All I know about her is what I heard from her daughter. Past that, who knows? I don’t want to know anything more than that. And terrorize? C’mon, this was less than thirty mintes worth of “terrorizing”.
Fuck you three times over. I love her, I will never stop loving her. And she would have to do something pretty fucking horrible to deserve what happened to that woman.
I wasn’t trying to make up for it. I was just trying to (unsuccessfully) put my conscience to rest.
Have some patience. Soon I’ll stop posting altogether.
All I can do is try.
I’m not trying to excuse them. I know it was wrong, it doesn’t matter how many times you tell me it’s wrong, it’s still just as wrong. I’m just trying to come clean.
I know. I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I would.
Not. Love is forgiveness.
Sorry, I must have misinterpreted this: “Internet relations can be good (as we’ve seen a few times on these boards), but they can be pretty fucked up and potentially dangerous as well.” To mean that mine would be fucked up and dangerous.
Yes, I am insane. But that has nothing to do with this. I’m not a compulsive liar. I made a mistake.
There was nothing compulsive about it. I like you guys, and I care what you think about me. I kept trying to say something to make it all go away, and I kept failing miserably. Then I dug myself so deep that I couldn’t get myself back out.
By that logic, what I did to the woman wasn’t that bad, because it was provoked by what I heard from her daughter.
I will, soon
I wish that weren’t true. But for the very same reason, I also have nothing to lose.
You’ll be waiting a long time. There is no capper, only an anti-climax.
I know which conversation you’re talking about. And I never said that. In fact, I was very careful not to insult your painful experiences.
I’m not hateful.
Now this one really comes out of right-field. A misogynist is someone who hates women. I sure as hell don’t hate women. In fact, I’ve even said “I love women, I just don’t know what they see in men.” I’ve never called you a man-hater simply because you disagree with me, I’d appreciate the same courtesy.
I’m not class warring, I just don’t like yuppies.
That’s bullshit and you really should know it. This is, so far, the only thread I’ve lied in. How can I prove it? Dunno. But if my only intent was to lie to everyone, why would I put my picture up on the site? Why would I have come to that small Minneapolis doper gathering? It would be much easier to lie about things if I didn’t.
Because I wanted to know if I had over-stepped my bounds. I was told that I did, but a lot of people painted her as an innocent victim, which pissed me off, so I tried to dispell that notion.
Yours IS, Freak. I’ve never said this before, but if you’re leaving, I have nothing to lose. Your girlfriend is forcing you to do things YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH. Unless you lied about that in chat. That is DANGEROUS, especially given what it is. Fuck, maybe you two deserve each other.
No, I lied. That doesn’t make me a liar. I made a mistake. That doesn’t make me a mistake.
Somehow I doubt you’ll be saying that to the next troll who rides through. But, by then, you probably will have forgotten about me anyway.
Not true. I wanted an opinion, but it was prejudiced by them seeing her as an innocent victim. So I changed it. That doesn’t make it right, but I do have feelings. And I feel bad when I’ve done something wrong, as I have right now.
As am I.
Really? You never told me that. quite the opposite, in fact.
I will be leaving momentarily, but I probably won’t be coming back, for reason that are obvious.
If I believed that, I’d be a lot happier right now.
I knew that I would lose respect, credibility, and friends by being honest and coming clean with you. I did it anyway. Because it bothered me that I wasn’t telling you the truth. Even after it was over. Even after most people had lost interest, I felt I needed to tell you the truth. I spent the whole weekend stewing over this, and eventually decided that, no matter what the consequences, I had to tell you the truth.
This is the only thing I’ve lied about on this board. It wasn’t a cry for help. I wasn’t making up some story just to get a bunch of replies, like a troll. I wasn’t betraying your trust to get some sympathy, like concrete. I’m not a troll. I’m not a liar. I’m not even that much of a bad person. And if I’d had any idea how it would turn out, I never would have started this thread in the first place.
But I have no more reasons to lie. I’ve already lost all my friends here, I’ve already lost all my respect here. I have nothing to gain by lying.
So believe me when I say I’m sorry. I really, truly am.
I’m sorry that I scared her.
I’m sorry that I lied to you guys, even if I did think it was justified at the time.
I’m sorry that I didn’t come clean earlier.
But most of all I’m sorry that I’ve lost so many friends over this. But I can’t exactly say I blame you. How can you be friends with someone you can’t trust? Even if I only lied to get your opinion, not sympathy. Even if I came clean in the end. You’ll always wonder if I’m telling the truth. And I guess that’s the real reason I’m leaving, because I can’t bear to be so despised and untrusted by people I really like. Call me a coward, but I just can’t face that. I actually have a newfound respect for Silo, for being able to hang in there. But I can’t do it.
This will be my last post, and as such, I’d like to make one last request. Don’t hate me.
Young man, you will be very disappointed somewhere down the line. Not all will be forgiven in life. And after reading what Falcon said, I’d say you’re setting yourself up for a big series of mistakes.
I’d say the SDMB is not the only thing you need to leave behind.
For what it’s worth, Freak, I don’t hate you. In fact, I don’t even really care what actually happened. With my post I was just trying to demonstrate what your credibility is worth at this point. You’ve changed your story so many times that any interpretation is valid now. (And in some ways my interpretation may be somewhat more charitable toward you than some of the versions you have recounted.)
By the way, pay attention to what people are saying about you here on this message board. The anonymity of the message board gives us the liberty of saying what you friends can only think when they eventually realize how much BS you sling. Think about it: If your BS is so obvious to total strangers on a message board, then it is going to be doubly obvious to those people in your immediate environment.
Take advantage of this opportunity, FF. You finally can see what is going on inside the heads of your friends and family IRL.
I’d bet someone you care about could actually hurt you much worse that a stranger, seeing as how you’re more vulnerable to those you love. I’d be worried if I were her, especially knowing that.
self-contradictory
self-contradictory. You lied repeatedly and at great length, it is extremely disingenuous to suggest it was one small lie.
Rather, you lied to get sympathy, not an honest opinion. that’s why everyone’s so angry! You already knew that the opinion would be negative, that’s what motivated you to lie. Just trying to get us to help you feel better about it. In case you haven’t already figured it out, it’s not so much that you lied that generated the anger here. It’s that you did so in order to use us. You can apologize for lying, but your actions make it clear that you consider us people who can be used. An apology won’t change that.
I’m sorry, but using people to make yourself feel better is not loving behavior. It’s rather pathological. You may wish to reflect on that. Your actions will always speak much louder than your words.
Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you’ll allow yourself to be used by that person in the future. Another thing to keep in mind, especially when dealing with your SO.
Well, you obviously care a lot about the opinions of the people here (enough to use us to prop up your conscience, which is truly a backhanded sort of compliment, but sincere). You obviously understand why many are angry.
Hopefully you’ll also realize that some people are comapssionate enough, even if angry, to want to encourage you to take a good hard look at what’s going on with you. Some comments here were not meant to hurt you so much as to shock you into realizing that you’ve got some serious issues. It may be painful, but if it helps you to get a grip and solve those issues, whether or not you come back here, we’ll all be better off. Good luck.
I’ve been a lurker since before you signed on and have read many of your posts.
I don’t hate you, and I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I think you’re young, a bit screwed up, and made a big ass mistake.
But look on the bright side, at least it wasn’t a HUGE ASS mistake, you didn’t rape or kill or physically assualt her, and it is now over (although the memory will probably haunt you both for a long time). I suspect you’ve come out the worse for wear between the two of you, as it should be.
People make mistakes all the time, many much worse than yours, but they think about it, learn from it, maybe see a therapist, and eventually redemption can come.
You have expressed great remorse and I do believe you are being truthful about that. That’s a good sign and a good foundation to build on.
I know FF may be gone, but I about choked when I read this:
…ahem…
BULLSHIT!
Oh. My. Goodness. Look, I consider myself a romantic (albeit one still in the closet), and I am ecstatic about marrying DeathLlama in seven months and have felt the swoon of his love for over three years. BUT…good grief love is not just forgiveness. And forgiveness does not supercede love.
Is that what you would tell this woman’s daughter? That no matter the ill her mother has wrought, “Love is forgiveness…love your mother, forgive her”? These two words are not synonyms. Love includes forgiveness, but not blindness (despite the U2 song).
I do believe what Coldfire was referring to, and what I will further explain, is that events such as this are great windows into a person’s character. In the initial stages of a relationship, when infatuation is high, it is profoundly important to keep at least some aspect of your consciousness grounded in reason. Warning signs must be heeded. And sorry, but as a woman, any man that pulled a stunt like this–in particular, the fantastic amount of creative lying done specifically for the sake of making yourself look better–may as well paint himself red and perch on a flagpole, waving a sign that says “WARNING!” Because of some physical danger? No…because it suggests serious character flaws that hint of future friction, to say the least.
Sheesh, “Love is forgiveness”…:::smacking forehead:::…
Okay, Freak, m’boy, I’m not going to try to defend you anymore. I’m not going to try to give you the benefit of the doubt anymore. I am going to extend to you the courtesy of assuming that you have finally revealed as much of the truth as you’re willing to. So I’m only going to give a piece of advice.
Suck it up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yeah. And everyone pays for those mistakes, too. As you’ve probably already noticed, this was a humdinger. I’m not going to try to tell you that you’re “fucking horrible” or whatever. You’ve gotten plenty of that as it is, and I hope you take this criticism to heart. A few battle scars never hurt anyone.
So here’s what I would suggest you do… take a hiatus from the board. I know you’re planning to leave, which I don’t blame you for. Perhaps some time to let things cool down is necessary.
I, for one, am quite annoyed about sticking my neck wa-a-a-a-a-ay out for you only to have it swiped at. Doesn’t make me entirely happy. But I don’t think this means you need to exile yourself forever. Not necessarily.
Take a week off. Or two weeks. Or a month. It doesn’t matter. But time heals all wounds, in theory. Maybe next time, you’ll have learned better. I sure hope so.
And if you think I’m being too condescending… well, I really am angry at the moment.
Although FF’s interpretation scared the shit out of me: apparently, physical harm was the first thing he could think of. This can only mean that:
a) My remark hit a little close to home and this is indeed on his mind, or;
b) He is too dumb or unexperienced to see I was making a remark about personal integrity rather than about bodily harm.
For the love of all that’s good, let’s hope the answer is “b”.
I believe neither the original nor the modified versions. I believe this freakfreely person/thing is completely and totally fucked up beyond all redemption.
I get the strong feeling that he is in fact a thirteen-year old latch-key child with absolutely nothing to do, probably because he is such an obnoxious prick the other kids will have nothing to do with him. As a consequence, he becomes more obnoxious than ever and then begs for forgiveness for telling us all a lie. Just to compound things, he then comes up with another lie in order to admit that he originally told a lie. In truth he is chortling to himself over having jerked all the respondants to his post around.
This is a pathetic person with a pathetic set of values who seems to live a pathetic life filled with pathetic fantasies in which he is able to be judge, jury and executioner.
I agree with Zette, Wring, Anthracite that your behavior was beyond abhorrent. Ok, Ok, you get a pat on the back for returning the checkbook and credit cards, but what you did to horrify this woman is beyond contempt. There is absolutely no iota of rationale that would allow for this kind of creepy behavior. Her probably kicking puppies is not even close to your cruel behavior.
More important, however, is your inability to see that your actions were sick despite of the fact that many people have told you so and cited their reasons. This is unforgiveable.
Frankly Freakfreely, I used to enjoy reading your posts, but now you just give me the creepy shudders. In my mind and probably in the minds of other SDMB women, you are branded as one sick fuck.
I just realized that I missed 4/5s of this thread and that FF was REALLY a fucking asshole in that he lied etcetcetc. Ooops sorry for coming late to the game and wearing the wrong sports gear. But jeeesus, this guy’s a real creep.
Unfortunately, he’ll be back and do something just as stupid again.
Good lord. Five pages of people trying to pound one simple idea into his head and he still misses the point.
Freak:
Your stalking and terrorizing this woman wasn’t right when she was a:
#1) Yuppie #2) Yuppie bitch who wouldn’t give money to people #2a) Sneering Yuppie bitch who wouldn’t give money to people and says snotty things. #3) Yuppie racist bitch.
and now it still doesn’t make it right that she’s #4) Joan Collins with a wire hanger.
You may have missed this basic point.
Your rational (“It’s ok to stalk and terrorize people, if they’re baaaad!”) is eerily similar to the “She was dressed like a slut so it was OK to rape her” arguement. Regardless of who your vicitm is, WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG!
In addition: Let’s pretend that your current version is actually the truth (I’m not even close to convinced, but let’s just pretend for a minute)
Your girlfriend’s mommy has done something unspeakable to her. Happens all the time. Very much a shame. The way adults might handle this sort of situation would be (vagueness comes from the undefined nature of the unspeakable acts):
A) If it’s criminal, go to the police
B) If it’s not criminal, go to a lawyer who offers free consultations and check options (This assumes something like a stolen inheritance or some such)
Your girlfriend refuses to do either A or B, or they’re not applicable. Fine. Moving along
C)Get your girlfriend some help and support her until she’s strong enough to confront this woman to her face. This is the best option, since it’s the only one that’ll help your girlfriend
D) You confront (TO HER FACE, DAMMIT! No 2:00 hangup calls or threatening poison-pen letters) Mommy with your girlfriend there. Not as good as C) but it has the advantage of immediacy.
I could continue but I trust the point has been made. You’ll notice that none of the scenarios I’ve listed call for you to become: Kaptain Karma! Krusading Stalker of the NIGHT!
Regardless of what Mommy Dearest, Evil-Yuppie-Woman or Racist-Bitch did, stalking her was wrong. Period. She was the innocent victim of your little game. Any other sins she may have committed are not avenged by stalking her.
“Teaching people a lesson” works in superhero comics because Superman and Spider-Man are perfect and pure and good and noble and true. They also are fantasies. Grown-ups learn that eventually. Hopefully you will too, before the next innocent victim of your revenge fantasies either gets hurt seriously or shoots you. Or both.