Just after some views on something I’ve done… with coffee.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

OK, so I am a coffee drinker. I probably do drink too much of it, but not outrageously so. I would say one or two cappuccinos and two or sometimes three instant per day.

Anyways, today in particular I had one cappuccino in the morning around 6.30am, one after lunch around 2pm. Then I had one instant just before we put the children to bed 7.15pm and then (drum roll…….) immediately after the children went to bed 7.30pm I had another instant!!! Yes, two instant coffees almost consecutively!

My SO said to me in a deeply concerned, and somewhat annoyed tone “You’re not having another coffee are you?!”

[Yes, yes I know this is mundane, but please persist]

Then he said still annoyed, “That is odd behavior. Especially when you have been having trouble sleeping! You need to get help”

I was really irritated by his comment and went ahead and drank my coffee anyway. He went off to do something in his office.

I’ve told him on many occasions that coffee doesn’t affect my sleeping. Sometimes I have coffee and sleep really well, sometimes I have no coffee but can’t sleep, and every variation in between. It is not the coffee, but rather the other stresses in my life that keep me awake (busy pressured job, working full time with 3 children under 5, his very loud snoring, etc, etc).

I needed to go into his office to tell him something, and he was still shitty with me. I asked him why and he said it was because I was shitty with him. THEN, I just needed to clarify something with him, “So I had two coffees, and now my behavior is odd and you’re cross with me?” He didn’t say yes as such, but that’s what’s going on.

So:

  1. Is 2 espressos + 2 or 3 instant too much in one day?
  2. Is it outrageous to have two instant coffees in a row?
  3. Is it odd behavior? (for a normal person who is otherwise healthy)
  4. Do I need help?
  5. Does my coffee behavior warrant somebody being quite cross?
    (just so you know there had not been any particular irritants this evening that would cause either of us to be cross)
2

Seriously?

I drink more coffee than you drink. My SO has far more important things to be annoyed about and she doesn’t nag about those, let alone my coffee consumption.

ETA: sorry if that came across as harsh. I needed another cup, I guess.

3

:slight_smile: no offence taken

4
  1. Is 2 espressos + 2 or 3 instant too much in one day?

If it’s every day, perhaps. As an occasional thing, I wouldn’t think so.

  1. Is it outrageous to have two instant coffees in a row?

Don’t think so.

  1. Is it odd behavior? (for a normal person who is otherwise healthy)

Don’t think so.

  1. Do I need help?

Yes, but not with regards to your coffee intake.

  1. Does my coffee behavior warrant somebody being quite cross?

No. That bit is really weird. Perhaps you could find a time when you are both in good moods, and raise the question as to what it is about your coffee drinking that upsets your spouse.

5

This sounds like someone is trying to control you, your behavior, and what you have access too. He is just starting small for now, but look how far he’s willing to push it.
What’s next, alcohol? You having access to a credit card? Your car keys? Access to your friends?

[spoiler] Nah, I’m just messing with ya. :wink: Its just an argument a couple is having that has nothing to do with coffee and probably a lot more to do with stress.

Want to settle his hash? Tell him to make an appointment for you to see the Dr of his choice about your coffee intake & you will make an appointment for him to see the Dr of your choice about his control issues.
Feel free to keep us updated on the results, but I predict makeup-sex will ensue. :smiley: [/spoiler]

6

Everyone is different. My wife and son can both down a big dose of caffeine right before bed and sleep soundly. A coffee in the morning can keep me awake at night, even though I’m usually a sound sleeper. I stick to decaf.

Regarding your SO: a lot of us get cross at one thing when we’re really upset about something else. It’s not a conscious thing. Just be aware that there’s possibly something else that’s really bothering him, but that he hasn’t mentioned.

Another possibility is that caffeine affects your behavior/personality a bit, and your SO doesn’t like the effect. If you’re a serious coffeehead, this wouldn’t be a good sign. I agree with Sandra’s suggestion. Try real hard not to say it in a way that puts him on the defensive. Starting out with an apology can help, if it’s genuine. I realize you don’t think you have anything to apologize for, but perhaps you can find something you said that wasn’t nice, etc.

7

You’ve been sleeping badly, you’re drinking coffee and your husband points out that it’s odd you’re not linking the two. He’ll get over it and I’m sure you will too.

8

Do your sleeping troubles affect him or others in your family? I’m guessing he thinks that’s a Yes, and your evening coffee drinking is contributing to a problem that affects the whole family.

He may very well be wrong on both counts, that it’s not actually affecting others (though his opinion on this should carry a lot of weight since he’s an “others”) and that evening coffee does not impact your sleep.

So, he sees you down 2 coffees in quick succession and thinks “great, here comes another sleepless night, why is she doing this to herself?” Then goes and confronts you in a pretty ineffective way.

I also agree that you should broach the subject when it’s not a hot topic. Perhaps, if the taste is acceptable, offer to switch to decaf in the evenings.

9

Yes, I agree, I thought his reaction was OTT and perhaps consistent with controlling behaviour.

I may suggest this. It may put it into perspective.

I hear what you’re saying, but I was just drinking coffee?

Perhaps it affects him because I’m more wakeful I’m more likely to be troubled by his snoring, otherwise I don’t think so. I’ve tested coffee v non coffee evenings and it seems to make no difference I don’t think its the coffee. It’s work stress and family stress.

By they way my sleeping “problems” are that occasionally I’m wakeful (maybe once every couple of weeks) and it normally coincides with issues at work.

10

1. Is 2 espressos 2 or 3 instant too much in one day?

Yes.

2. Is it outrageous to have two instant coffees in a row?

Yes. Outrageous. You should be ashamed of what you have done.

3. Is it odd behavior? (for a normal person who is otherwise healthy)

Yes. And have you ever been diagnosed as normal by an actual licensed medical doctor?

4. Do I need help?

Yes. Yes, you do.

5. Does my coffee behavior warrant somebody being quite cross?

Yes. You really should be more considerate. You should think about how your coffee consumption impacts those around you.

11

Thanks Snerky.

12

no
no
no
no
no

13

Seconded. Very informative

14

Tell your SO you’ve seen a doctor who is indeed taking you off coffee but putting you on amphetamines instead. That should make his day. :wink:

15

Any instant is too much instant.

16

Ha ha. I can just imagine!

17

If I had a dolla for every time someone confidently said, “It’s not the <blank>!”…

People are really, really shitty at noticing correlations between their behavior and bodies. It’s not you, it’s everyone. Confirmation bias runs rampant. So unless you’re a different species immune to caffeine AND you have a written food and sleep diary to back up your beliefs, I’m going to assume, as he does, that your coffee consumption late at night is affecting your sleep, and that it’s probably knocking your sleep cycle out of whack so much that then the sleepless night itself is causing other sleepless nights even if you don’t drink coffee that night. I bet that if a statistician ran some numbers, they’d find a connection, simply because caffeine is a stimulant. There’s just no arguing that. So, yes, two coffees back to back near to bedtime is very likely too much, and no, it’s not particularly common in my experience, at least in adults over 35. (If I also had a dolla for every time I’ve heard, “Oh, no thanks, if I have coffee this late, I’ll never get to sleep tonight.”…)

Now, was he an ass? Yeah, a little bit. Much better way to approach it would be a calm statement of honest concern sometime when you weren’t actually enjoying your coffee, rather than a snarky passive aggressive question that harshed your buzz. That shit is annoying, but it’s not really about the coffee…it’s about a much more complicated underlying dynamic between you two.

18

Sam Kinison (RIP). Familiar with his body of work? It might be cool to do a Kinison riff.

“Another coffee?”

"FFFUUUUUUUUCCCKKK, you’re making my life a living hell!!! " (etc)

19

OK WhyNot, you make some fair points but it’s not really confirmation bias if I was expecting coffee to keep me awake. That said, maybe it has been knocking my sleep cycle out of whack etc. I guess I was really wanting to check whether I was being reasonable by being upset by SOs behavior. It really is not about the coffee. And yes, it is much more complicated.

20

I drink a lot of coffee, and Mr. Fluke never says a word about it. He doesn’t really get my coffee obsession, because he is one of those people who doesn’t like coffee. They do exist, apparently.

I have 3 cups every morning, and maybe another cup mid afternoon or after dinner. I really like a cup of coffee after dinner for some reason. It doesn’t really affect my sleeping at all.