Not really a joke but stupid saying-- Assume. “If you assume, you make an ass of “u” and “me”.” :rolleyes: No. You assume all the time throughout the day. I assume the cars driving towards me aren’t going to veer at me for no reason, I assume there will be Diet Coke in the can when I open it, I assume if I don’t shoot anyone in broad daylight, I won’t be in prison.
I like the “Hi, Opal” joke…
This one has always bothered me for a different reason. Why does it make an ass out of me? I didn’t assume anything, you did, keep me out of it!
You know, when you don’t like a movie and you say “well that’s two hours of my life I won’t get back!” it is really stupid.
If you like the movie do you get those hours back? No you don’t. Time does not rest back to the time when you walked into the theater.
You don’t get any hours of your life back, ever!
STOP SAYING THAT!
^ tl;dr.
Don’t listen to this apologist for the dihydrogen monoxide manufacturing and distribution industrial complex! It’s a statistical fact that the number of deaths caused annually by dihydrogen monoxide overdoses is …
… wait… I’m doing it, aren’t I? Sorry.
Every single joke thread inevitably includes interrupting cow and “What’s brown and sticky?”
Because they’re hilarious, right?
yeah. can they go away now?
I’d be so much happier if I never again had to hear “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition” or “Why did Constantinople get the works?”.
I’m going to go ahead and throw in the Simpsons’ “Sneed’s Feed and Seed (formerly Chuck’s)” joke, too. It was a good joke. But we don’t need to keep reliving it a decade or two later.
You know who else doesn’t like the Sneed’s joke, don’t you?
The Republican Party.
This. Fortunately I don’t need to come up with a good insult for the OP since he’s picked an apt one for his nick.
I bet he and his ilk tear knock knock jokes out of the mouths of children and laugh when the children cry.
The point is that with a good movie you don’t want the 2 hours back as you don’t consider them to be wasted. It’s annoying because it’s overused not because it doesn’t make sense.
You’re just going through a 1940’s-style “Death phase”.
The OP should take a refresher course in shibboleths. Although the frequency of OPs on this very subject leads me to opine that the act of complaining about them is in itself a shibboleth.
Put on your waders, kids. Shit just got meta.
Jokes about shit getting meta.
It might be racially insensitive, but it’s true. Many East Asian cultures accept eating dogs and cats.
On that note: Any political joke that works just the same if you change the names of the parties or the pols is not one worth making. This applies to any and all “hot air” jokes; also the one with the Indians chanting “Hoya!” or “Golla goom!” to a pol’s speech and ending with "But be careful not to step in the hoya/golla goom."
Death has been called for the joke. And DEATH it shall be!
(but first a little oomba-goomba.)
Chipotle’s food, OTOH, does make you bleed out the anus.