This has bothered me for quite some time. Seems to me that people would throw the “just be yourself” advice anytime they have the opportunity to spew those words. Celebrities, “successful” people almost always say those words on camera when asked about their keys for success.
But what the hell do they actually mean??!! If anything, whatever you do, regardless if you’re trying to emulate someone else, you are still being yourself (especially if you do like ‘emulating’ other people). One explanation I could think of is that the words can actually be very condescending. When someone says, “just be yourself,” actually she/he means that "since I am predisposed to being successful, by being myself I become successful.
I’ve taken that phrase to mean that the best way of achieving one’s potential is to listen to it with a keen ear, letting intuition and drive be the dominant guides. As opposed to the advice of other people, the values of People magazine, etc.
An interesting corollary is, that sure as heck doesn’t mean everyone can/will “succeed”. But IMHO it makes the journey a lot more fun.
As true scientists, shall we consider the evidence?
People being me, refusal, who are successful:0.
People not being me who are successful: millions.
Therefore, I can deduce that being me is extremely unlikely to be successful.
(More seriously, have you noticed how most famous people are pretty similar, or at least fall into a few personality groups: e.g. egotists, mentally unstable, under-educated, loud-mouthed, more driven by determination than talent, etc. Which would kind of disprove the theory in the case where “myself” is not any of those things (except loud-mouthed).)
My take on this is to try and let yourself behave the way you do when you’re feeling the most comfortable. Such as when you’re with a close friend or family member, and aren’t thinking about making an impression, but just interacting.
I think that’s what the advice to “just be yourself” means.
Nervousness and anxiety in new situations sometimes makes us behave very “unlike” ourselves.
I try to behave as if I’ve known folks for a long time and don’t need to present myself all shiny and new.
Sometimes it works.
I just think that it is so abstract and “non-intuitive” that makes it unnecessary and worthless. I have a feeling that when people say those words they don’t actually stop and think what they actually mean. I don’t mind if the words are used sparingly but it is so cliched it is annoying when they are overused. They can be very condescending as well.
Yeah, it’s one of those pithy pieces of advice that don’t make much sense when analyzed. Sort of a corollary, which peole told me when I was a kid and which drives me nuts is “If you really want something all you have to do is try really really hard and you’ll get it.” No, you stupid jerk, that is not at all true so don’t freaking tell me that.
Also, this is the opposite I guess, but…
I had the following conversation with a psychiatrist:
Me: Dr., I’m worried medication will change me into someone else. (OK not the most intelligent thing I’ve ever said.)
Dr. Well if I were feeling like you do I’d want to be somebody else.
Later, he denied he ever said it.
Sorry, this is sort of OT I guess, but that’s what I was inspired to say by your OP.
Every time I take my children out in public I tell them to act like they are someone else’s children and behave.
This of course comes somewhere between the “would you act your age” “grow-up” and “would you shush” “speak up I can’t hear you” routines.
As for the OP, I’ve always just taken it as a confidence booster. Something just generally said to people to put them at ease.
Guess I never thought about what they actually mean. And after refusal’s post (I’m in the same boat) I’m not sure I want to!
But hey, if anybody wants to be me just send me an offer.
I tend to agree with the OP, in that said advice is rather more hot air than true wisdom. However, you could say the same thing about the wisdom, “To thine own self be true,” and yet, I get THAT hands down. I get the idea of looking at who I am when NOBODY is there to judge, and being that person in public. Of course, there were a few trial runs at it, but I call that experience…
oh, wait, no, the judge called it public lewdness and slapped my silly ass …
I do this it’s definitely rather a pithy bit of advice, but I’ve found some truth in it when it comes to my artwork, especially when it came to selling my artwork.
Whenever I tried to follow some “fad”, or did a style or subject of art that went against my grain, that wasn’t anything I’d really want to do, it sunk. I ended up not selling it. If I could find some aspect of it that I liked (even if there were also things I didn’t like) that often went OK. But to do something that was all affected, all totally not “me”? It never worked forr me. Sunk like a stone.
Now I know better. I’ve had some very nice successes with artwork that came too easy for me because I loved doing it way too much. For instance, I used to draw cowboys all over my notebooks at school. I loved drawing cowboys. And when I got into pottery, I started painting hokey high-school-esque (but nicely done–hey, give me some credit) cowboys on plates. And they were somewhat of a hit for me! Got them into art galleries, where they were considered some kind of kitsch art! Cool!
I have a book I keep stalling out on, which refers to this phenomenon as serendipity, and to the phenom of deciding to be true to thine own self, only to be met with a golden opportunity or really great mentor, as synchronicity. The universe does reward honest creativity, doesn’t it?
So, if the artwork did itself while you sat back in awe, good for you! I’m not there yet. Glad to see it happens IRL - reassurance that it’s not a lost cause.
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Thanks SPOOFE! I don’t have a problem with the “Don’t let…” part. That’s a pretty concrete advice to try to gain confidence in oneself.
I just wish that’s what people mean when they utter “just be yourself.” Most just don’t seem to know the answer and just mindlessly regurgitate an overused cliche. I dunno, maybe it’s just my cynical take…
“Just be yourself” = “You’re a crappy liar, so if you start pretending you’re something you’re not, you’ll end up shooting yourself in the foot.”
The reason it’s a smart idea to be yourself is that most people aren’t good at trying to be something else. Even if you do pull it off, the truth will come out, eventually.
society doesn’t want you to be yourself anymore, saying it is a nice cover up for all the anorexia and drugs
some one else brought of the meds earlier and i have had the same things happen to me. I am taking 7 (last week 9) pills a day because my parents, friends, teachers, family, psychiatrist and psychologist don’t like the normal me. Who is original anymore? if your not on pills your copying someone elses act
Yeah, but on the other hand, there is no one piece of advice you can give in the three seconds of sound bite that most ceelebrities are given in which they have to explain the secret to their success. It would take an hour-long seminar, talking about effort and talent and intelligently using one’s innate talents, keeping an awareness to opportunity, and such and such.
“Be yourself unless yourself is a big fat jerk. Then try to phony it up a bit so you can go out in public.”
I’ve always taken “be yourself” to mean “don’t do things the way they do it in sitcoms, where everyone lies and hides things all the time and it blows up in their faces bigtime and they lose the thing they wanted so much because of all the lying and hiding things.” Your mileage may vary, of course.
