I delight in parodying glurge I receive, then sending it right back to the sender and everyone on their forward list.
This afternoon, I got this from an acquaintance:
This is what The Dalai Lama has to say on the_ millennium, which began 01/01/2003. All it takes is a few seconds to_ read and think about. Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant_ surprise. This is true even if you are not_ superstitious.
Instructions for Life in the new millennium_ from the Dalai Lama:_
-
Take into account that great love_ and great achievements involve great risk.
-
When you_ lose, don’t lose the lesson.
-
Follow the three Rs:_ Respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for all your_ actions.
-
Remember that not getting what you want is_ sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
-
Learn the_ rules so you know how to break them properly.
-
Don’t let_ a little dispute injure a great friendship.
-
When you_ realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct_ it.
-
Spend some time alone every day.
9._ Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your_ values.
-
Remember that silence is_ sometimes the best answer.
-
Live a good, honorable life._ Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a_ second time.
-
A loving atmosphere in your home is the_ foundation for your life.
-
In disagreements with_ loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the_ past.
-
Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
-
Be gentle with the earth.
16._ Once a year, go some place you’ve never been before.
17._ Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
-
Judge your_ success by what you had to give up in order to get_ it.
-
Approach love and cooking with reckless_ abandon.
Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave_ your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise_ (this is true even if you are not superstitious) if you send it to:_ 0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9_ people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people:_ You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks.
15 people and above: Your life will improve_ drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take_ shape.
Ooookay . . . Fifteen minutes after getting her message, everyone on her list (including her), got my reply:
This is what I have to say on sending junk e-mails, which began as soon as the Internet was invented. All it takes is a few seconds to_ read and think about. Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise–none of your friends will ever talk to you again! This is true even if you are not a complete annoying idiot…
Instructions for Life in the new internet from Eve:
-
Take into account that sending junk mail involves great risk.
-
When you lose your mind, you lose your friends.
-
Follow the three Rs:_ Respect for self, respect for others and respect for their in-boxes.
-
Remember that hitting “delete” is_ sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
-
Learn the_ rules of good manners so you don’t piss people off.
-
Don’t let a little chain letter injure a great friendship.
-
When you_ realize you’ve made a mistake, apologize to everyone on your “forward” list.
-
Spend some time alone every day. Repenting.
9._ Open your mind to change, but not so open that the cat gets out.
-
Remember that “don’t send” is_ sometimes the best answer.
-
Live a good, honorable life._ Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be glad you never sent that stupid e-mail.
-
A loving atmosphere in your computer is the_ foundation for your life.
-
In disagreements with_ loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the_ past. Unless the past involves idiotic chain lettera. Then, bring it up constantly till they beg for mercy.
-
Share your knowledge. No, wait. Don’t.
-
Be gentle with the earth. And with cyber-space.
16._ Once a year, go some place you’ve never been before. Like, straight to hell.
17._ Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need to share every moronic thing that flies into your in-box…
-
Judge your_ success by whether people roll their eyes when they see your e-mail address pop up…
-
Approach love and cooking with reckless_abandon. Do NOT approach your computer that way.
_
Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave_ your hands within 96 hours. You will get a very pleasant surprise_ (this is true even if you are not superstitious) if you send it to:_
0-4 people: You will have annoyed up to four people.
5-9_ people: You will have annoyed up to nine people.
9-14 people:_ You will have annoyed up to 14 people.
15 people and above: You will have become the most annoying person on the face of the earth. Congratulations!
_
_
