Just the punchline, please

About <mumble> years ago I moved from Tallahasse, FL down to Orlando. I found myself at the O-rena one night waiting for a show to finish so we could start loading it out (I think it was Duran Duran, but it may have been Nine Inch Nails). There must have been 40 or 50 of us sitting in a big circle, just chatting away. I was fairly quiet, just listening, because I had only met these people that morning during the load-in.

Eventually, someone told a joke that got a good laugh, and they began to go around the circle, each person telling a joke. When they got to me, a guy named Kevin (who remembered my name) said “Yer turn, Bo” and I realized that I wasn’t prepared at all. I was drawing a blank. None of the approximately 40 kabillion jokes I know was surfacing. I wanted badly to participate, to become a part of the group, but my stupid brain wasn’t cooperating!

So of course, I opened my mouth.

"Well, I don’t think y’all wanna hear the whole joke, cause we don’t have much time. But the punchline is

why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"

Four or five people fell over laughing, and to this day I am still able to get a laugh out of just this punchline. Anyone else got a good punchline? Anyone? Bueller?

But you fuck one sheep!!

It’s my signature joke because I can do a decent (to American ears) Irish accent.

[Mickey Mouse]I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy![/Mickey Mouse]

None! Klingons are not afraid of the dark.

Many years ago I decided to watch a Carol Burnett variety special. She had one skit where she and her three guests, another women and 2 men, came on stage dressed in the most formal of evening wear. Each of them carried a large leather bound folder and stepped up to and stood behind a podium. They each opened their folder and began to read from it,

What they read, with pear-shaped tones and dead-pan expressions, were the last lines from dirty jokes. It was the funniest thing I’d ever seen on TV and still ranks near the top. Even when I didn’t know the joke, it was still hillarious. I wish that I had taped it.

Two of my favorites are “most men leave her hanging from the tree” and “How do you think I rand the doorbell”.

Wrecked 'em? It damn near killed 'em.

Leslie Neilsen did something like that as Frank Drebbin in Police Squad. He was undercover, posing as a stand-up comedian. He was also very good, and had the crowd loving him with his clean jokes. Then the show goes to a commercial break, and upon returning, the first thing you can hear is Neilsen saying, “…lady, I don’t think I can take sixty-seven more of those!”.

No - he goes to Wisconsin !!!

“Yes, but what are you going to do?”

It’s normally told with a New Zealand accent 'round these parts (the NZers no doubt return the favour). I reserve the Irish one for another favourite joke of mine:

“He told me to go and piss in a bottle, so I told him to go and shit in his hat”.

“Now where’s this old lady with the loose tooth?”

We call it “The Aristocrats.”

“Heh. Some people just can’t tell a joke!”

“Michael Jackson.”

You just wait – I’m going to pull him over again when we get to Waco!

Same Idea. Same Title (almost). Different Thread.

“27 years old, and ye still believe in leprechauns!”

“She thought I asked for a 12-inch pianist.”

“Please.”

But you suck one dick and the call you a cocksucker.