Okay I know I’m probably repeating a lot of stories others have already shared on here but to be honestly I really just need a place to rant because I am so pissed off. Okay so my story is:
We dated for four months (i know, short period of time, but it doesnt make this hurt any less) We didn’t go to the same school and met through work. I found out last night from a coworker that he started to date someone else a week after dumping me. I know who she is, and they were friends before we started dating, and he never gave me any reason to suspect something was wrong. He went to her bday party while we were still dating and literally three days later he dumps me. It all seems to make sense now. Like I remember him constantly asking me if I was cheating on him and I noticed a difference his behavior about a month before we split. I feel completely lied to. I mean like looking back hindsight is always 20/20 like he never intrpduced me to friends, never really asked me to go anywhere with him, he was always “grounded”…He would tell me he loved me and that I had nothing to worry about and blah blah blah- obliviously he didn’t and I did have alot to worry about. It’s been about six weeks since we broke up and I was just wondering if I should confront him or not? Like let him know I know?
Ps- he starting dating her a week after he dumped me but that same week he was asking me for a second chance?? WTF
I don’t think there’s anything to be gained from doing this. Just learn from the experience. (I’m sure other Dopers could spell out what lessons you should be learning from it, but it sounds like you may already have a pretty good idea what they are.)
If he dumps you three days after going to her birthday party, that’s not clear evidence that he cheated. Or, if he did, he broke up with you pretty quickly.
I’m sorry it hurts. He doesn’t sound like a scoundrel and a cad, though.
It isn’t clear that he was cheating per se, it sounds more like he was keeping his options open by not broadcasting the fact that he was seeing you. Not very mature and certainly jerkish of hm to profess his love while not wanting to be seen in public with you. You were led on and that does hurt, but the upside is that you will never fall for it again.
I would be better than him and not say anything. When I was 16, I had a boyfriend that I deperately loved for about a year. After we broke up, my suspicions that he had been cheating on me the whole time were confirmed. Rather than just moving on, I confronted him and then tried to hurt him (verbally) as much as he had hurt me.
Being an adult now, I think back to that time and regret saying anything. It brought me down to his level and it didn’t make me feel better at all. Just don’t say anything. Move on.
You actually don’t have any evidence that he ever cheated on you. The only evidence you have is that he started dating someone a week after he broke up with you. What likely happened is that in the final weeks of dating you, he started talking more and more with another girl, he came to realize that he liked her and wanted to date her, and so he broke up with you.
I think the reality is that you were caught off guard and hurt. Very normal. But that doesn’t mean that he’s guilty of cheating on you. There’s nothing remotely immoral about breaking up with someone that you’re dating. There’s nothing immoral about talking to other people when you’re dating. I mean, it’s kind of what dating is.
I’m sorry you feel betrayed. Perhaps you would find it helpful to discuss your feelings in a forum that is better suited to romantic advice? Your breakup is not unique, and there are plenty of places better than the Straight Dope for this. I recommend Google searching for “relationship advice forum.”