So there’s a bumper crop of snails eating British gardens, and instead of killing them, some people are throwing the snails into their neighbors’ yards. They think it’s more “humane”. According to the article in the Wall Street Journal, this has caused some fights. I’m picturing the police saying, “What’s all this then?”
If I were Dave Barry, no doubt I would point out that “Snail Flingers” and “Slug Hurlers” would both be excellent names for rock bands.
I would pour salt on the snails’ soft part, or throw them into the street…
They’re missing on the opportunity to sell them to French chefs.
I’m picturing a little old lady telling her husband, “Herbert, it’s like the Blitz, all over again.”
I want the new Doctor to get hit by a snail shell.
I’m waiting for the follow-up article three years from now, when the snails show up on these people’s doorstep and growl “What the hell was that for?”.
I collect mine in a bucket of soapy water, my family lovingly calls it “slug bucket of death” and other terms of endearment. Occasionally, I have forgotten to pour the contents into the river and left the bucket standing. Empty it the following day, and it stinks in a way that curdles the soul.
Now my neighbours are pretty heinous people, but they have not yet merited the slug bucket of death being emptied onto them. But the day they cross that line… I will be waiting. With my bucket.
I would very much like to recommend this to my fellow gardeners who are currently all clearly amateur slug-to-neighbour-flingers.
You are allowed to pour soapy water into the river? Wouldn’t that contaminate it?
I use the special eco friendly biodegradable stuff. Even if I didn’t I doubt it would matter much, considering the size of the river and all the other stuff that goes into it. The boats scrub their decks with harsher stuff and then hose it off.
Ah, got it. Thanks for clarifying 
Forget it. Snails from yards are unfit to eat.
Snails hell. Our neighbor got a goddam rooster.
You should get a fox.
And then he’ll get a wolf. You’ll get a leopard. He’ll get a tiger. By that point, you’ll have to genetically engineer a T. Rex.
Where does it end? 
I catch the darn things,take them across the road and throw them down the hill into the city park… Some bright person planted bamboo years ago that they’re trying to get rid of now… Snails eat bamboo 
They do come back,I’ve followed the trails.
From the linked article, snail throwing seems to be popular enough that researchers studied it, looking to see if it was effective.
NOW we can start an arms race.
Now if I could only have trained snails that way, to go after weeds, I could have eradicated weeds from my customers’ yards without wearing my arms and knees out!!
In what way?
The kinds in our garden in Wales go too hard and rubbery when you cook them, and they taste of soil. We wanted to try when we were kids, after we had had escargot in France.