Thirded.
I can’t even remember if I did or didn’t make out with girls I went out with 8 years ago (before I met my wife), much less 15 years ago.
The fact that this guy has remembered this and let it fester for so long and is actually contacting you, is super-crazy. Like axe-murderer crazy, IMO.
Sorry for any confusion about the “hook-up” usage. For my age/location etc. to hook up just meant to pair off in whatever fashion. Could mean anything from holding hands to hot monkey sex. So just to clarify, I did not make nookie with this dude, I only kissed him. For obvious reasons my memory of that night aren’t super sharp, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t even make it to second base.
Although I must say that even if I had slept with him, it wouldn’t change things much in my mind.
No response yet. Dear god, I hope it wasn’t a sort of suicide note.
It was meant as a joke - my apologies - as for your situation, ignore everything this guy sends you and if he doesn’t stop, involve the authorities to make it stop, he clearly isn’t entirely stable, or at the minimum, won’t take a nice hint, so any response from you only feeds the crazy.
(the joke was supposed to be that I ignored everything you wrote and focused on the most trivial part of it, and since your a woman, you also admitted your age - so, clearly it wasnt a very good joke - I also didn’t really have anything to add for the problem that had’nt already been said)
The OP remembered it, and felt guilty about it. I don’t think she’s axe-murderer crazy.
PeskiPiksi, the important thing is that YOU feel better for apologizing to him. It’ll be a load of mental baggage you won’t have to lug anymore.
A few months ago I got a birthday card from an ex-friend with whom the friendship ended badly; I had no intention of going back to the friendship but I let her know I didn’t hate her guts and acknowledged that part of the breakup was my fault. I was able to let go of a lot of bad feelings I didn’t realize I was still holding onto.
I doubt it’s a suicide note. maybe he’s just flabbergasted that you replied after all this time and were NICE about it, or now that you’ve responded he’s being coy and hoping you’ll write back something like “hey, I didn’t hear back, what’s going on?” to be a manipulative douche.
Even if it is there’s no blame on you. He’s an adult, and the choices he makes are his and his alone, good and bad.
Well, there’s a difference between remembering something and wincing in regret, and remembering something because you never forgot it in the first place because you’ve been stewing on it in a fog of rage for 15 years. One path leads to living and learning, one path leads to psycholand.
If you block a person in Facebook, that means they can’t see you. You don’t see him, he doesn’t see you.
That’s what you do. It’s not a perfect solution; he can find out if you’re still on FB by logging out and doing a search for you, but while he’s logged in, he can’t see your page and can’t see anything you’ve posted. It’s like you just vanished into thin air.
I fully agree with the many people in this thread saying that this guy is being scary crazy. I’ve run into women who fobbed me off unpleasantly many years ago, and my reaction has been: nothing. Who cares? It was a long time ago and we’re all different people now and I don’t feel the need to brood about the times it went awry.
This guy is way out of line and if you have any further contact with him, you will regret it. You dodged a bullet 15 years ago, don’t step back into firing range now. Hit the block button.
He is Ms. Havisham.
Except this isn’t Happy Hugs Funland, and the guy’s response is way out of line. It isn’t her job to fix him and make him feel better. His reaction is completely out of line. If a girl blows you off fifteen years ago, you let it go and you move on with your life. If you feel that bad about it, block her from showing up in your suggested friends and move on with your life.
Sent the Frat boys after him again.
They’d do it, too–I’m still friends with some of them. Although to be clear I never sent them after him. I wouldn’t have dared. He was their “brother” and back then they all took that stuff very seriously. Apparently what happened was he was complaining to them about how I would never call him back or pay him any attention when we were in the same place together and how he just didn’t understand it, and they got sick of it and basically told him, “Dude, she’s not into you. Get over it.” I only heard about it after the fact.
:eek:
Remember that the nerdy “hero” of that movie commits date rape.
:eek: I’ve never actually seen that movie…just scenes from it here and there.
I think it was a mistake to respond to him or acknowledge him at all. that’s exactly the wrong approach to take to stalkers (which is what this guy is). They see any communication at all (even “fuck off, loser”) as encouragement.
You did not hurt this guy. You did not wrong him. You did not owe him an apology. It is not normal behavior to obsess on somebody for 15 years because you once made out with them at a party. I got blown off after a couple of drunken hook ups at parties when I was young (who hasn’t been?), and I don’t think I could have remembered their names six months later, much less sat around brooding about it for 15 years. him calling your parents was way out of line and disturbing, Cut off all contact. Block all internet communication. This is a nutjob.
I don’t think any compassion is necessary for a creepy asshole who tries to guilt someone into an apology 15 years after a brief after party snog. I mean, seriously, what normal person stews for 15 years about this, then decides “hey, it’s a good idea I contact that girl who blew me off 15 years ago, tell her that she hurt me and should be ashamed of herself.” (Which is what the OP said, and those are the facts I’m going on.) Sorry, that is 100% egocentric asshole behavior and deserves no response.
Yeah, well all I’m saying is that the OP doesn’t have an obligation to alleviate his “hurt” by letting him turn her into a lampshade just because they had a drunken frat hookup a decade and a half ago.
Yeah, because they sound like a bunch of tools. I was in a fraternity and part of the whole “brotherhood” thing is not allowing one of your “brothers” to to embarass the house by acting like a jackass.
Because he’s intruding in her personal life in a really inappropriate way. You’re allowed to have hurt feelings but they don’t give you license to act like a creep. This guy is using his feelings of rejection to try to hurt her–not cool.
There’s a statute of limitations on “hurt” as well. Fifteen years is well past the length of time you’re allowed to nurture resentment over getting blown off after a meaningless, drunken make-out session. I think it’s generous to even call it “hurt” at all. It’s just life. Even holding onto it for a week is being a baby. Holding onto it for 15 years is flat out disordered. Is the OP the only girl this loser has ever kissed?
Yes. Who hasn’t either done the ignore someone you hooked up with/hooked up with someone who ignored you? It’s life. It’s like holding a grudge against a company for not giving you a second job interview or not hiring you.
Poor guy. Forty years old and the only sexual experience he ever had was getting close to first base with a drunk teenager fifteen years ago. The last straw was probably when his mom refused to clean his cum rag last week. He’s seriously considering moving out of his bedroom and into the basement.