Maybe, at least until he moves out, you can introduce the family to the wonders of a casserole or a slow-cooker meal. Sounds like your wife doesn’t mind what you feed her and the stepson only cares that he gets the same thing everyone else does, so if you insist on cooking, make it something easy that reheats well and you have no real personal investment in, and sometimes make a bit of fine cuisine for just yourself. After he leaves you can go back to cooking what you like to prepare and eat and that particular family drama is avoided.
More or less. This is just food, not fine art. I understand the effort in making everything just right but, in the end, as long as your guests enjoy it–even if it means they slather it in ketchup–who cares? I cook as much for myself as for others. I don’t care what they do with their portion of the meal, as long as I get to enjoy mine how I like it (since I cooked it.)
I mean “kid” in the context that it’s his wife’s child. I think at least part of the problem is that this isn’t the OPer’s child, or he might feel less resentful about his presence.
In my experience, it is. Certainly in working class families.
I happen to disagree with you in some respects; daily chores can be Works of Art, and haven’t you ever stepped back and admired your lawn when you got it looking just right? Sushi chefs in Japan spend years learning to make rice properly (a really mundane job if you have ever done it) because that is the heart of sushi, not the fish. Chores are your opportunity to make good use of your time to make your house attractive, safe and healthy.
You have to eat food everyday, so why not make it as appetizing to your palette, your eyes, and your soul as you possibly can. My friend makes the most incredible sandwiches for lunch because he knows that in the middle of a busy work day, it may be the only bright spot in it.
I agree that his step son is being an ass wholeheartedly and expecting gratitude is plainly a waste of time. Don`t want to eat what I made? Make something yourself. Another tack may be to have #1 son make dinner once a week, which is something I did with my boys starting when they were about twelve, as well as their laundry.
Ok, I agree with you. I just saw that some people weren’t aware that he was 23, so I didn’t know if you’d made the assumption that he was a small child, as well.
Hell, the way the stepson acts, not knowing his age, I would’ve pegged him for 13 or younger.
I would feel like I needed to loosen up a little bit, and I would also feel like telling my stepson to stock up on Hungry Man frozen dinners for those late work nights from now on.
I also don’t really understand how it’s this huge amount of extra effort to make him dinner in advance and put it in the fridge. Aren’t you making dinner for yourself and your wife already? Is it really that much harder to make food for 3 people instead of 2? And who cares if he goes out to eat instead? Yay, now you can have his saved dinner for your lunch tomorrow. Everybody wins.
But that said, I seriously wouldn’t worry about his dinner at all. He’s a grown man. He can figure out how to feed himself. It is really, really not your problem.
Especially since the OPer is such an extraordinary cook. Hell, they should be fighting over the leftovers.
Politely disagree.
OP sez:
Why is refusing to buy ketchup off the table? (um, what?)
We don’t stock it at our house, where I do the cooking. Mostly this is because of the HFCS which contains
~5% more fructose than the corresponding percentage of monosaccharide fructose in sucrose. It just tastes weird to me, sorry.
I have spent many years developing my cooking skills to the point where I can
produce tasty, nourishing dishes with layers of flavorings that add to the richness and over-all
quality of the dish. I would be a bit upset to be in the OP’s situation.
As many others have said - the underlying issues seem to lie somewhere other than the cooking and the ketchup, however.
ETA: Just remembered this is the Pit. Please strike the word “Politely” from my disagreeing.
The OP used the term chef. So, now I’m curious, is he actually a chef? If not, the pitting is even lamer than it seems at first blush.
Saint Cad, the son is really taking advantage of you by demanding meals at 9pm. If he goes crying to Mommy about the nice meals you leave in containers for him to microwave, stand up to her. This isn’t fair.
There was a thread here once that complained about people eating all the foods on their plates separately - you know, eat all the carrots, then the broccoli, then the corn, etc. The “chef” posting that one was deeply offended that his or her guests weren’t sampling a little of everything together, as the “chef” had carefully selected the flavours to blend and compliment each other. This thread reminds me of that one because my reaction is the same to both: pretentious control freaks of the world, it’s actually none of your business if other people consume their food the “wrong way”, even if you cooked it. Get over yourselves.
Actually, it’s reversed. He moved in with us so “I’m not his dad.” unless he needs $20 or a ride to work. I think he’s under the assumption that if he gets to aggravated that he can tell his mom to boot me out and live the glorious life.
I’ve made up my mind that I will help him by teaching him to cook basic food. Stove on medium for 5 minutes on both sides then in the 350 oven for 30 min. After that its up to him. If he asks about salt, pepper and seasonings, I’ll go to the refrigerator and pull out the ketchup for him.
His wife made it his problem. That’s the thing about being in relationships with actual people-- you often have to stuff that you rather wouldn’t.
Yeah, where some dude is sleeping with his mom. Depending on when St Cad got married, it might not bother the kid in the abstract but its gotta be awkward to see three empty cans of whipped cream (low cal) in the trash on the morning.
Oh, please, please, please do this. And then report to us.
I’m not so sure of your timeline. I remember first learning about it in my early teens, around 30 years ago. Just because it didn’t hit your radar until then didn’t mean it didn’t occur until then.
To some people, cooking is just something you have to do because you have to eat. To others, it is more important. It’s obviously important to SaintCad. It’s important to me, and that importance was instilled in me by my father. Putting good, fresh, multi-sensory appealing food on the table isn’t easy, and trying to do it in a way that you don’t end up in a rut (menu planning, food rotations, proper pairings, etc.) takes a lot of thought. You might not be a ‘chef’, but still be a damned good home cook putting high quality meals on the plate for your family. And being a human being, I’m sure a little appreciation would be nice. I’m lucky that my family, and my extended family when they visit, appreciate the time, thought, and effort that goes into feeding them.
You can tell the people who either live in Pleasantville or aren’t in relationships. They say things like…
IMHO, the only appropriate response to that BS comment is, “Get out.”
Perhaps he’s getting strong indicators of that from, possibly, his mom.
How’s this for an idea?
You: {Pointing to the kitchen} Food’s in there.
SS: {Clueless look on his face} Really, where? I don’t see anything cooked and ready to eat like this is some 5-star restaurant.
You: {Smug look on your face} No, kidding. You want to get fed, you’ll cook it yourself. And you will clean up after yourself.
SS: {Whining} That’s so mean. You’re not my dad!
You: Get out.
Looks doable. Of course the alternative reaction from the stepson is that he realizes you’re not kidding and he actually learns to cook for himself. Maybe he’ll even learn to take turns cooking for the whole family.
p.s. Ever heard of enabling behavior?
In respect to cooking for him when he gets home, that has to stop for sure. Just always cook his portion when you’re cooking all the rest of it, and he can reheat it when he gets home. If he doesn’t like that, and if your wife doesn’t like that, you have got to put your foot down. When he doesn’t eat the portion that was left for him, personally, I would totally just have it for breakfast or lunch the next day. No waste.