It seems that Saint Cad’s issue is more the insult he must endure of not having his cooking be appreciated than the other obvious dysfunctionalities manifest. He wants to cook for everyone, he seems to like playing the martyr, he does not really care about the 23 year old not having life skills (both of cooking and of helping out in the household), or of the 23 year old learning to be an adult, or his own being treated like a slave, he just wants to be patted on the head and told how good of a cook he is. All would be fine by SC if 23 year old man-child had a more developed palate and liked what he cooked as prepared.
You’re giving your stepson too much power over your emotions, and I think you know this on a certain level. Him putting ketchup on his food is only as much of an insult to your cooking as you want it to be. I’m starting to wonder if you have a need to read disrespect into his behavior. Like maybe you’re getting something out of this ongoing emotional conflict that you’re hiding from us and possibly yourself.
Could you be motivated to see him as a selfish and unappreciative brat because that belief makes you feel better about yourself? Relationship problems often cause people to look for validation in weird ways. Sometimes we want to see ourselves as the long suffering martyr because it gives us a sense of purpose and identity.
Sometimes we don’t have the balls to say “I don’t want him living with us but if he is, let’s set some boundaries and timelines for him”. It’s easier instead to blow little things like ketchup out of proportion and act as though you are being taken for granted.
Odds are this has less to do with the stepson and more to do with control in general. You don’t feel like you have any, it might be because you’re choosing to stay silent rather than speak up for what you want.
It could be an attempt to make someone seem like a bad guy or to shift the blame. That’s a pretty common motive.
I know that I’ve had relationships where I am constantly seeing myself as the victim of someone else’s behavior. It’s a terrible sign for the health of the relationship.
similar to an old roomate of mine who would snore like a fucking chainsaw, on the couch, for HOURS ON FUCKING END, in the only goddamned room with a tv/computers/stereo.
I recorded him one time and then played it back when he was awake, he wanted it turned off after about 8 seconds.
You with the face, that was an astute post. Which probably means the op will totally ignore it in favor of posting more details about his herbed chicken and the precise quantity of ketchup in question.
Um…did you not see where he said that he put rosemary AND sage on the chcken? That’s two herbs on one bird! Two! You’re obviously a philistine with no taste buds if you do not understand that his culinary mastery trumps all.
I love sage and loathe rosemary. Time for KETCHUP!
Little known fact: until **Saint Cad **worked there one summer during high school, Subway employees were known simply as “Sandwich Makers.”
To be fair, I did ask if there was anything that was at issue that wasn’t the ketchup. But considering I didn’t understand why the first was a big deal (so no one besides the son can eat the serving he doesn’t want to?), and the second, while annoying, was actually called out by his mother, it really does seem it IS all about the ketchup, which definitely affects my opinion on this whole to-do.
sandra_nz, she would scrape up whatever money she could manage (she was perpetually unemployed, another of her many issues), and would buy herself her own food, or make the occasional box of mac n’ cheese she found in our pantry. In the end, I couldn’t help her all that much, which is one of the great regrets of my life.
Sometimes the best help you can give is not to help.
I still want to know why it’s apparently such a major hassle to make a third portion of dinner for someone. I make dinner for my family every day. Throwing an extra piece of chicken in, or making enough pasta for 3 instead of 2, is not hard and costs barely any extra effort at all.
Excuse me stewardess, I speak Acsenray.
Sir, it is an unfortunate thing that your relationships are so troubled.
Tolerating them exposes flaws in your character.
With many available partners in this world you might be better to end this relationship and find a partner who most understands your wants and needs.
I appeal to you in the spirit of male camaraderie.
Do you agree?
The problem with reading the thread is that the shitty advice outweighs the good advice, and after awhile it becomes tedious to follow.
The problem is that the stepson will promise to show for dinner and be absent, and SaintCad alluded that the stepson will not eat leftovers (my brother is the same way on the latter, but he cooks for himself).
Additionally, for those of us who take pride in our cooking, many dishes are best right off the stove, not re-heated in a microwave 3 hours later.
BubbaDog, just to be sure, you do know that Acsenray was being highly sarcastic, right?
Perhaps, but even “You guys are idiots, and here’s why” from the OP would be a huge step up.
Hah!
I can sort of see where he’s coming from, in that if I’d put a lot of effort, money and time into preparing some kind of special dish for my family, like say… sous-vide USDA prime NY strip steaks, and they just slapped ketchup all over them, I might be a little pissed off- I could have just grilled some regular old sirloin if they were going to do that.
But 99% of the time or more, dinner is just a matter of getting something reasonably tasty on the table to keep everyone fed. I mean, my wife and I roast chicken all the time with rosemary and thyme, and about half the time, I eat it with BBQ sauce or ketchup because I’m just not a huge fan of roast chicken. Nobody gets butthurt, nobody even bats an eye at it.
I’d think a telling test here would be if Saint Cad would be more or less offended if said teenager only ate about 1/3 of the wondrous meal that was prepared for him, and left the other 2/3 because he didn’t like it, vs. eating it all with ketchup? Either way, he didn’t like the food, but one way he wasted it, and the other, he just adapted and overcame in order to eat a meal.
The ‘teenager’ in question is a 23 year old adult male.
[Billingsley]
Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da help!
[/Billingsley]
(I did get the reference first time round too)
Someone explain to me why Saint Cad can’t just eat his own leftovers instead of “well son won’t eat them so then the food goes to waste”? So the son’s too good for leftovers - what, is Saint Cad also too good to eat his own leftover food? Why the hell should the food go to waste just because one person out of three decides not to eat it?
Practice what you preach.