble:D).
Nuns - you’ve gotta love them…
There were some guys sitting behind a couple of nuns at a football game.
The men decided to badger the nuns, to get them to move. So the first one says to the others (loud enough for the women ahead to hear), “I think I want to move to Utah; there are only 100 Catholics living there…,”
The second guy speaks up and says, " I want to go to Montana; there are only 50 Catholics living there…"
The third guy speaks up and says, “I want to go to Idaho; there are only 25 Catholics living there…”
One of the nuns turns around, looks the third guy in the eye, and calmly says, “Why don’t you go to hell; there aren’t any Catholics living there.”
My dad told me these two jokes. For the first one, understand that we’re practically polish. We’re bohunks, which is close enough.
Three fathers are in the waiting room on the maternity ward. One is black, one is swedish, and one is polish. The doctor comes out and says “Fella, let me first reassure you by saying that all your wives are perfectly healthy. So are your children, but we have a small problem. Things got a little harried in there, and all three babies were born at almost the same time. In the hullabaloo, we didn’t get the babies accurately id’ed. Now, I think I have a pretty good idea whose is whose, but I’d like to be sure before I upset your wives unnecessarily with this problem. I thought I’d better let you go in, one at a time, look at the babies, and see if you can identify them.”
They draw straws and the swede goes in first. He is gone a long, long time. Finally he comes out, carrying a baby in his arms. The doctor takes a look and is startled. “Well now sir, I think I was pretty confident that this one was not yours. That infant is clearly black.”
“Doc, I know. But I didn’t want to take the chance of accidentally getting the Pollack.”
This guy decides to chuck city life and he moves out to a ranch in Wyoming. It’s lonely country, his nearest neighbor is miles away, and he goes days without seeing another living soul.
However, after he’s lived there a few weeks, a pickup pulls up and another rancher gets out. “Heard we had a new neighbor! Just thought I’d come say hello and welcome.”
They chat for a while, and before the rancher gets back in his truck he says “Howsabout you come down the ranch this Saturday Night. We’ll have us a great party, officially welcome you to the area. I dunno about your fancy city parties, but I am sure you’ll have hell of a time at this one. There’s gonna be eating and drinking and dancing and cussing and fighting and screwing.”
The guy says "Who-eee, that sounds like you really know how to have a good time. Thanks a bunch, I’d love to come. Say, what do folks around here wear to a party like that?
Rancher says “Don’t matter much; it’s just gonna be you and me”
What do you give a seasick elephant?
Plenty of room.
Look, it’s 1:30 in the morning and I’m really tired right now, sorry.
Since the nun jokes have already started…
Two nuns were sent to a convent where they were only allowed to leave the grounds one day per year on the condition that they stay together and be back inside before the clock struck seven. They decided to take a bicycle tour of the surrounding countryside to more fully enjoy their furlough. They acquired a tandem bicycle and headed out, taking in the beautiful meadows along the roadside, and stopped for apicnic lunch. They were on their way back to the convent when they heard the first strike of the bell. Without a word, both redoubled their efforts and they picked up speed. The bell continued to sound and it looked as if they would not make it back in time. The nun in the front said “Hang on, I think I know a shortcut.” They cut through town, proceeding down a long cobblestone street at breakneck speed, and right through the gates of the convent just as the seventh bell sounded. The nun in back said “Thank Him you knew about that shortcut. Have you ever come that way before?”
“No, I think it was the cobblestones.”
Two nuns were summoned by the Mother Superior, and told to paint a reception room prior to a very important visit. It had to be done quickly - by the end of the day in fact - and they had to ensure that their clothes remained clean and spotless.
They thought about this challenge, and decided that the best way to do it was to get their equipment into the room, lock the door from inside, and paint the room with their clothes off. So away they go, merrily painting away whilst in the nude, when there comes a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” they chorus. “It’s the blind man”, comes the reply. They think about this for only a few seconds. “Oh, the blind man!” says one to the other.
“Well, that’s OK then, he won’t be able to see us naked, will he?” and they open the door. In he walks and, looking at one of the nuns, he smiles and says to her: “Nice tits Sister. Where do you want me to put the blinds?”
One day Superman is really horny and sees Wonder Woman sunbathing on a beach naked! He gets an idea… "They’ve always said I’m faster than a speeding bullet and I’ve always wondered what she’d be like with all her powers. So he zooms down and does her in a flash and is gone before anyone can notice. All of a sudden WonderWoman sits up and says, “What the was that!?!”. Then the Invisible Man gets off her and replies, “I don’t know but it hurt like hell!”
Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing. She’s already been told twice.
Q: Why are womens’ feet smaller than mens’?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Q: Why don’t women wear watches?
A: There’s a clock on the stove.
(Those were jokes, people!)
How about this one?
I saw a guy wearing a camoflage hat yesterday. Man, where was HIS head?
Gross Joke:
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and blow him.
Redneck Joke:
What does it mean when drool is comming out of both sides of a redneck’s mouth?
The trailer is level.
Hitler Joke:
Why didn’t Hitler drink?
It made him mean.
Dumb Knock Knock Joke:
Knock Knock…
Who’s there?
Interupting cow…
Itnerup-(start yelling MOO MOO MOO!!)