Wow. I didn’t read that at all in her OP. Amazing how 2 people will interpret identical information differently.
I thought her question had to do with parenting styles with “the couch” as sort of point maker - not the point.
How are your genes? If the kids parents and grandparents have a history of depression, they may need treatment for it eventually no matter what you do. It’s no more a reflection on you than their needing glasses.
I’ve got two kids, both adults now. Kids will come out differently even with the same upbringing. We went with boundaries, and immediate removal from the situation if they were violated. (Our kids never acted up in restaurants, because they were trained in buffets with lots of adults to remove them the one time it was necessary.) But more importantly, we were involved with them, gave them love, and appreciated their accomplishments. It’s been rocky at times, but they both seem pretty damn well-adjusted, considering who their parents are.
You can’t control whether your kids end up in therapy, but you can do what my mother did. When she heard that I was going to therapy (after suffering from depression for most of my life), she said “They’ll just tell you that it’s all my fault. They always blame the mother.” And that’s exactly what happened. I quit going to therapy right after the therapist told me that my mother was the cause of my problems.
So tell your kids that therapists are useless caricatures of themselves. If they ever end up in therapy they’ll see that you were right and they’ll stop going.