Just got laid!!

Sorry, this is NOT a parody of the “Just got laid off” thread, though that would be my sense of humor. (I once wrote a “I got a blowjob” thread to parody a “I just got a job” thread, I think, which was received shall-we-say variously around here.) No, this is a mundane and pointless complaint about my latest batch of Creative Writing students who are setting new records for writing intense but mind-numbingly dull sex scenes. About three-quarters of them this term are, for some reason, describing their sex lives instead of writing fiction and not really understanding why I keep asking them “Uh, what’s the point here? Is this ABOUT anything? Are we supposed to care about these characters?” To understand what I’m complaining about, imagine a typical Penthouse Forum letter. No, imagine a letter rejected by the Penthouse forum for its lack of wit, clever imagery, smooth and supple prose. No, imagine a letter EASILY rejected by the Penthouse forum for its lack of wit, clever imagery, smooth and supple prose. That’s about it. “I fucked her, and then I decided to turn her over and fuck her again, which I did. I drank eight beers, then I fucked that big-titted girl in my co-ed dorm again. This was turning out to be a pretty good morning so far” is about the level of this writing–I’m as tough to offend for vulgarity as anyone I know, and I’ve been teaching this stuff since the late 1970s, but this is just absurd. Apart from my own sensibilities, I’m wondering whether some of the quieter students in the class might not be offended by this stuff. It’s really so awful.

You teach a class in how to write bad porn?

Where do I sign up for this class?

And?? And??? Don’t leave us hanging!

Assessment Gems is better.

I don’t think that’s what the catalogue specifies, but that’s how it’s working out. Actually, I’m trying to teach how NOT to write bad porn. Now that I think of it, if anyone has suggestions for good erotic and literary writing, I’ll suggest those as models–so far, I’ve been recommending Mailer, Miller, Roth, Nicholson Baker–but really what I want to recommend that they find subjects that they actually know a little bit about.

Have somebody in the room singing “Bow chicka bow wow” while you read it aloud.


Someone writes a crappy S&M porn novel and it smashes world sales records and next thing you know creative writing students are writing nothing but shitty porn. Who’d a thunk it?

There is an anthology that comes out every year of the best erotic short stories. That might be good.

I’d also tell them, because its true, that erotica needs to be written at a higher standard than other genres for the same credit. IF you have a student that can pull of “literary fiction” then they can do it poorly - its HARD to do well. SF/Fantasy and Romance can be rather mediocre. If your students are trying to write erotica, they need to do it that much better.

Might I just say, Dangerosa, that your post followed by your sig line is in many ways some of the finest subtle porn I’ve read in a long time.


My favorite sex scene I ever wrote:

(It was not good or passionate sex)

Of course, that’s exactly the sort of sex these people would have…

Didn’t Mailer get the Literary Review bad sex award one year?

It sure wasn’t all good–I think his sex scenes in ANCIENT EVENINGS were hilariously bad. But when he was good, he was very, very good.

You might be confusing him with** Mormon Nailer**.

Maybe you should have used the writings of Henry Miller as a guide?

Best sex scenes ever, IMO.


Read post #6 very carefully.

I am NOT going to write or read Teletubbie fanfic :eek:

Though it sounds like it would be way more creative and witty just out of the gate than anything PRR’s students are writing.

Sorry, didn’t mean to sound glib. Just missed it, is all. :slight_smile:


If that left you ‘hanging’, there’s a pill for that.