What I’m wondering that would affect my thoughts a lot is the connection the second sentence of the OP has to the rest. IOW, does the OP mind doing the extra (unnecessary) cooking at all, or is his entire beef about the ketchup? Because apart from that second sentence, the rest of the OP seems to indicate that his entire anger comes from someone putting ketchup on his precious masterwork meal.
If so, then all the posts that assume that the OP feels unappreciated for putting in extra effort for the stepson are seeing things that aren’t really there, and weren’t mentioned at all in the OP.
So act smug and order him around. That’s not provocative at all. You don’t think son will run to mommy, just like he did before?
I see no reason for a dominance display unless the son forces the issue. Saint Cad has the right idea. Try to teach him to cook first. It’s more likely to work than demanding he cook for himself.
I’d also admit the unseasoned food. Tell him that it was late, and you didn’t feel you had time to make the food the way you would like to. Tell him that if he wants good food, he needs to let you know before dinner, so you can have it already ready for him. If he forgets, he can always try out his new cooking skills or go get some fast food.
I do agree that the OP shouldn’t take “You’re not my dad,” but “Get out” seems like an odd thing to say. Do people really say that earnestly? I’m not entirely sure what would be better, but in the context you mentioned I might go with “No, but I’m not your personal chef, either.”
Though, honestly, I think springing it on him the next time he asks for food is just asking for trouble. Like I said, talk to him ahead of time. Then you can just remind him of what you already said.
Son:I’m hungry
OP: Well, you can make yourself some ___. It’s in the fridge.
Son: Can’t you make me something?
OP: Remember what we discussed? You have to tell me ahead of time.
I think the son would be more likely to make his own food, even if he grumbles while he does it.
I’ve never been one to appreciate the comment to an adoptive parent or step-parent, “You’re not my parent.” Well, actually, yes, that person is. It’s right there in the title: adoptive parent, step-parent. And whining “you’re not my dad” for a reason for an adult to, basically, piss on the provider of the house, with food therein, doesn’t strike me as all that politic a thing to do. I wouldn’t spring “Get out” on a minor, of course. Saint Cad’s grown adult step-son ain’t no minor.
To be honest, I think Saint Cad is making a mountain out of a mole hill. If the kid (grown adult) doesn’t like the fare on offer, then the kid (grown adult) can make other arrangements. And there’s no reason for creating or even furthering drama.
About the cooking: Young Jackass is 23, he disrespects your cooking, and he isn’t around for meal time anyway. He can grab a burger at MickeyD’s, or fix himself a sandwich.
I’m tempted to link to a YouTube of the Eagles’ “Already Gone.” You know I was thinking of it; that suffices.
Seriously, how long have you and Young Jackass’ mom been together? How strong is this relationship, aside from YJ? If it’s just a middlin’ nice relationship, but who knows if it’ll be permanent, then this might be the shoal on which you should let it founder. But if it’s “we’re together for life, we’re going the distance,” or if you have hopes of that, then you and she need to come to a meeting of the minds about YJ. If you can’t work this out together, you guys aren’t in as good shape as you’d like to think you are.
Because your real problem is that YJ openly disrespects not just your cooking. He’s openly disrespecting YOU, and his mom, your SO, lets it happen. You’ve got trouble in River City, and if you and your SO can’t present a unified front to him in demanding that YJ respect you both, then you might as well bail on this relationship, because if you guys just don’t see eye to eye on something that fundamental, it’s time to check out.
NO. As someone else said, this would just provide one more venue for you guys to get at odds with one another.
Probably because it’s easier than being bitched at by his wife. Continuing this way is not going to lead to a happy ending in any sense of the word. The OP needs to just put his foot down with both the wife and junior, because right now they’ve got him doing a dog and pony show just for the amusement factor.
“This is what’s for dinner and this is when dinner is served. I don’t care what you do to it after I cook it. If you’re not here when dinner is ready, then the leftovers are in the fridge and the microwave is over there. I’m done being a short-order cook.”
Hard facts are he has no taste for standing up to the wife, to address step son’s expectations of being cooked for, when arriving home late. Or to his taste. Or at all!
The clear and obvious solution is to cook his portion when dinner is prepared, leaving it plated in the fridge till step son gets home to reheat it. (Himself!) But pretty clearly the OP doesn’t have the spine for even that, for whatever unknown reason.
And this child is supposed to be enjoying this generous living arrangement whilst he learns some life skills? It is to laugh.
Rather than address any of these areas, the OP has chosen to get miffed over how someone else chooses condiments.
(Here’s a hint: you get to tell him he can’t use ketchup, the same day he gets to say you have to!)
I don’t for a single second think this is all about Sonny Boy putting ketchup on his food.
This is what it’s all about. You hear about people ending relationships over what seems to be stupid little things all the time, but it’s not about the stupid little thing - it’s about what the stupid little thing represents. RTFirefly has it right - this isn’t about ketchup; it’s about a wife who doesn’t appreciate her husband, and a wife who puts her adult son above her husband, and a husband and step-father who isn’t getting respect from either of them.
I think Saint Cad is still stuck on the ketchup and the cooking, too, perhaps because he doesn’t want to deal with the real problem here, which could end up in ending his relationship with his wife. I wish you all the best with that, Saint Cad - I hope all three of you can find a way to work this out.
Thing is – is it possible your stepson is a super-taster, and he CAN taste the stuff under the ketchup? Or maybe he just really, REALLY likes ketchup.
And no offense, Saint Cad, but I seem to recall you bitching about how you had to endure your sister-in-law’s cooking, but when you described it, it sounded fairly decent, just not quite gourmet. Not everyone is a foodie. Maybe you need to realize that some people have different palates and different approaches to food. I’d say it’s more like you give them a painting and they choose to get it reframed, or have a protective coating it on, if the paint flakes off.
You’d have REALLY hated to be around my cousin when she was growing up. She put it on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Including mashed potatos!
My mother used to mix ketchup and cottage cheese in a bowl and devour it. I still see it in my nightmares: a sickly pink froth like the exudate of a gigantic boil. She never actually smeared it across her cheeks while cackling satanically, but that’s how I choose to remember it.
