Kellibelli, I must now officially hate you

The BBQ Pit
1

Arg!!! How could you do that to me? You have single-handedly destroyed all my hopes and dreams in one fell swoop.
In a thread in MPSIMS, you posted a link to a thread in the pit. This thread was killed 3 days before I arrived as a member of the SDMB in September. Had it not been for you, I would still be here, blissfully unaware of the emotional rollercoaster of this particular thread. Had it not been for you, I would not have been sucked into a five page thread, reading post after post after post for two straight hours, completely lost in a surreal landscape too unbelievable for words. Had it not been for you, I would have never realized the extent of the entire Freekyfeely fiasco.

I say this to you as someone who had once dreamed of becoming a writer. No longer do I dream this. You have shattered me beyond hope of repair. Never, not in a hundred years of writing, will I ever achieve the eerie masterpiece of that thread. It was an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. A cast of thousands. Plot twists, fake resolutions, anger, sadness, antipathy, happiness, personal reflections, conflicts, climaxes, lying, deceit, drug use, comic relief, and a thriller story line King and Koontz would envy. Breathtakingly unbelievable are the only words I can use, and they don’t even come close.

I will not post the link to the thread. I will not even post a link to the thread you posted a link to that thread in. I fear that reading that post would set the bar for authors, both budding and famous, too high to surpass. I hate you, kellibelli, for showing me this masterpiece of a science fiction thriller. I will do everything in my power to make sure that thread is not nominated for either the Hugo or the Nebula awards this year…but I fear that there’s no hope that it will lose in either case.

I have nothing further to say, other than to wonder how I could have been posting in blissful ignorance these last few months, never realizing that Dorian Gray, that Albatross, that Pandora’s Box that was sitting in the Pit, waiting for me.

Why did you show it to me? How have I wronged you in another life? Kellibelli, you have robbed me of my innocence!

2

I give it a 9.5 - the rant was a non-stop rollercoaster of dark humor, hyperbole, and sarcasm. Another winner, that will possibly rank up there with the “Eeyore Post”. :wink:

3

Wait 'til you see what the future-newbies say when someone finally turns their attention to the infamous circumcision threads (which we can only hope will have died by then).

The only posts from the past that are worth the trouble of reviewing are those by or about Wally.

4

Ender? Prepare to hate me too. As part of your initiation as an SDMB Reg, I offer you The Day that Serlin published his Research. Frightening stuff.

5

That was quite possibly the craziest couple of day’s I’ve seen on the Board. Along with the surreal event you mention, Ender, there was also the ‘Brit Invasion’ which kind of occupied a little time for a number of people over the same period and I think something else quite major, also (can’t remember what that was……was Mark Serlin around ?)

Very lively and, in the case of FF, rather disturbing.

6

Also, dear Ender, please stare in amazement at Serlin bashing all non-smokers on the face of the Earth.

You’re gonna love me for this :smiley:

7

The one I really like is (I think) ‘Serlin in the Sex Shop’ - that is just an amazing rollercoaster of a thread. More twists and tangents than imaginable. Phew !

Can I have a link ?

8

Hoo yeah! Smut Shop Employees. Not even a Serlin OP. Also, the most classic hijack I have ever seen. Winkelried at his best.

9

Well.

I guess that will teach me to floss while I surf.

I damn near lost a tooth!

Ender… would you love me again if I cuddled you against my ample bosom?

10

Well, I would. Oh wait - I already do! I guess I miss out then.

11

Cheers, Coldie. I’m agog every time I look at that. Just so many completely classic one-liners. Totally gripping. Holy Bloody Smoke.

12

Coldfire, I appreciate the effort, but it’s just not the same. Serlin was banned after the OP. You might as well say “would this book still be a classic if the author died after chapter 1?” Others tried, valiently I might add, to breathe life into the thread. In the end, they used every medical technology available to them, but it just wasn’t enough.

It takes a village, all right. It’s never just the OP. It can’t be. But still, the OP is the catalyst. He or she is the superglue that holds the antique lamp together. The duct tape that holds the universe together. The cream filling that holds the Twinkie together. Serlin’s final magnum opus? a triffle of a few hundred words that barely managed to claw its way to the second page.

Freekyfeely was the Illiad and Odyssey. It was the eighth wonder of the world. It even had a special cameo guest appearance from JDT who explored his range of characters by never once uttering the word “penis.”

Serlin was a rabblerouser. He yanked at our emotions. FF pulled gently and carressed them. FF’s dissertation was a modern day Greek tragedy. A true hero who had fallen from great heights, and in the end, succumbed to his own falability.

I wept until my ducts ran dry; I moaned until my inhalers ran out. A piece of me died today.

They say that from the ashes of death, the pheonix is born anew. I clutch at that legacy, for it is only with rebirth that I may now find salvation after reading that thread.

13

That smoking thread made for interesting reading. I was actually one of the people that Truth first approached to join “the team”, and I had to back out for school reasons. One of my good friends was one of the Truth kids, though.

Now that would have made for amusing discussion…

I’m loving the history lessons as of late. Very gripping.

14

What is the thread Ender mentioned? Just whoooooosh me now, but I’m confused.

15

(o):D(o)

No…must resist…goodness of breasteses…Pit evil…think evil thoughts…Kelli…bad…bad…must not think of breasts…

16

Kelli, I think your work here is done.

17

Here you go, Welfy. FreakFreely’s Final Freak. Handle with care:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=728592#post728592

18

That thread was truly disturbing. Throughout the post it seemed quite clear that FF was clearly lying and making up stories on the fly. What really upset me was the viciousness of some of the posters. I hope there is never blood in the water around me. WOW.

19

I didn’t say this back then, but I should have.

Does anyone else think that someone should have been dispatched to check FreakFreely’s freezer for dead bodies?

Ender, nice OP, but you let the ( @ )( @ ) distract you from your goal. andros the Bulgarian judge is gonna dock you for that!

20

Oh, THAT one! Haven’t seen him around these parts since. Do you think he actually…Naw!