A rather rye remark. Maybe he could pay his bail in pumper-nickels.
I’m glad Subway doesn’t use toothpicks. Might’ve put out an eye.
Not even legally bread in Ireland: Subway’s Bread Isn’t Bread, Ireland’s Supreme Court Rules : NPR
So disappointing the type of Subway sub used in the assault wasn’t mentioned.
Whacking someone with a Spicy Italian is one thing, but wielding a meatball sub with extra sauce could be extra messy.
Is it aggravated assault if it runs up a big dry cleaning bill? And can charges be enhanced in the case of extra condiments?
You’ve got to use the right tool for the job. For the Feds, I’d suggest a Veggie Sub. For eco-protestors, a Spicy Italian or a BMT. Other groups may require different sandwiches, of course.
While it’s pretty clear that the feds overreacted, based on my awesome expertise derived from watching a lot of police bodycam videos on YouTube, hitting anyone with anything no matter how benign or harmless can technically be charged as assault.
So while “assault with a sandwich” may sound funny, the guy could legitimately face prosecution. But charges like that are usually dropped, and I doubt that the guy will face any jail time. But being fired from his job at the DOJ seems silly, though these days everybody and their dog gets fired from federal jobs. No one is safe except Trump and his cronies.
If this was a movie, this incident would become a catalyst and dead fascists troops would start showing up with sandwiches shoved in their mouths. I’d like to see that movie.
As an aside: seems like, if a woman wanted to make snide remarks about another woman’s genitalia, saying she had a “Subway in her pants” might work better than an Arby’s.
Police officer shows up to a domestic disturbance call and finds a guy clutching his face and wincing in pain. “Me and my girlfriend were having a fight, so she hit me with a smoothie!”
“A smoothie? She threw a drink at you?”
“Nah, you know, one of those things for smoothing clothes…”
The punishment will likely be 30 days of eating nothing but Subway sandwiches and no water to wash them down.
Maybe not.
No, I’d like to see lots of federal officers turning up dead in Rock Creek Park with a sandwich shoved in their mouths. Like lots..
In a film, of course.
“Rep. Jack Kimble” on Twitter today:
If he had just yelled “GRENADE!!!” when he threw it, he might have gotten away in the confusion when they all dived on the pavement.
“Justice for Juicy” at last!
I still don’t get this joke. What is his involvement here?
Incident involving violence and a Subway food run
January 2019, falsely reported a hate attack claiming that as he was walking home from Subway he was assaulted by two unknown individuals. Smollett described one of them as a white male. He also told police the men shouted “This is MAGA country”. In reality these were two black individuals who had worked in a show with him and who he had paid to stage the incident.
As for “Justice for Juicy”, that’s Dave Chappelle’s take on it
If one of my students had done that it wouldn’t have gone as far as a trip to the office.
One of these?
Was Smollett the guy who threw the sandwich? Or is Subway the only connection here? I guess maybe so.
Insert Jared joke here then