Has nothing to do with the issue. Besides, if SC cooks for 3, and decides to eat leftovers the next night (or better yet, 2 nights later so there are two sets of leftovers so Mrs. SC has some), the needed to cook for the spoiled step-son issue still exists. Or maybe that night he shows for dinner and there is only enough food for two and he wouldn’t eat it anyway.
In my own home, I’m the cook. I’m not a fan of last night’s steak though I was a fan of it last night. If I don’t want to eat leftovers, I cook the meal. However, if I made stew and I don’t feel like cooking two or three nights later, no one gets a choice - we’re having leftover stew.
When one does all the planning and preparation (and presumably shopping, because those who don’t cook generally don’t know about choosing good ingredients), one gets to call the shots. Except SC isn’t, and he’s frustrated and ranting. Without knowing what else is going on, this might be a battle he’s willing to give ground on, but actively choosing to fight another battle elsewhere doesn’t make surrendering here taste better.
Which brings us back to: if you have so much pride in your cooking that it may not be sullied with plebeian condiments, and it may not be reheated in the microwave, why cook for someone who is liable to do either of those things? Unless you just enjoy being miserable, that is.
That herbed chicken the OP described sounds like it would be just fine reheated. It also does not sound like some kind of four-star Michelin dish that is akin to an original Vermeer or whatever. It sounds like basic herbed chicken, the same kind of stuff I put on the table for my family five days a week. I think he needs to chill out a little bit.
Are you even reading the thread? It’s because then son-in-law bitches to his wife who bitches at him. The problem isn’t so much the annoying food habits, it’s that this guy seems to get zero respect from the people he lives with.
Except…the only thing he’s bitched about is food. He hasn’t mentioned if his stepson helps around the house with cleaning, or laundry, or yardwork, or anything like that. Just that he doesn’t properly appreciate the OP’s gourmet masterpieces.
Mrs Cad and I are on a strict no carb diet.
Stepson hates seafood. And I respect that and don’t cook fish or shrimp for him no problem.
Mrs Cad doesn’t eat pork or beef for ethical reasons.
So I make fish for us and spaghetti for him and he doesn’t eat it, neither Mrs. Cad nor I can eat it the next night. Now if I cook a pork roast and a chicken breast for Mrs. Cad then I will take the leftovers for lunch but I would say that level of dinner sychronicity in this house occurs maybe 50% of the time.
Considering that I end up doing dishes this week so they’re clean - no. And for him, vacuuming the living room once a week in exchange for free room and board is according to him a huge favor to us.
And I’ve been reminding him for a week that today is tax day - but him doing his taxes would involve getting of his games for more than 5 minutes. When his mom tried to get him to signup for Obamacare on the last day at 10:30pm (he blew her off for 3 weeks), he got pissed at her because he was missing a Parks & Recreation episode on Netflix.
The victimitude here is just astronomical. You’re too wrapped up in it to see how you’re snagged. You need to kick him out, pronto. And I would highly recommend a counselor for you [del]and your wife[/del]. You’ve been performing thankless tasks for so long now that you can’t see how much you’ve become a doormat for them. You need to talk with someone to help you get out of the mindset you’re in.
I agree with all of this, especially seeing a counsellor to get some outside perspective. This isn’t a healthy dynamic at all, and I think all three of the principles are too close to it to see it.
Saint Cad,I truly hear you. When my teenaged kids (and half their mates, couchsurfing) were living at home, they considered it a favour to me when they were persuaded to (rarely) do the dishes, or heaven-forbid, vacuum the living room. Pissed-me off no end, but trying to fight the battles was wearying and pointless.
Luckily I didn’t have a spouse to take into consideration…so I just moved out! Told the kids to find alternative digs, and I moved to a different suburb. Worked wonders for my mental health!
Exactly. But when the OP comes to vent some steam, he gets a bunch of (mostly clueless) people who think they know the answers to all the world’s problems. Or they think that the way they would choose to deal with the issue (which IMNSHO is usually more wish-fulfillment than actual practice) is a one-size fits all answer to everyone dealing with a somewhat similar issue.
Interesting word you used there. You somehow have a lot of respect for somebody who has none for you.
This ketchup thing still baffles me. Your family pushes you around, criticizes you, doesn’t lift a hand to help out, and you’re pissed off about ketchup use?
Well, yeah. You’ve never been in a deeply unhappy relationship where you were treated poorly, have you? Acknowledging that your partner has no respect for you, and supports other people in treating you without respect is a terribly painful thing. Acknowledging that that happens and you put up with it is a great big gaping, raw-edged hole in your heart. Telling yourself you’re just pissed off about the ketchup lets you pretend things aren’t so bad as all that and spares you some pain. Not much, because you’re still being treated poorly and that still hurts like a sumbitch, but some. It’s not a healthy reaction, but it’s a human one, and pretty damn common.
I understand that it is very hard for many to understand why people might stay in an abusive relationship, but please try to accept that sometimes it’s not as easy as “life’s too short” and “fix it or flee.” Knowing you allowed yourself to become a victim of abuse is a horrible feeling and knowing that people look down on you for it really hurts. Re-read **CrazyCatLady’s **post a few times.
Breaking the cycle of an established abusive relationship requires the victim to acknowledge and accept that there is something very wrong going on. To paraphrase the AA tenet, the first step is admitting that there is a problem. It can be extremely difficult to get to that point.
I think most people in this thread, especially the latter part, are more concerned with trying to get the OP to wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak. Something is deeply wrong with the situation
Oh Saint Cad! You could do better than putting up with this crap. A lot of people would be thrilled and appreciative to have someone cook for them every night. Good grief!!
OK, so when somebody posts and complains about overuse of ketchup we’re all supposed to go, “Poor baby, they are all wrong about that. And we’ll all go ahead and ignore just how much they are fucking up your life in other ways”.
And what the hell makes you think that my “fix it or flee” statement suggested an easy solution? Solutions aren’t always easy but they are in fact solutions.
Your attempt and condescension failed.
And even more so when the people you complain to also ignore the problem.
I also think you may have misunderstood what I was saying. I was responding specifically to your comments about how you haven’t/wouldn’t stay in a bad relationship. I’m not suggesting that we should say “poor baby” to the OP. Just the opposite. I am entirely in favor of the smacking-around the OP is getting in this thread. A little tough love can go a long way toward making someone re-evaluate things. And I can also relate to the annoyance people are feeling at the way he’s just ignoring what people are saying about the underlying issues and continuing to complain about the superficial symptoms.
